You're the Direction I Follow

“Kenz, hun, please?” Monica pleaded with me, as she had been doing for the past half hour. “They want you for this part. They need you for this part. This is –“

“—So important to my career, yeah, I know,” I finished for her, rolling my eyes.

“Right. And hun, you know you gotta –“

“—Go back out there and show ‘em what I got. I know.” Monica opened her mouth to continue, but I cut her off again. “I gotta show ‘em all that Mackenzie Torres is back, and kicking ass. Mon, I know. But I – I just can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?” she demanded, her eyebrows slanting into diagonal lines, her eyes filled with curiosity as she urged me to go on, glad to know that she was finally getting a response from me, what with all the pestering she had been doing.

I opened my mouth to speak, yet no words came out. I sighed. “Massie,” I said simply.

“What about Massie?” asked Monica, arching an eyebrow.

“She’s gone.”

“Yes, we’ve established that hun. But just because she’s dead—“ I winced at the harshness of the word “—Doesn’t mean you can’t do your job anymore.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, my eyes flickering around the living room, not wanting to meet Monica’s gaze. “You know what I mean, Mon.”

“Kenz, babe, you’ve had two years to deal with her not being able to be there for you anymore. Two years. Isn’t that long enough?”

“Monica –“ I started, only to be cut off by the doorbell. My eyebrows pulled together as I tried to remember if I was expecting anybody. “Who’s that?”

“You’ll see. Wait here.” Monica smirked, pushing herself off the couch to go open the door. Distant voices carried into the living room, but I couldn’t establish whether the person was a boy or girl. I strained to try to listen to their conversation, yet all I heard were low murmurs.

“Hey Mackenzie.”

My gaze flickered up, and I could feel the color flooding my cheeks once I saw who it was.

“Hey Nick,” I replied casually with a smile, silently wondering whether I would blush every time I saw him. I looked back and forth from Nick to Monica, and then it hit me – she probably set this up to get Nick to try and convince me to take this part. She knew it would be harder to say no to him.

Nick’s lips curved upwards, and he stood there awkwardly next to my manager, unsure of what his next action should be. I smirked. “You can sit down, you know. I won’t bite.”

“You sure?” he joked as he fell into the couch cushion next to me.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Monica winked, her expression smug as she left the room.

I turned to Nick. “So… Did you want anything to drink? Or eat? Cause I can get that for you,” I said, trying to move away from the subject I knew he was sure to bring up soon.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Are you sure? Cause –“

“Mackenzie, I’m okay,” he interjected my sentence, before lowering his tone, “And I think we both know what I’m here to talk about.”

“Damn,” I cursed softly, biting my lip.

He chuckled. “So tell me – why don’t you wanna take this role?”

My gaze met his, and I saw it in his eyes – the wonder, the confusion, the slight glint of desperation. I contemplated in my head whether or not I should tell the truth. “There are many reasons,” I started off slowly.

“Like?”

“My sister.”

“Your sister,” Nick repeated, his eyes boring into mine. “Your sister…”

“Is gone,” I finished.

“I know. And I’m sorry – but what does your sister have to do with any of this? I mean, not to be harsh or anything, but it’s been –“

“Two years, I know,” I laughed slightly. “That’s what everyone’s been saying. ‘Two long agonizing Mackenzie-free years,’ to quote my friend Mitchie. And I know it’s been two years. I just –“ I sighed, stopping myself. “Did you ever think that two years would be too long? To long for someone, even me, to make a comeback? Everyone has forgotten my name by now. The legendary Mackenzie Torres is no more. I’m nothing but another star that’s faded. Gone with the wind,” I added for dramatic effect.

“Two years isn’t too long, Kenz,” Nick tried to convince me, “And how could people forget you? You’ve made history, practically. And the legendary Mackenzie Torres is still here, alive. She’s sitting right in front of me. You’re not faded. And you’re not gone with the wind." He paused. "But you will be, if you don’t take this role.”

