Status: ACTIVE.
I Won't Call This Hell
baby, don't stop now
"Jeremy, it's Lynn. I'm at my hotel. I know Mom's called you, tell her I'm okay. My job here is done and I'm planning on finding a way to your house tomorrow afternoon. I hope someone will be around to welcome me, though.. you know. I'm not too welcome at this point. Well, I love you. Don't worry, I got your voice mails and I'm alright. I'm just tired, so for now I'm going to rest and in the morning I'll eat me a breakfast of champions. See you soon."
I ended the call, turning my phone off again, laying it on the small dresser drawers. I looked around my room for the night. Matching wallpaper, drapes and lamp shades, cigarette-scented and stiff bed sheets were my friend at the moment. It wasn't well worth the forty-five bucks I'd spent on it, but it was definitely worth the rest.
I pulled the bedspread off of the mattress, crawling onto my bed for the night (my mother taught me well, I wouldn't dare sleep on this bedspread or under these sheets.) My face pressed into the pillow, I breathed in the harsh scent of tobacco and sweat. Usually, this would bother me beyond belief and I would do something about it, but not now.
This time yesterday I was at home, really asking myself if I was truly about to board a plane today and come here. One part of me was scared to death, the other still not giving a fuck's fuck. Now, I'm not scared. I'm happy with myself, happy that I had gotten that over with. I had simply come here to let John know how I was feeling, how he had made me feel, and that if he could get over me then I could get over him. He was a smart kid, he could figure it out.
I'm exhausted. I'm pleased with myself, proud that I went through with today. I had finished my task, let John know, that was all. Tomorrow I would wake up, find a bus to Jeremy, and be on my way. I wouldn't have to see John until he came home to Arizona, and who knows? By then, I could be on a new path, with new rules, living near Jeremy and his family.
Oh, who am I kidding? I chuckle to myself, burying my head in my pillow. The smell of my pomegranate shampoo masks the odor of smoke some, allowing me to breathe a little easier. I'm not leaving Arizona. I'm delusional. I'm exhausted. I-
I don't really feel any better than I did yesterday. I'm a lie. I'm living this lie.
It's putting me to sleep.
I ended the call, turning my phone off again, laying it on the small dresser drawers. I looked around my room for the night. Matching wallpaper, drapes and lamp shades, cigarette-scented and stiff bed sheets were my friend at the moment. It wasn't well worth the forty-five bucks I'd spent on it, but it was definitely worth the rest.
I pulled the bedspread off of the mattress, crawling onto my bed for the night (my mother taught me well, I wouldn't dare sleep on this bedspread or under these sheets.) My face pressed into the pillow, I breathed in the harsh scent of tobacco and sweat. Usually, this would bother me beyond belief and I would do something about it, but not now.
This time yesterday I was at home, really asking myself if I was truly about to board a plane today and come here. One part of me was scared to death, the other still not giving a fuck's fuck. Now, I'm not scared. I'm happy with myself, happy that I had gotten that over with. I had simply come here to let John know how I was feeling, how he had made me feel, and that if he could get over me then I could get over him. He was a smart kid, he could figure it out.
I'm exhausted. I'm pleased with myself, proud that I went through with today. I had finished my task, let John know, that was all. Tomorrow I would wake up, find a bus to Jeremy, and be on my way. I wouldn't have to see John until he came home to Arizona, and who knows? By then, I could be on a new path, with new rules, living near Jeremy and his family.
Oh, who am I kidding? I chuckle to myself, burying my head in my pillow. The smell of my pomegranate shampoo masks the odor of smoke some, allowing me to breathe a little easier. I'm not leaving Arizona. I'm delusional. I'm exhausted. I-
I don't really feel any better than I did yesterday. I'm a lie. I'm living this lie.
It's putting me to sleep.
♠ ♠ ♠
... so yeah. Comment?AND DON'T JUST SAY, "WTF? I'M CONFUSED." OKAY? SAY SOMETHING WORTH WHILE. I mean, damn. it's almost over.