Suicide and Chemotherapy... Just What I've Always Wanted
Reliving What She Used To Do
I.
“Billie! I’m clean! I swear!” Autumn lied as she yelled through her tears, covering her face, afraid of his anger.
“Really? Is that why this was in our room?” he screamed back at her, knowing she was lying threw her teeth. He looked down at the kitchen floor with the urge to throw the tiny back of pot straight at her. She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. She pressed her palms hard on her eyes, protecting herself from the bag that was most likely going to be plunged at her.
Billie looked at her terror and crying, and the urge to pummel what he was holding disappeared. He saw the black colored tears streaming down the side of her face and onto her pink tank top. Curled up in a ball against the bottom of the white kitchen wall, was a weak brown haired women, sobbing with fear.
Billie dropped the bag onto the floor and took a few steps toward her, calming himself down as he went. He sat down next to her and pulled her towards his chest.
He cradled the warm, shaky body of his girlfriend tight and close, giver her comfort and the feeling of security. She fit perfectly in his figure of his body.
“Billie…” she sniffed and leaned up against him. “It’s just so hard.”
She cried onto the front of his shoulder, sobbing a little softer. She tried to look up at him but the emotional paralysis had her tears holding her back.
“I know baby… I know.” He held onto her and she immediately relaxed within his muscles, feeling safely protected.
He grasped her hand that she had tried to from him. She let him see it, to weak to fight back.
Billie gasped as he ran his fingers down the side of her wrist, seeing red cut and scars down the vein and flesh down her arm.
She had been cutting again, and he had been so blind not to notice. He should’ve realized. The signs were all there. She wore her arm socks more then usual; she wore sleeves in seventy-degree weather. She carried a pocket knife wherever she went; bought more razors; hid herself from him; started drugs again…
There for a while she was doing so well, Billie thought. But that was just a show. Tears formed in Billie’s eyes as he thought about what his girlfriend was putting herself through. He pulled her wrist up to his cheek and pressed the scars against the side of his face, closing his eyes.
“We’ll get through this...” he whispered in half to her, half to himself. “We just have to hang on…” and with his shuddering breath, a silent tear drifted down his cheek and into the open cuts on her wrist.
-Flashback-
Billie and Autumn sat in the waiting room of the doctors’ office, waiting for answers as fearful thoughts ran through both of their minds. He held her hand tight, noticing worry written all over her face.
A nurse walked through the door and looked over at the two of them.
“Autumn Stein?” the nurse looked at her, assuming it was the right person. Autumn stood up, along with Billie. They followed the nurse into a small examining room, where the nurse asked questions about Autumn’s health. Autumn answered them all nervously, with Billie by her side holding her hand tightly.
Shortly after, the nurse sent them to go get all kinds of scans: PET, CAT, and others that needed shots and had names Billie couldn’t pronounce. They had been sent to all corners of the hospital in the last 3 hours.
They ended up back inside the room they started out in, the room the nurse led them to.
Being only 19, the worst thoughts were haunting inside both of them.
Autumn had lost her parents a few years ago, and she met Billie, who took her in when she had nowhere to go. He’d been her only for over 2 years.
Billie showed her the way out of her problems with drugs and cutting; today being her 1 year and 6 months’ anniversary.
The door of the room opened as a female doctor with blonde hair walked in, holding a file folder. She sat down in the wheel-around chair across from Autumn, wearing a sympathetic face.
“Miss Stein, I have some good news and bad news.” The doctor said to her, making eye contact.
Classic line, Autumn thought. She grabbed Billie’s hand tighter.
“The tests reveal small masses or masses on your ovaries.”
Oh my fuck… Billie thought. Cancer…
Tears formed in Autumn’s eyes as she looked over at Billie.
“It appears that you have second- stage ovarian cancer.” The doctor continued in a sorrowful tone.
“But I’m only 18,” Autumn softly protested, holding back her tears.
“Ovarian cancer can be diagnosed up to as early as 14 years old.”
Autumn bit her lip and looked down at the floor. Billie rubbed her back, taking in deep breaths to hold back his own.
“But treatment is available, there is chemotherapy and radiation, but I am afraid we’ll need to do an oophorectomy, an remove your ovaries.”
A tear flowed from Autumn’s eye and drifted onto the white tile.
After going through hell, Billie and Autumn were finally allowed to leave after a mere 7 straight hours in a hospital.
They walked in silence to Billie’s Ford Fairlane, and began to drive home. It was dark out, but both could see the lights along the highway reflect the tears of each other’s cheeks.
“I’m so scared, Billie…”
-End Flashback-
After sitting and crying against the kitchen wall for nearly an hour, Autumn had eventually fallen asleep in Billie’s arms. He gently picked her up and took her into their bedroom upstairs. He sat down and looked at her face, tear stained with streaks of black rivers of mascara and eyeliner. He couldn’t imagine what pain she was going through.
He loved her, more than he could ever feel for anyone else. He was the only one who could ever feel this way for her, making him wonder if she would ever feel for anyone other than him.
If she’d leave or be taken away by her cancer, he was certain he wouldn’t survive without her. He’d either go with her when she left, or he would die of heartbreak. No kidding; he loved her that much.
