I Won't Call This Hell

Three days. Three days since I left home, two and a half since I left my drawing for John, and less than half a day until I'd leave him again.

The destination was Colorado. They had tour, and I had my brother and his family waiting for me. I was nervous upon the thought of leaving John again, and maybe even more nervous about meeting with Jeremy, Angel and Lola.

**

It turned out, it was harder to leave John than it was to leave with Jeremy. Lola had run up to me as soon as she'd seen me, throwing her arms around my legs and holding tight. I reached down for her, tickling her tummy and pushing her bangs out of her face. Jeremy was right behind Angel, who was running to greet me. It surprised me, as she reached out and pulled me to her. It was easy to leave with them.

It was hard to leave John.

The boys were all here. We were at the grounds of Warped. They were in their bus. I'd already bid them goodbye for now, with hugs and promises to see them soon (whenever they got home.) Of course, I didn't know if I was going to be home when they were. I didn't know what I was doing. I could be starting school again tomorrow, here in Colorado, or I could go back home, get a job, and move out of my parents' house. I honestly didn't know, and I couldn't tell them anything because I wasn't set in anything. Right now, though, they were somewhere by the buses, and I was here, with John. Saying goodbye.

"See you soon," he whispered into my ear. We were walking in the opposite direction of Jeremy, Angel and Lola, in order to get a minute for this farewell. I wrapped my fingers tighter around his as I lead us to the corner of a building across the street from the lot.

"I hope so," I mumbled up to him, finally turning around. He sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in. I reached up for his face, holding it in my hands. This felt right. This goodbye. Not permanent, just temporary. Like the one before, only happier. We were never meant to take that break, not for long. Not for forever.

"Days will go faster now that I know you'll actually be home waiting for me," he whispered into my hair. My breath caught in my throat and I nodded, stepping up even more to get closer to him. This was it for me. This was what told me that things wouldn't be the same, but some things were going to change. I'd be home for him, when that time came.

"Let's not fuck it up this time," I said, laughing slightly. His grip loosened on my hips some, his eyes moving to mine, and he chuckled. He opened his mouth to say something, and I could already hear the implications ('why don't we just fuck next time' followed by a hardy laugh,) but I reached up with my hand, stopping him, before placing my lips on his. He pulled me tight, arms moving around my back as we stood so close.

Then I pulled back, taking a step away, pulling my hands to myself. John nodded, and smiled, taking my hand. We walked silently back to my brother and sister-in-law, where they talked with John for a moment, before it was time to go.

Lola was strapped in to her car seat. Angel was riding shotgun and Jeremy was driving. One last hug from John, followed by a peck of his lips to my forehead, nose and mouth. I squeezed his hand in mine as he slid his mouth to my ear, where he whispered, "See you later."

I nodded my head, holding in a small smile, and then turned to get in the car.

"I'll be waiting. Don't forget to call."

"I wouldn't even dream of it."

I shut the door. He put a finger to my window, tapping. I left my finger over his, and sent him a kiss and smile through the window. I understand what he said now. Leaving was hard, but leaving can make you stronger.