61 Ways To Annoy/Piss Off Billie Joe Armstrong

I decided to wait until Billie was out of the house before I went into his bedroom and stolen all his underwear.

I was very careful as I opened the door to his bedroom just in case was in the room, but I calmed down when I heard nothing as I opened the door.

As soon as I got in the room with the door closed behind me, I quickly ran to a chest of drawers. I opened the top one and found nothing but random pieces of make-up. I opened the next one and it was filled with note books and pieces of paper. I groaned in frustration.

After I opened the third drawer and found Adrienne’s bras, I came to the conclusion that Billie’s underwear weren’t going to be in this chest of drawers. I turned around and leaned my back against the chest of drawers.

Across the room was another chest of drawers, I walked over to it and pulled opened the top one. It was empty. I didn’t see the point of having an empty drawer. But this is Billie we’re talking about.

Anyway, I hit the jackpot when I opened the second drawer; it was filled with boxers and briefs. I giggled slightly; I didn’t think Billie would have briefs. But I was a little shocked at how many pairs were there. There were loads, especially for a man.

There was no way I could take them all at once, so I grabbed an armful and ran to my room; I was glad they smelt clean. I stuffed them all under my bed. I wanted to hide them somewhere where it would be easy for Billie to find. I once again ran to Billie’s room and was about to grab the last handful when I noticed the pair on the top of the pile.

They were the ones that were scattered in tiny little red hearts and the ones Billie was wearing that night I showed up at his house. I pictured the pure shock on his face when I grabbed his legs. Meemmooorriieeeees, I thought to myself.

I finished hiding all his underwear under my bed. It took longer then I had expected. There was more underwear than I had expected.

The Armstrong family – excluding Billie – were sat in the living room watching TV, I decided to go join them. “Hello, all.”

My entrance only earned me a dirty look from Joey and a wave from Adrienne. Jakob chose to totally ignore me. I glared at him, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. I went over and curled up on the armchair, it was only place I could sit without violating any ‘distance’ rules.

After about what seemed like hours watching mind-numbingly boring TV show about animals – that apparently Joey needed to see for his biology homework – I heard the door open. My heart jumped knowing it was Billie and feeling the anticipation to his reaction. He walked in the room with a smile plastered on his face.

I smirked.

“Hello, all.” He announced. I, along with Adrienne, Joey and Jakob were surprised that Billie had used the same phrase as when I had walked. So, as a result we all just stared at him.

Billie was clearly taken aback when his entire family silently stared at him. “I-I’m going to go take a shower.” He said with a questioning look on his face, as if asking ‘what the hell, guys? Really?’

I turned my attention back to the TV as Billie walked about, but inside I was all giddy and excited.

Twenty minutes passed as I just sat there, thinking up many, many ways of how Billie would react.

“Adrienne!” I heard Billie call from upstairs. I grinned inside. “Where is all my underwear?!”

Adrienne kept her eyes glued on the screen, “What?”

“All my underwear is gone missing!!” Billie shouted again, sounding frustrated that his wife wasn’t listening to him.

“What?” Adrienne asked but not loud enough for Billie to hear as she got up to go upstairs.

And that was it. Adrienne didn’t come back downstairs again. There was no shouting, no angry Billie, no demanding his underwear back. What the fuck?

It’s been half an hour. What the hell? Maybe they found it. I thought to my self as I huffed loudly.

“What’s troubling ya’ lassie?” Joey asked putting on his best pirate accent.

“Nothing, I was just expecting…” I was interrupted by a very flustered Adrienne almost stumbling into the living room, a very satisfied looking Billie followed close by behind. I immediately knew what they had done, while they were meant to be ‘looking for Billie’s underwear.’ But Joey and Jakob seem oblivious to this, innocent minds.

“Dinner, anyone?” Adrienne grinned.

I glared at her, yeah, I know what you were doing up there. I know.

A few days later, during breakfast, I was still a bit bitter, because my theft had provoked no reaction from Billie. Billie, on the other hand, seemed very uncomfortable and fidgety.

“Alright,” Billie suddenly stopped eating and banged his fist on to the table. “I’ve had enough. Which one of you little people stole my underwear?”

Ha. I thought, smiling a little.

“Stole your underwear? Stole? Like stole it?” Joey seemed thoroughly confused.

“Yes, Joey, someone stole my underwear.”

Adrienne sighed heavily. Billie looked over at her, “Did you do it?” He asked pointing a very accusing finger at her.

“What?” Adrienne pushed his finger out of her face. “Maybe you should just go buy some more.”

“Fine.” Billie slumped down in his chair. “It’s just that, they took my lucky pair.”

“Lucky pair?” I asked.

“Yeah, you know the ones with all the hearts.” Billie drew a heart shape in the air.

I couldn’t help but laugh. A lot.