* How did you like it??? Good, I hope...
“Billie! I’m clean! I swear!” Autumn lied as she yelled through her tears, covering her face, afraid of his anger.
“Really? Is that why this was in our room?” he screamed back at her, knowing she was lying threw her teeth. He looked down at the kitchen floor with the urge to throw the tiny back of pot straight at her. She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. She pressed her palms hard on her eyes, protecting herself from the bag that was most likely going to be plunged at her.
Billie looked at her terror and crying, and the urge to pummel what he was holding disappeared. He saw the black colored tears streaming down the side of her face and onto her pink tank top. Curled up in a ball against the bottom of the white kitchen wall, was a weak brown haired women, sobbing with fear.
Billie dropped the bag onto the floor and took a few steps toward her, calming himself down as he went. He sat down next to her and pulled her towards his chest.
He cradled the warm, shaky body of his girlfriend tight and close, giver her comfort and the feeling of security. She fit perfectly in his figure of his body.
“Billie…” she sniffed and leaned up against him. “It’s just so hard.”
She cried onto the front of his shoulder, sobbing a little softer. She tried to look up at him but the emotional paralysis had her tears holding her back.
“I know baby… I know.” He held onto her and she immediately relaxed within his muscles, feeling safely protected.
He grasped her hand that she had tried to from him. She let him see it, to weak to fight back.
Billie gasped as he ran his fingers down the side of her wrist, seeing red cut and scars down the vein and flesh down her arm.
She had been cutting again, and he had been so blind not to notice. He should’ve realized. The signs were all there. She wore her arm socks more then usual; she wore sleeves in seventy-degree weather. She carried a pocket knife wherever she went; bought more razors; hid herself from him; started drugs again…
There for a while she was doing so well, Billie thought. But that was just a show. Tears formed in Billie’s eyes as he thought about what his girlfriend was putting herself through. He pulled her wrist up to his cheek and pressed the scars against the side of his face, closing his eyes.
“We’ll get through this...” he whispered in half to her, half to himself. “We just have to hang on…” and with his shuddering breath, a silent tear drifted down his cheek and into the open cuts on her wrist.
-Flashback-
Billie and Autumn sat in the waiting room of the doctors’ office, waiting for answers as fearful thoughts ran through both of their minds. He held her hand tight, noticing worry written all over her face.
A nurse walked through the door and looked over at the two of them.
“Autumn Stein?” the nurse looked at her, assuming it was the right person. Autumn stood up, along with Billie. They followed the nurse into a small examining room, where the nurse asked questions about Autumn’s health. Autumn answered them all nervously, with Billie by her side holding her hand tightly.
Shortly after, the nurse sent them to go get all kinds of scans: PET, CAT, and others that needed shots and had names Billie couldn’t pronounce. They had been sent to all corners of the hospital in the last 3 hours.
They ended up back inside the room they started out in, the room the nurse led them to.
Being only 19, the worst thoughts were haunting inside both of them.
Autumn had lost her parents a few years ago, and she met Billie, who took her in when she had nowhere to go. He’d been her only for over 2 years.
Billie showed her the way out of her problems with drugs and cutting; today being her 1 year and 6 months’ anniversary.
The door of the room opened as a female doctor with blonde hair walked in, holding a file folder. She sat down in the wheel-around chair across from Autumn, wearing a sympathetic face.
“Miss Stein, I have some good news and bad news.” The doctor said to her, making eye contact.
Classic line, Autumn thought. She grabbed Billie’s hand tighter.
“The tests reveal small masses or masses on your ovaries.”
Oh my fuck… Billie thought. Cancer…
Tears formed in Autumn’s eyes as she looked over at Billie.
“It appears that you have second- stage ovarian cancer.” The doctor continued in a sorrowful tone.
“But I’m only 18,” Autumn softly protested, holding back her tears.
“Ovarian cancer can be diagnosed up to as early as 14 years old.”
Autumn bit her lip and looked down at the floor. Billie rubbed her back, taking in deep breaths to hold back his own.
“But treatment is available, there is chemotherapy and radiation, but I am afraid we’ll need to do an oophorectomy, an remove your ovaries.”
A tear flowed from Autumn’s eye and drifted onto the white tile.
After going through hell, Billie and Autumn were finally allowed to leave after a mere 7 straight hours in a hospital.
They walked in silence to Billie’s Ford Fairlane, and began to drive home. It was dark out, but both could see the lights along the highway reflect the tears of each other’s cheeks.
“I’m so scared, Billie…”
-End Flashback-
After sitting and crying against the kitchen wall for nearly an hour, Autumn had eventually fallen asleep in Billie’s arms. He gently picked her up and took her into their bedroom upstairs. He sat down and looked at her face, tear stained with streaks of black rivers of mascara and eyeliner. He couldn’t imagine what pain she was going through.
He loved her, more than he could ever feel for anyone else. He was the only one who could ever feel this way for her, making him wonder if she would ever feel for anyone other than him.
If she’d leave or be taken away by her cancer, he was certain he wouldn’t survive without her. He’d either go with her when she left, or he would die of heartbreak. No kidding; he loved her that much.
* How did you like it??? Good, I hope...