Shattered on the Ground

“I’m going to go see the guys for a minute, okay?” Chris was beginning to feel claustrophobic within the confines of the hospital room he had spent the last five days within. It had gotten to the point that the nurses had placed a cot within the room. Reese nodded tiredly,

“mmkay,” She murmured tiredly. She was eating, that was the only positive thing that had taken place within Chris’s life today. She was eating. She may have been skipping breakfast and just eating a piece of toast for lunch and a few grapes for dinner but it was something. Chris rose from the cot and brushed died red strands of hair away from her forehead before kissing her there. He moved out of the room and down the hall. He was going to have a word with Nixon. Nixon was avoiding him as were the rest of the guys. The nurses told him daily that his friends were in the waiting room, a waiting room they had deemed their own. But every day his friends stayed within the confines of the waiting room, never venturing to Reese’s room. At first Chris thought it was because they did not know what to say to her but now he had his suspicions that they were avoiding him.
Gently pushing open the waiting room door Chris realize just how serious the nurses had been when they complained that his friends had taken over the waiting room. The aroma of KFC filled his noise and his stomach growled hungrily in response; hospital food wasn’t as friendly to his taste buds as fried chicken was. A Rerun of American Idol was playing on the T.V and Brandon was hanging upside down in one of the chairs; an action that was instantly up righted when he spotted Chris. The group was staring at him at a loss of words. Was Chris still in the angry stage of mourning where he would snap at any of them at any given moment or was he in the eerie calm stage that left them all on edge? Most of all, none of them could think of anything to say that didn’t involve sympathy.

“Did you call Jeff?” The question was directed at Luke but the entire party seemed uneasy by the question.

“Um—about that…”

“You didn’t talk to him?!” Aggravation and surprise was evident in Chris’s voice.

“We thought we needed a band meeting,” Tim spoke up. “you know, get our heads on straight. We can’t go in to this upside down and turned around.”

“What is there to talk about?”

“Ashley is dead.” Nixon stated and a heavy silence fell amongst the group. It was the second time Nixon had said it to Chris, the first time he had dealt with it calmly but now Chris just wanted to punch him.

“You think I don’t know my fiancée is dead?” Nixon winced slightly and Tim, Brandon, and Luke squirmed uneasily in their seats. “Do you also think that just because I’ve spent the longest four days of my life cooped up in Reese’s hospital room that I don’t know ya’ll are avoiding me?”

“Things aren’t what they were five days ago. We aren’t the same people we were five days ago.” Brandon stated quietly. “We aren’t the same band we were five days ago.” Realization of this fact hit Chris and left him silent. It was true, he wasn’t the person he was five days ago and there was no way their band would lyrically be producing the same things they would have five days ago.

“We want to change the name of the band,” Nixon announced. “We aren’t the same band, we aren’t Embers Fade anymore.”

“What do you suggest?” Chris wouldn’t fight them on this; they needed a new name for their new lives.

“Well, we aren’t really sure.” Tim admitted.

“But we wanted it to be in dedication to Ash,” Luke said quietly. An odd silence fell amongst the group. Nixon, Tim, Brandon, and Luke were unsure of Chris’s reaction to this suggestion and Chris was unsure of what to say. Goose bumps shot down his arms and pulled on his heart strings painfully, he knew it was the right thing to do—the only thing to do.

“Any ideas?” Chris prompted.

“Picture Penny, was one. Yeah know because she was a photographer and her middle name was Penelope.”

“But we all kind of like Framing Ashley or Hanley,” Nixon spoke up.

“I think,” Chris began quietly. “I think we should ask Reese what she thinks.” Nixon looked away, he didn’t like the prospect of being in the same room as Reese with her conscious but Tim, Brandon, and Luke agreed and Nixon didn’t have a choice.

_____________________________________________________________________
Chris entered the hospital room first, leaving, Luke, Tim, and Brandon, to crowd in the doorway and Nixon to hesitate behind them.

“Reese, we have an important question to ask you, okay?” Doctor Freedman had given her a strong dose of pain medication after the surgery she had had a few days prior and she had been out of it ever since. But Reese was aware of the boys in the doorway and it shook all the morphine from her hazy mind, leaving it sharp and aware.

“Yeah, okay.” She murmured hesitantly. She gazed curiously at each boy in turn and they offered her kind smiles in response. But she wasn’t concerned with the boys who presented themselves first; she was more concerned with the one boy hesitating behind the others, the only one who didn’t offer her a smile.

