You're the Direction I Follow

My stomach churned nervously as I fiddled with my fingers, a heavy sigh leaving my lips. Was this what I really wanted to do? Get back on the horse -- as Monica said -- and saddle up once more, just to have something, or someone else, bring me down once more? To crush me, leaving me out of it for another two years?

I knew that Monica was right: two years had been too long. We both knew -- everyone knew what the media was saying about me. Everybody thought I was gone for good, and nobody remembered my name. It always stung, even just thinking about it. For two years, I listened to the drawl of magazines and TV shows, and all of it only built up more as I grew increasingly frustrated. It wasn't that I didn't want to get my ass out of my bed and quit moping, to show everybody that I was more than they thought; it was just that I couldn't. Every time I tried, a vivid image of Massie flashed in the back of my head, a painful reminder of who wasn't there to support me anymore.

She was my best friend -- my number one fan, my rock, my pillar. But that was my downfall. I depended on her too much. So you can imagine how I felt after her death.

I guess Monica could see the pain clouding my eyes, because I soon felt an assuring hand on my shoulder. "You're gonna be fine, babe."

I sighed. "I better be. Otherwise this would be the one time that you would be wrong. And you can bet that I wouldn't let you forget."

"I know, you hold a mean grudge," Monica laughed, "Now, they should be comin' in soon, so just relax, and let it all come back to you, alright?"

"Let what come back to me?"

"Your mojo."

"My mojo," I repeated, rolling my eyes. "Right. Who am I working with anyways? God, let's hope it's not an asshole, or anything. That would suck, having to make my comeback with --"

"Hey," a voice interrupted, "Sorry we're kinda late. I'm Joe."

My head jerked up and my eyes settled on the figure that appeared in the doorway. And my jaw nearly dropped at who I saw -- Joe Jonas. Of all people, my manager had to set me up with Joe Jonas. We met way back, during a Broadway show, where we had to play he leading roles with each other. I sighed quietly. There had always been tension between me and the Jonas family, seeing as Kevin always hated me. Apparently, he thought it was 'fake and superficial.' Whatever.

She couldn't set me up with Nick, or anything? I thought sarcastically.

Ironically, at that very moment, none other than Nicholas Jerry Jonas trailed after his older brother, entering the room and taking a seat opposite from me.

I managed a weak grin, as I felt color rise in my cheeks. If anything, Nick was even worse. We did a crazy amount of shows together, and over the months, I remembered developing a tiny, miniscule -- okay, huge crush on him. It was especially embarassing because it was -- possible that I didn't know how to handle boys back then, so I might've let him know. But eventually, we parted our ways; Nick and his brothers became famous, and I progressed into singing and acting.

"Mackenzie?" Nick and Joe chorused, their eyes widening with incredulity.

"Hi," I waved timidly, smiling slightly.

"Wow, it's been -- so long. Uh, wow. How have you -- how have you been?" Nick questioned, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Oh, nothing, Nick, besides the fact that my sister died and I've been out of the business for two years. Yes, of course I was going to say that to my childhood crush. "Well -- not too good. My sister died, so, it hasn't been too good..."

"Is that why you've been out of it for two whole years?" Joe asked bluntly, receiving a harsh nudge on the side from Nick.

"Sorry." Nick smiled sheepishly, on behalf of his brother.

I couldn't help but smile a little. It was somewhat reassuring to know that some things hadn't changed. "It's okay. But yeah, I just had to take some... Downtime. But I'm back now."

"Good to hear," the younger Jonas grinned.

There was an awkward silence, before I spoke up again. "So, uh, are you two both leading men, or are one of you just here to marvel over the amazing Mackenzie?" I asked nervously. Oh, how I was going to kill Monica for not telling me.

A familiar smirk crossed Joe's face, whereas Nick smiled. "Actually, I get the honor of playing your leading man. Joe is the understudy, and he tagged along for the line reading, so he knows what's going on... In case I should take a spill, or something horrific like that."

I could see Monica smirk out of the corner of my eye, and I silently promised myself that she'd get it later, as I nodded knowingly, in response to Nick.

"Eh, you'll be lucky if something happens to Nick. You'd get the privilege of working with me," Joe smirked.

"Uh huh," I grinned, my expression smug, "And we all know any girl would be lucky to work with the Joe Jonas."

"Right." I smiled. "Well then, we should get to work, shouldn't we?" I clarified, indicating the scripts that were laid out carefully on the coffee table before us, along with the bottles of water.

"That we should," Nick agreed, taking a script of his own, before handing one to me. We both opened to the starting page, and Nick cleared his throat before he began.

---

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as Nick and I crossed the threshold to our house. Reading lines had been more painful than I thought. With any other person, it would have been fine, but of course, we had to be working with Mackenzie. Mackenzie, of all people.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with her -- in fact, it was almost the exact opposite. Ever since we did our first Broadway show, I knew I had fallen for her, fast and hard. Our families were especially close -- with the exception of Kevin, who always hated her for some reason -- and I actually got my own hopes up, thinking I had a chance.

And then she admitted her crush on Nick. I swore I was heart-broken. And even as she performed more and more shows with Nick, and less with me, I still felt that tint of jealousy every time I saw her and my younger brother laughing, and having fun together. Even as we got famous, and she became the great Mackenzie, there was still that part of me that was attached to her. Even after she practically disappeared for two years, after the death of her sister, I still thought about her.

Seeing her in person only caused my feelings for her to resurface. She looked more beautiful than ever -- the same vibrant blue eyes, and long brown hair.

"That was exciting," Nick commented as he went into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. "It's so awesome that we get to work with Mackenzie again."

"Yeah," I agreed faintly, sitting on a stool at the island. "Awesome."

"She looked pretty amazing, too, after two years of dealing with Massie's death."

"Mhm."

This was what hurt the most -- knowing that my little brother liked her, too. Even if Mackenzie ever did look my way, or ever give me a chance, I knew that I wouldn't do that to Nick. I couldn't do that to Nick.

"You think I might have a chance?" Nick asked as he re-capped the bottle.

I managed to curve my lips into a smile. "Definitely. Go for it, man."

Nick beamed, obviously satisfied with my answer. "Thanks, dude." He walked out of the room, seemingly brighter.

I sighed. Being Nick's understudy for this new romance film was going to be harder than I thought.