Shattered on the Ground

Reese Lynn was hallow.
To say she had forgotten how to smile was one thing, forgetting how to express any and all emotion was another.
Reese kept talking to a minimum; in fact she rarely talked to anyone beside Chris…who rarely talked to anyone beside Reese.
Reese wasn’t eating.
Doctors tried to scare her into eating by telling her health facts of what happened if she didn’t eat.
Nurses tried to threaten her into eating.
Chris asked her to eat a saltine cracker. For him, she did—then she it threw up.

Reese had been in the hospital for three days. She would have been allowed to go home the second day but they had discovered internal bleeding after she had complained of pains and now Reese would be spending another three days in the hospital bed.

She was loosing weight from not eating; the doctors did not have to tell her for her to now. She was tired all the time and no matter how many blankets Chris got for her she was always cold; more tests discovered that she was anemic.

All Reese knew how to do these past three days was sleep and cry. The sobs had subsided somewhat and had morphed into a silent muted cry, large tears that rolled silently down her cheeks. It had gotten to the point where you would not even know she was crying unless you looked at her.
She was sleeping now and Chris was thankful. Reese knew she was taking a toll on Chris mentally but she didn’t know how to act any better. How are you suppose to act when your twin sister, your other half dies? The similar question was, how are you suppose to live after the love your life and fiancée dies? It was these two questions that allowed Reese and Chris to stand each others company.

“How is she?” The voice was quiet, hesitant in the doorway of the hospital room. Chris had been staring numbly at Reese’s broken form, watching her sleep. He didn’t know what he was going to do with Reese, he needed to be there for Reese if not for her than for himself. Chris needed to be near the closest thing to Ashley he could get. He needed to care for Reese and it wasn’t out of obligation; Chris was family to Reese and Reese was family to Chris. He sighed tiredly and his gaze slowly rose to the figure in the doorway; 5’7, dark hair that fell into dark eyes, lip pierced mouth, jean jacket covered torso—

“She might just commit murder if she knew you were here, Nix.” Chris murmured emotionlessly. The boy in the door sighed, knowing that the patient in the bed whom he had come to see did not want him there.

“How is she?” He repeated insistently.

“She’s not going to die if that’s what your wondering.” Chris snapped and the boy sighed. Chris’s emotions had been understandably through the roof. He would go from emotionless and hallow to bitter anger in a second. For the first two days his friends had been there every second for him but today they had learned better. Chris was snapping out of the stage of shock and slowly moving into the stage of anger; a stage his friends didn’t know how to handle. But Nixon wasn’t always one to do what was best for him and so against their friends’ warnings he had gone in search of Chris and Reese.

“Chris-“ Nixon wasn’t sure what he was going to say, part of him wanted to apologize for numerous things the other half of him wanted to tell him to calm down but Nixon would voice either. Chris didn’t need nor want an apologize and telling him to calm down would just be throwing gasoline on sparks. But Chris had caught the gesture from the pronunciation of his name from Nixon’s lips. His shoulders slumped and he appeared if possible, more exhausted than he had a moment ago.

“Sorry,” he muttered and the fact that Chris was the one apologizing shocked Nixon.

“Why are you apologizing?” Nixon hesitated in the doorway, half afraid to enter. He was coward enough to not want Reese to know he was there if she were to awake.

“I know why you’re here. I know it’s not a platonic question of her physical health.” Nixon furrowed his brows in confusion, a platonic question? Chris glanced at his friend and sighed in slight exasperation. Chris was relieved to have a conversation that wasn’t sympathy filled or emotionally and mentally killing him—which was basically every conversation he had had with Reese recently. “You know if I wasn’t so emotionally drained I’d have half a mind to come over there and slap you Nixon.” Chris said in slight besetment. “Do you really think I’m that dense? I know you still like her.” He stated knowingly and Nixon opened his mouth to retort something but Chris cut him off. “You’re my best friend and she’s like my sister. Save your breath, don’t try to make excuses just accept it.”
Nixon dodged the topic; it wasn’t one he wanted to have. Not know, not like this, not with her half dead in a hospital bed only feet away.

“She hates me.”

“Don’t you think she has the right?” Nixon’s eyes rested on Reese before they darted away to land on a large painting on the beige wall, a beautiful picture of a sunrise over a large lake surrounded by trees.

“How did asking if she was okay lead to this conversant?” Nixon laughed humorlessly, his hands deep in his pockets. As he gazed at the portrait he recalled a similar picture Ashley had taken not long ago, his heart strings pulled at the thought of her.

“Because your not asking if she is physically okay,” Chris told him and Nixon raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not?”

“No, you want to know how she is mentally and emotionally okay because you know how she is, you know she doesn’t deal well with anything.” Chris gestured to Nixon, “Exhibit A.” Nixon frowned in response as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Are yours and Reese’s parents on a plane yet?”

“They got to New York before they grounded the flights there.” He shook his head bitterly. “I’ve been fighting off multiple aunts, uncles, cousins, and people I’m not even sure either of us are related to for three days.” A sigh escaped his lips as he took inventory of her every bandage and bruise. “She can’t be alone. I don’t trust her to be alone.”

“You think she’d try to do something to herself?” Nixon questioned surprised.

