61 Ways To Annoy/Piss Off Billie Joe Armstrong
Number Three On The List
The next morning Billie, Adrienne and me talked, Billie not wanting to take any chances , booked an appointment for a DNA test. The appointment was in two days, and we would receive the results a week after. I was the only one who knew I was going to be going home in a week and half, but at least I could say I lived with Billie Joe Armstrong for a week and half.
I left Billie and Adrienne to talk alone, after all, finding out that your husband of eleven years may or may not have a sixteen year old daughter, was bound to put some stress on the both of them. I silently prayed that this wouldn’t cause any troubles between them.
*
“So you’re like living with us now?” A very confused Joey asked, eyeing me weirdly.
I tore my eyes away from the seemingly additive Spongebob Square Pants and giggled at the look of confusion etched into Joey’s face. “Looks that way don’t it Joe?” I couldn’t help but smile and ruffle his hair.
Joey slapped my hand away and started to fix his hair. “It’s Joey, like the dude form friends.” He said matter-of-factly.
Joey it is, then
Okay, so, I had hoped to hit it off with at least one of the Armstrong kids but so far, I seemed to annoy Joey and I wasn’t sure if Jakob knew I even existed.
I started to rack my brain, in search of something to say, to make them hate me less. “Soo, what did you get your dad for his b-day?”
Joey signed, leaned his head back on the back of the sofa, and scratched the back of head. “It took me ages to figure it out, but I got there eventually. What do you get a man who already has everything?”
The kid had a good point, what do you get a man who already has everything? I shrugged my shoulders and went for the most obvious one. “I dun no, a guitar.”
“Ooo, original.” The bitterly sarcastic tone came form the one and only Jakob Danger Armstrong. Never in the life of me, had I ever expected a tone like that to come for Jakob. I have to admit I was slightly taken a back by the bitterness in the tone the seven year old had just used.
I got up and walk away, like hell was I staying there and getting terrorized by a ten and seven year old.
*
Just after 2:30 was when I had set out with hundreds of cabbages and started to place them on by on the Armstrong’s front garden. Where I got hundreds of cabbages? Don’t ask.
This is going to take a while.
It was just after 3:15 when I had finished with the cabbages. I looked out at the front garden, the once perfectly mowed and green grass, was now, well, filled with cabbages. I pictured the look on Billie’s face, and that spurred me on to get on with the spray painting.
By the time I had finished, I was shaking as the cool wind hit my body and with anticipation of seeing their faces in the morning. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.
*
Everyone showered Billie with gifts, hugs and kisses at breakfast. I simply sat there smiling, waiting for him to tear himself away from his loving family and take a look outside. “I’m going to go get the milk and the paper, back in a tic.”
Oh my god. Here we go.
I followed Billie to the front door making sure he didn’t notice me. I could feel the tension growing as I watched him open the door, not bothering to take a look outside, pick up the milk and paper stand back up…
His face sunk, his jaw hit the floor, his eyes nearly popped out of his head, as the milk and paper slipped out of his and fell to the floor. The terror was etched into his features as I doubled over laughing. “Oh. My. God.” Were the only words that managed to escape his lips. Billie looked around in belief, waved is arms around and stepped outside. “What the fuck is this?”
The rest of the family went to outside after hearing Billie’s cries of disbelief. No one but Joey saw the funny side, and for that I love him. The rest of the family looked around in shock, while Joey picked one of the cabbages up and ask his dad to play catch. Joey was answered with a scowl.
“Surprise!” I shouted, as I walked out, with a huge smile on my face. “It wasn’t me.” I quickly added after receiving the death glare Billie had sent me.
“Ellie! You little...” Billie began with anger dripping from his word, as he made his way toward me flexing his knuckles. But he stopped in his tracks as he heard Adrienne’s laugh and turned toward her. “You think this is funny?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, look at this place. You can’t tell me there isn’t a tiny part of you that thinks this is funny.” Adrienne asked motioning Billie to look around the front garden.
Billie’s face softened and a small smile worked it’s way into his features. “Okay, so,” Billie paused looked around at the hundreds of cabbages and the words ‘Happy National Cabbage Day’ written on them and laughed. “It…is….a….bit….funny.” By then Billie was leaning over and holding on to his knees.
I saw Adrienne smile at her laughing husband then at me and wink. I silently thanked her for saving my ass.
“It’s not that funny.” Joey mumbled.