Damn, this kid was good. And he sure seemed determined to make me accept the role – but why? Why was he even putting in an effort to try and convince me, when he knew that everyone else couldn’t? Did he especially want me to take the role?

“What if I suck? What if I’ve lost it? What if –“

“What if there were no ‘what ifs?’” Nick interjected my sentence, smirking a bit. “And you can’t try to sell me that bullshit. You can’t lose what you have, Mackenzie. I’ve acted with you, I’ve been with you on stage, remember? You’re – amazing. Someone who’s that good on stage, has to be born with it. So don’t tell me that it’s been too long for you to just get back in the game, and pick it all up, again. We both know – everyone knows you’re better than that.”

I blushed at his compliment. “Thanks,” I said slowly. “But –“

He rolled his eyes, breathing a sigh of exasperation. “I haven’t convinced you yet? Man, I thought I was doing pretty well; being deep, and all. I even had the whole cheesy dialogue thing going on. ”

Laughing, I replied, “You’re doing extremely well.” I wasn’t gonna lie. He was being pretty freaking amazing himself, for nearly winning me over. There was something about him. Just talking to him made me realize why I had liked him in the first place. “A couple more things, though.” He nodded, motioning for me to continue. “What if people don’t want me back in the business? What if a washed-up ‘legendary’ star isn’t good enough for them?" I paused, wracking my brain to think up of more excuses to find arguments against. "And there are some people who have been freaking jumping for joy that I’ve been out of it for the past two years. What happens when they find out I’m coming out with another Mackenzie Torres box office hit? I’m pretty sure they won’t be so happy then. And yet they’ll still talk to me. God that pisses me off. It’s like, if you don’t like me, then get the hell away from me. ”

“You suck at making excuses,” he commented, causing me to gasp in an over exaggerated fashion. I pretended to look hurt as he continued, “They wouldn’t be asking you for this role if they thought you sucked, would they? They wouldn’t be willing to go to all lengths just to get you to play this role. And everybody has competition. Technically, we’re all each others competition. In Hollywood, you’re surrounded by fake people. People who are whining about their status, and people who are willing to do anything to get to the top. Anyways, you’ve dealt with it before. You can deal with it now. ”

I sighed as I felt my walls crumbling. Nick was destroying them by the second. “But what if everything is going great? I’m living life, loving it – the parties, the fame, the fortune, the fans. Just like I was before. And then bam – something tragic happens. I lose it. I lose it all. I’m knocked down. And this time, I won’t be able to get back up. I won’t be able to make a comeback. I’ll be permanently erased from Hollywood. A has-been,” I explained, speaking quietly.

Nick’s eyes softened as our gazes connected. They flooded with understanding as he registered all I had said. “Mackenzie, you know that if anything ever happens, I’m right here behind you – one hundred percent. And I’ll be here to help you back up. If you ever need a helping hand…”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

He returned the expression. “You wanna know the real reason you should take this role?”

“Go for it.”

“I really wanna shoot this movie with you. I felt… Extremely bad when your sister died. I wanted to help you. But we had lost touch. And I know I’ll feel forever guilty if we don’t catch up with each other, and I don’t make up for not being there. I wanted to – I want to be friends with you again. I –“

“Nick,” I stopped him, giggling to some extent. “It’s okay. I get it. And that’s really sweet.”

He brightened up. “So you’ll do it?”

I sighed, biting my lip. I knew that he wasn’t leaving until I agreed. And the argument he put up was actually logical. “Sure. But only for you.”

“Cool,” Nick grinned. “So while we’re being all emotional, and getting everything out, here... I was just wondering if – maybe you – we could –“

“Nick,” I repeated, stifling my laughter, “Breathe.”

“Right." He chewed on his lower lip, running a hand through his curls. "I know it might be moving a little fast, and I hope I’m not being too, er, forward, or anything, but I was just wondering if – if you wanted to go over lines… Possibly over dinner?”

My breath got caught in my throat.

What?