“Depression runs in her family.” Chris confided quietly. “Her mother is a good example of that, she didn’t deal with anything either. I don’t want her to be alone though; she’s been through so much. She needs people on her side, people who love her.” His eyes fell on Nixon and for the first time his gaze made Nixon uncomfortable. There was wiseness and a maturity in Chris’s eyes that had not been there four days ago. “I think I want to bring her on tour, get her away from here for a while. I want her to take pictures for us.” Chris wasn’t sure when he had decided this but he had and Nixon knew the large step it was for Chris. Ashley was their photographer; she’d been their photographer longer than Nixon had been in the band. Ashley had photographed every band Chris had ever been in since he was thirteen. Ashley was the only person who had ever taken photos of Embers Fade. It was a giant step for more than just Chris, it would be a giant step that the entire band would have to take together.

“Are you sure she’ll agree to that?” Nixon questioned hesitantly. Ashley wasn’t the only one who was a shutterfly; Reese was just as trigger happy if not more so behind a camera than Ashley ever had been. Nixon had seen the hundreds of photos Reese had taken last year over spring break, half of them were inanimate objects that no matter what Reese did to explain the photos, Nixon could not understand the meaning behind taking a picture of a quiet street or a flower. The words ‘depth of field’ and ‘rule of thirds’ were beyond him.
But Nixon knew Reese just as well as Chris did if not more so, he knew her quiet reserved side. Photography had always been Ashley’s thing so Reese had stayed in the shadows with her photography, not wanting to outshine her sister.

“Probably not,” Chris admitted with a tired shrug, “but if anything else it’s a last ditch effort to get her on tour if she tries to make excuses not to go.” Nixon’s phone beeped and as he pulled it from his pocket and read the text message he stuffed it back into his pocket looking partly torn. “What is it?”

“Jeff called Luke earlier today,” Nixon admitted quietly. “He wants to sign us to his new label.” A broken smile crossed his face and instantly turned into a grimace. A similar reaction had come from Luke, Tim, and Brandon had all had similar reactions. But a faint smile crossed Chris’s lips; it was a more positive reaction than anyone else was able to produce.

“That’s great.” He murmured softly but a frown slipped onto his face as he stared at Nixon’s apprehensive demeanor. His eyes narrowed in suspicion, “What did Luke say?” Chris questioned slowly.

“He said he had to talk to the rest of us, he said we would let him know.” Nixon stated carefully and Chris’s eyes grew sharper.

“Why?” He demanded.

“Chris, Ashley’s dead.” Nixon said quietly. He was the only one within the band with enough balls to actually say it to Chris’s face so soon after her death. But Nixon could deal with Chris’s wrath; he’d done it before—only last time Ashley’s small frame was standing between the two friends… “It’s not exactly good timing.”

“It is perfect timing.” Chris snapped heatedly. “In fact if we don’t sign that deal now I’m sure Ashley will make it her personal mission to haunt all our asses.” It startled Nixon of how easily Chris was able to talk about Ashley but abstractly he thought maybe a side of him was still in denial about what happened. “She’s done everything in her power and more to get us to where we are now, what do you think she would say if she herd that we might not take the deal because of her?”

“Chris it’s not like we were just waiting for your go ahead,” Nixon growled and Reese stirred in her sleep causing both men to momentarily forget their conversation as their eyes snapped to her slumbering form, the two barely breath as they waited for her to wake. But when Reese didn’t open her beautiful gray eyes the men’s tense forms relaxed slightly and Chris rose to his feet for the first time in hours and moved toward Nixon. He stepped out of the doorway and into the hall, Chris followed. “We’ve all kind of been pushed off our sense of direction, Chris.” Nixon continued the conversation. “None of us know what to do right now. Ashley’s death,” Chris winced slightly and looked away, down the hall toward the nurses’ station. “It’s put a lot of things into perspective for us. Right now, we all just want to be here. We want to be home, we don’t want to be off making life changing decision and thinking about our future. We just want to be here, home, with our families, with Reese.” A copper taste filled Chris’s mouth. He couldn’t disagree with Nixon, he wanted those things too. He wanted the world to stop spinning for a little while; he wanted the world to go away and seize to exist for a little while. But he also knew in the pit of his stomach that they needed to make the deal with Jeff. He knew that if they did as they wanted now, if they went home now and cherished every moment with their families and hid away in their homes that they would never leave.

“We can’t Nix,” Chris sighed tiredly and he slumped against the wall and closed his eyes. “This is our dream, its been our dream for so long…its been Ashley’s dream for so long. It would be an insult to her memory to not finally grab our dream when Ashley’s worked her ass off for years to get us here. If we don’t get out there now we never will.” Nixon looked unconvinced but the fact that he didn’t openly disagree with Chris, reassured him that Nixon agreed grudgingly.

“Chris?” The weak voice drifted out of the room and met the boys’ ears. Nixon froze but Chris just opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall.

“Tell Luke to call Jeff back and tell him we’d be happy to make a deal with him.” Chris ordered.

“We aren’t ’happy’ to do anything.” Nixon grumbled lowly as Chris moved past him and into the room, leaving Nixon alone in the hallway with a killer headache and an even worst bout of killer indecision.

“Who were you talking to?” Her voice met Nixon’s ears and he tried to ignore the fact that his ears were still so attuned to her voice after everything they’d gone through. After everything they had put each other through.

“No one,” Chris murmured quietly and Nixon knew that the relief that flooded his body was only proof that Reese and he could never have what they once did.

After all Reese hated him and Nixon avoided her like the plague…