I Won't Call This Hell

"Okay, please," I say, my voice edging on hysterics as I look up at the face of Warped security. "I'm sorry, I just really need to get in there, just for a second. I'm not going to watch any sets or buy anything or harass anyone, I've got no need to buy a ticket, I just need it to get inside for one quick second... please."

The man looked at me for a second, staring me in the face, analyzing me for a critical minute or so. "I'm sorry, hon. I don't think I can do that."

My whole body slumps, only a little at first, but then it seems to fall. I can feel myself loosing inches, see the man beside me grow taller before me. I close my eyes a second, thinking. I draw a blank, for everything. I turn on the spot, growing smaller still as my shoulders slump forward even more.

I open my eyes slightly, looking around me. I came towards a back entrance, as not to cause much of a scene, or trouble for that matter. My main view is taken up by two buses, but in the gap between them I can see people walking by. Most of the people are unrecognizable to me, people I've never seen before, but I see a few familiar faces that I only know faintly. The front man of Cobra Starship, Hayley from Paramore, Max, more unfamiliar faces...

"MAX!" My mouth screams his name before my head can even catch up with itself. I'm yelling his name, my voice loud, my body to stretched to its full height. Max is my in, my way to work this through. I find my phone in my pocket, find his number and call it even as I continue to yell his name.

I watch him take his phone from his pocket, put it to his ear, "Lynn!" he says. I barely hear him. He's smiling when he answers the phone, but not when he hears my voice.

"Listen to me, Max. I know you can hear me, buddy. I've been screaming your fucking name loud as can be for minutes now, so you better follow my voice and get your ass over here right now."

I hear him blow out air, watch him do it, as he spins in a circle a little, looking. "Can I get a general direction, babe?"

"Left," I hiss. He turns, looking left, then sees me. Smiles. Skips over. Literally.

"Hey, babe. Look at you. You're looking so cute today."

"Don't start with me," I mutter, mostly to myself. He chuckles.

"I need to do something really fast," I say, louder, to him. "I need to surprise one of the boys."

"Okay, well, can I help?" I sigh, happy. For the whole time I've known Max he's always been somewhat of a jackass, but he really is a genuinely good person.

"Yes, you can." I smile, point to security.

"She's with me," Max says. The man nods, taking in Max's card. Max puts an arm around me, walking me through the two buses that had been in my way.

"So, what are we doing?" he asks. "I have to get to the bus really fast and then get back; the boys set starts in ten minutes, so..."

"I just need to find the bus," I tell him. "That's all."

"Are you just gonna hang out or something?"

"Yeah, something like that."

**

I follow Max on the bus as he finds whatever he's looking for. I just take a quick look around. Laptops are sitting, open and closed, on the couches and the little table. Cereals are packed into the open shelves, along with other snack foods. The open door to the bunks reveals a messy trail of shoes and various clothes. I stand in the doorway, looking into the bunks. Ipods, more clothes, shoes and pillows lay in the unmade bunks, pictures are taped to the walls, little reminders of home. I can't point out specific bunks, not with this little of a view point, but I can point out familiar faces in pictures.

I even find my face in one photo. It's at a party. I'm sitting on a couch, an ominous red cup poised it one hand, a spitting grin on my face. I remember that party. I had been sitting there, watching, occasionally sipping from my cup. Then John had found me, finally, and I had smiled when he said my name and took a seat beside me, our knees bumping into one another's.

This was when I finally started liking him. My stomach was rushing with butterflies at this very moment, when he grinned at me and put a hand around my waist as we sat, started saying something in my ear, his breath hot in my ear and against my neck.

But then Pat and Garrett had found me, too, followed by Aaron. Pat and Garrett smushed themselves in between John and I, making me spill some of my cup on the sofa and the hem of my jeans, grinning like fools as Aaron took a picture of us all.

So there we were. When I was happy, finally, oblivious to what was going to happen to me soon. I was happy, smiling, though I'd been pushed away from John already, if only for a second, because even as John made a silly puppy dog face in the picture, his arm was around Pat and Garrett, extended towards me.

"Well, I gotta go now," Max said, behind me.

"Okay," I nod my head, follow him off the bus.

"Are you, uh, gonna come watch them play?"

"Um," I look down at my shoes, shake my head. "No," I look up, see him watching me. "Can you do me a favor, though? Don't tell anyone I was here. Remember, it's a surprise."

"Okay, well. It was really nice to see you, Lynn. We all missed you. A lot."

"Yeah," I say. My throat is tightening up, I notice, as I reach out to him for a hug. "I missed you guys too."