Billie immediately stopped laughing, stood up, and wiped the tears of laughter form his eyes. “Yeah, you’re right, it’s not.” Billie, walked back inside, closed the door, leaving me, Adie, Joey, and Jakob, outside surrounded by cabbages.
Rudeness.
I left Billie and Adrienne to talk alone, after all, finding out that your husband of eleven years may or may not have a sixteen year old daughter, was bound to put some stress on the both of them. I silently prayed that this wouldn’t cause any troubles between them.
*
“So you’re like living with us now?” A very confused Joey asked, eyeing me weirdly.
I tore my eyes away from the seemingly additive Spongebob Square Pants and giggled at the look of confusion etched into Joey’s face. “Looks that way don’t it Joe?” I couldn’t help but smile and ruffle his hair.
Joey slapped my hand away and started to fix his hair. “It’s Joey, like the dude form friends.” He said matter-of-factly.
Joey it is, then
Okay, so, I had hoped to hit it off with at least one of the Armstrong kids but so far, I seemed to annoy Joey and I wasn’t sure if Jakob knew I even existed.
I started to rack my brain, in search of something to say, to make them hate me less. “Soo, what did you get your dad for his b-day?”
Joey signed, leaned his head back on the back of the sofa, and scratched the back of head. “It took me ages to figure it out, but I got there eventually. What do you get a man who already has everything?”
The kid had a good point, what do you get a man who already has everything? I shrugged my shoulders and went for the most obvious one. “I dun no, a guitar.”
“Ooo, original.” The bitterly sarcastic tone came form the one and only Jakob Danger Armstrong. Never in the life of me, had I ever expected a tone like that to come for Jakob. I have to admit I was slightly taken a back by the bitterness in the tone the seven year old had just used.
I got up and walk away, like hell was I staying there and getting terrorized by a ten and seven year old.
*
Just after 2:30 was when I had set out with hundreds of cabbages and started to place them on by on the Armstrong’s front garden. Where I got hundreds of cabbages? Don’t ask.
This is going to take a while.
It was just after 3:15 when I had finished with the cabbages. I looked out at the front garden, the once perfectly mowed and green grass, was now, well, filled with cabbages. I pictured the look on Billie’s face, and that spurred me on to get on with the spray painting.
By the time I had finished, I was shaking as the cool wind hit my body and with anticipation of seeing their faces in the morning. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.
*
Everyone showered Billie with gifts, hugs and kisses at breakfast. I simply sat there smiling, waiting for him to tear himself away from his loving family and take a look outside. “I’m going to go get the milk and the paper, back in a tic.”
Oh my god. Here we go.
I followed Billie to the front door making sure he didn’t notice me. I could feel the tension growing as I watched him open the door, not bothering to take a look outside, pick up the milk and paper stand back up…
His face sunk, his jaw hit the floor, his eyes nearly popped out of his head, as the milk and paper slipped out of his and fell to the floor. The terror was etched into his features as I doubled over laughing. “Oh. My. God.” Were the only words that managed to escape his lips. Billie looked around in belief, waved is arms around and stepped outside. “What the fuck is this?”
The rest of the family went to outside after hearing Billie’s cries of disbelief. No one but Joey saw the funny side, and for that I love him. The rest of the family looked around in shock, while Joey picked one of the cabbages up and ask his dad to play catch. Joey was answered with a scowl.
“Surprise!” I shouted, as I walked out, with a huge smile on my face. “It wasn’t me.” I quickly added after receiving the death glare Billie had sent me.
“Ellie! You little...” Billie began with anger dripping from his word, as he made his way toward me flexing his knuckles. But he stopped in his tracks as he heard Adrienne’s laugh and turned toward her. “You think this is funny?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, look at this place. You can’t tell me there isn’t a tiny part of you that thinks this is funny.” Adrienne asked motioning Billie to look around the front garden.
Billie’s face softened and a small smile worked it’s way into his features. “Okay, so,” Billie paused looked around at the hundreds of cabbages and the words ‘Happy National Cabbage Day’ written on them and laughed. “It…is….a….bit….funny.” By then Billie was leaning over and holding on to his knees.
I saw Adrienne smile at her laughing husband then at me and wink. I silently thanked her for saving my ass.
“It’s not that funny.” Joey mumbled.
Billie immediately stopped laughing, stood up, and wiped the tears of laughter form his eyes. “Yeah, you’re right, it’s not.” Billie, walked back inside, closed the door, leaving me, Adie, Joey, and Jakob, outside surrounded by cabbages.
Rudeness.