“We’re changing the name of the band,” Tim announced moving into the room and Chris sat down on the edge of Reese’s bed, near her feet.

“We want your opinion on names.” Brandon finished as he and Luke ventured into the room leaving Nixon to stand awkwardly in the doorway, his chocolate orbs boring holes into her grays.

“Alright,” Reese nodded tearing her eyes away from Nixon to stare at Chris questioningly. “Lets here ‘em.”

“Framing Ashley or Hanley?” Reese sucked in a breath and her gaze became startled,

“You’re asking me for an opinion for a new band name dedicated to Ashley.” It wasn’t a question but it left Reese with a new sense of importance. For it to represent her sister it had to be right. She began to panic, she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t name a band after her sister, what if the name was wrong, what if they got famous and she regretted the name.

“There isn’t a wrong answer here, Reesie.” The voice and nickname startled Reese and her eyes flashed to Nixon who was leaning against the doorway, staring at her curiously. His eyes locked with Reese’s and he saw all her insecurities, all her worries, and most of all the unbearable amount of pain that she hid expertly.
Chris was right, she couldn’t be alone. Because as Nixon stared at her, the idea of Reese being alone scared him more than anything else in this world ever could.

“Framing Hanley.” The name came to her as though it had been within the depths of Nixon’s eyes; it popped into her mind and left her mouth before she could ponder the name. But it felt right on her lips and a triumphed smile crossed her face knowing that she had made the right choice, a choice that had not even been present until now.

“Framing Hanley,” Chris tested the name on his lips and a crooked smile crossed his face, “I like it.” The boys nodded in agreement.

“It’s perfect.” Nixon stated and when Reese’s eyes landed on the boy she was startled to find his eyes had never left her. She knew in her heart that it was a reassurance to her and her alone that the name she had chosen was not the wrong one.

“Luke,” Luke’s head shot up and gazed at the drummer curiously. “now will you call Jeff.” Luke laughed breathlessly and moved silently out of the room, waving his cell phone over his head.

“Who’s Jeff?”

“Our new manager,” Tim grinned proudly, “we got signed.”

“Technically we aren’t signed yet,” Chris corrected.

“It all depends on how fast Luke can make a phone call actually.” Nixon said and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “He was probably the wrong person to send. Knowing him, it could take an hour just to find the number he left in his other pair of pants.” He commented in an after thought and it made Reese giggle quietly. A sound the startled everyone in the room, Reese was apprehensive, the sound seemed foreign on her lips but the twinkle in Nixon’s eyes and the smile that stretched across his face assured her that the sound was not wrong. The voice that drifted down the hall however was, and the smile and had begun on all of their faces instantly fell to frowns at the sound.

“Ken?” Nixon’s eyes grew wide and before his band mates could even produce a questioning glance his way, Nixon had disappeared out of the doorway and down the hall. Tim, Luke, and Brandon stared questioningly at the spot Nixon had been only moments before, Chris’s gaze however was watching Reese’s face carefully, gauging her action to the voice. Chris wasn’t sure if the look of indifference that filled her face was a good thing or not.

“What the-“ But Chris had already risen from the bed and he approached his three friends.

“Stay with Reese.” He ordered quietly before he moved toward the door and disappeared from sight. But Chris still herd the sentence leave Reese’s mouth,

“You know if any of you had half a mind you would go after him. You may just end up singer-less or drummer-less.” She stated offhandedly. “I guess it’s a good thing we’re in a hospital huh?”

Chris stormed down the hallway, all the anger and all the bitterness that had been carefully subdued about Ashley’s death came boiling up to the surface and abstractly he thought that it was unfortunate that it would all be unleashed on Nixon. He was rather fond of Nixon, he was a good friend but as the voice proved he wasn’t always the brightest.

“Nixon.” It could have been a yell because when Chris opened the waiting room door he all but jumped out of skin; had the scenario been different and Chris would have laughed at the reaction. He contemplated against grabbing him by the collar of shirt and dragging him into the hall but that would result in the pretty brunette beside him to yell and protest, plus there would be too many witnesses in the hall. “April,” His eyes turned on the girl beside him. “could you give us a minute.” April nodded,

“Of course,” she murmured quietly, instantly leaving Nixon’s side to move around Chris and slip out of the room. It was quite as Chris glared at the singer…it was quite until the door clicked behind April.

