I Won't Call This Hell

"You said he was different," Jeremy warned, and we both watched John's car pull into the driveway.

"He is different. It is different."

"Then show me. I wanna see difference. It better not be like all the others."

"Don't worry, it won't be." John shut his door behind him, walking towards the van we were all piling into to go to eat dinner in. Already, Jeremy was pushing me inside with a smirk and a wink, where I was forced into the back seat. So far from John that I could do nothing but sit back and watch as he introduced himself to my family.

**

Smiling, I pushed myself between Angel and Jeremy, finally coming into proximity with John, "Hey," I said, reaching up for a kiss.

"Hey," John said, his lips stunned for a moment before pressing against mine. "You okay?"

I knew what he meant, as I read the crease in his brow. I don't think I had ever been the one to ask for a kiss. This was new territory for me, for us. It had always been him who asked for my lips, and I who refused or obliged.

"Yea, I'm great," I smiled, playing it off. "Are you okay?" He smiled real wide after a second, nodding his head. "Good," I said, stepping into this uncharted territory. I liked what I found there, waiting for me, ready to kiss me back.

**

He held my hand under the table, which had all of us with very little elbow room considering our large number. Angel snapped pictures of us from across the way, and we both smiled and laughed along with it. I squeezed John's hand, hearing my father address him.

I looked across the table, catching Jeremy's eye, watching his mouth form over one word: different. I smiled even more.

"So, John, what do you do? Are you a student?"

I looked towards my father, whose expression wasn't forced. He was genuinely smiling, waiting for John's answer. I liked this reaction, seeing as I had never seen it before. Not even directed at myself. I squeezed John's hand again.

My hand was squeezed back, his warm fingers wrapping even more securely around my own. "Actually, I'm in a local band. We, um, seem to be really heading out there now. We're actually getting ready for Warped Tour this year, we'll be leaving in about two weeks for the first show in Pomona."

This was a surprise to me. So much so, that my grip on John's hand went completely slack. He turned to me, eyes searching for an explanation (or maybe forgiveness), but I was looking toward my plate, pushing around my vegetables.

**

"Oh, look," Jeremy said, laughing. "Someone parked in our driveway."

"What an asshole," John said from beside me.

"We should bash in their windows and slash their tires."

"Let's not go that far," John said now, protective of his car. He pulled his knee from mine, bumping his leg against mine. His hand rested on my leg, considering that I refused to let it wrap itself around mine. He didn't seem to want to bring up this matter at the moment, considering how we were surrounded by my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and niece. I'm sure he'd bring it up later, when we were alone, tomorrow. This wasn't on my mind though. I was just thankful that Jeremy couldn't notice in the dark, how one moment good different had turned to bad.