“Kenneth Nixon I could throttle you!” Chris yelled angrily. Nixon was on the other side of the room but that didn’t stop the wince that crossed him at the intensity of Chris’s voice. “After everything she’s been through, you pull that shit!” He gestured wildly to the thick mahogany door behind him. “She was doing so well too. I mean for Christ sake you had her laughing!” The anger mixed with the deep aggravation he felt toward the singer. He took two steps forward and Nixon looked warily at the drummer. “You just don’t get it do you,” He laughed humorlessly. “you don’t fucking get it.” He threw his arms up in the air. “No one fucking gets it!”

“Why don’t you tell me what I don’t get?” Nixon suggested quietly. He knew better than to try and explain April’s presence, Chris was past reasoning at the moment and trying to defend himself would probably just result with Nixon on the multicolored carpeted floor.

“April,” He threw his hands up in front of him in mock defense. “Don’t get me wrong I’m sure she’s great. In fact if things weren’t the way they are I would consider her a friend. But things are the way they are. You know what April does to her.”

“April doesn’t do anything to her.”

“That is a load of shit and you know it. You know Reese, dammit! Acting like you don’t is an insult to yourself, Ash, and Reese.” Nixon winced, that was harsh. Dragging dead best friends into a conversation was crossing the line. But Chris was right, acting like he didn’t know Reese was an insult to Ashley. It had been Ashley who had introduced the two, it had been Ashley who had immaturely locked them in the bathroom together until they admitted their feelings to each other, it was Ashley (that by some miracle) didn’t hate him after everything was said and done. “Why the hell is she here anyway? April isn’t confrontational but it’s obvious she doesn’t like Reese.”

“She was here for you,” Nixon said tiredly. “She was here to send her regards. You may not be friends with April but Ashley was.” Ashley was friends with everyone and it bewildered Chris how she could be friends with April and then go home to Reese. Chris pursed his lips and turned away, he couldn’t fight Nixon anymore; not with that said.

“Send her home,” It was more of a plea than an order. “the last thing I need is her presence throwing Reese back to stage one and not eating.” He didn’t wait for Nixon’s reply, he felt foolish now and just wanted to walk away and cool off before he started a fight out of nothing. He turned and moved swiftly for the door. Chris moved for the opposite direction of Reese’s room and abruptly darted into a vacant waiting room. He leaned against the wall quietly before a sob broke through his lips and he crashed to the ground. The emotions he’d buried, the emotions Nixon had managed to bring up could not be suppressed anymore. The anger, the pain, the sorrow, the mind dizzying disbelief, the incomprehension, it all came crashing around Chris in giant waves. His throat was closing and an obstruction was forming there, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t swallow and he was gasping for breath. But the sobs came on their own accord and the tears that flooded down his cheeks were unstoppable and so he struggled to simply breathe while his body continued to produce tears and his lungs refused to accept air. Chris didn’t notice the door open but he noticed the door click shut and the body that slowly sat down beside him. He noticed the hand that went around his shoulder and Chris collapsed into him.

“We were going to get married,” Nixon closed his eyes tightly. He wasn’t strong, he wasn’t this strong, he couldn’t bear to listen to the words that flowed miserably and brokenly from his best friend’s lips but he did and he would. “We were supposed to get married,” Chris repeated and a spasm wracked his body with a horrible sobs. “We were supposed to have kids, and grow old together.” Nixon was at a loss for words. This wasn’t suppose to happen, this happened to other people, not to Chris, not Ashley. There were no words for this; no words that could ease Chris’s pain, no words that could ease Nixon’s. So instead the hand that was resting on Chris’s shoulder squeezed it tighter as he cried. “Why? Why her? She was fine-fine. She was perfectly fine two weeks ago; she was perfectly fine five days ago. How can she just be gone? How can that be?” He questioned lost.

“I’m sorry,” Nixon murmured helplessly. “I’m so sorry Chris.” Silent tears cascaded down Nixon’s own cheeks as painful flashes of Ashley crossed his mind. Her brilliant smile, her wind chime laugh, the camera that had always seemed an extension of herself, her oddly gray eyes— Reese’s oddly gray eyes. Suddenly flashes of Reese were filling his mind and Nixon couldn’t stop them. Reese’s laugh, Reese’s lips, the two punctured marks within her lip where two silver rings gleamed in the light, the feel of the metal against his lips, the taste of her lips against his, the feel of her in his arms and how she fit perfectly like a puzzle piece there, flashes of her crazy red and black hair, her porcelain skin, the blush of her cheeks. Each one hit Nixon like a whip, mercilessly and unforgiving.

The two friends sat on the floor, tears streaming down their faces as they thought of the girls that would never be in their arms again.