You're the Direction I Follow

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, clearing my throat as I searched desperately for the right words to say. Was it really that obvious? “Just watching the scene. Nick and Mackenzie are uhm – are really great actors, huh?” I grinned feebly, hoping that it would suffice, my eyes flicking over to where my Mackenzie and Nick were filming, hoping that they hadn’t stopped and noticed anything.

Courtney pulled her eyebrows together as she walked towards me. “Joe, you weren’t watching the scene. I have eyes. You were like salivating over somebody. And considering Nick is your brother, and that’d be kinda weird, I’m guessing that you were staring at a certain Miss Mackenzie.”

“I wasn’t salivating,” I protested, rolling my eyes as I tried to brush Courtney’s suggestion off coolly. I cursed myself silently. If I was going to be Nick’s understudy, I really needed to work on this whole acting thing.

“But you were still watching her,” Courtney taunted in a sing-song voice, her eyes glinting with amusement.

“No –“

“Joe, don’t even try. It’s so obvious. You’re like heartbroken because Mackenzie has never even thought about seeing you as more than a friend. And then you feel horrible because you know she’s so in love with Nick, and Nick’s your brother, and you don’t wanna hurt him either,” she ranted, as if all the pieces were coming together now. She smirked. “Right? Right? I’m right, aren’t I?”

I stared at her, trying to free myself of the color that was rushing to my cheeks. “Are you sure you don’t need continue making predictions about my love life? You know, get it all outta your system?”

She rolled her eyes, smiling lightly. “Joe, do you love her?”

I sighed, looking away, attempting to avoid the sympathetic gaze that I knew Courtney was giving me. I did love her. But the problem was, Nick did too. And as much as I loved Mackenzie, no matter how breathtakingly beautiful she was, no matter how funny, how nice, how caring she was, the fact still stood that I would never do anything to hurt Nick. Family came first. Nick was my brother. And even though every inch of my heart longed for Mackenzie – even though I knew nobody would ever fit with me like she did, I was pretty sure that she was also made to fit with Nick. And that killed me.

“Joe? Do you?” Courtney repeated softly, trying to regain my attention.

“No,” I said firmly, deciding that it would be better to lie first. I couldn’t risk word getting out; I could already hear word spreading, could already see the headlines and the tabloids. Trying to deflate rumors would be too much, even though I would know that I’d be trying to erase the truth. And I don’t know whose reaction would be worse – Nick, or Mackenzie’s. “No, I don’t.”

Courtney stared at me skeptically, her eyes searching mine for any trace of deceit; I tried to keep them blank, hoping that she wouldn’t discover anything else about my love life. “You don’t.” She sounded disappointed.

“I don’t,” I confirmed, keeping my voice free of any hesitant or doubt. If only that statement were true, I thought bitterly to myself, Things would be so much less complicated if I didn’t fall for Mackenzie freaking Torres. For the love of my life that was, unfortunately, also the love of somebody else’s life. For somebody who’s never even thought about seeing me in a different light. For – I winced, trying to keep my lips from curving into a grimace. For my brother’s girlfriend.

Silence settled over us, causing me to turn awkwardly in my seat, shifting my gaze to the set once more. Was it that apparent that I loved Mackenzie? Could people tell just from one glance at me? Or was it in my eyes, or something cheesy like that?

My eyes found their way to Mackenzie again, once more making everything else around me insignificant. I watched her as she acted flawlessly – her and my brother really were great actors.

“Not psychotic,” Nick insisted. “Just – in love.”

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow, appearing to be taken back by Nick’s answer. She brushed it off quickly, back to her cynical, sarcastic character in a heartbeat. “If I cared, I would feel bad for the girl you’re in love with. You must annoy the hell outta her, kinda like you’re doing to me right now.” Nick smirked. “So if you could just do me a favor – get your psychotic ass out of here, and don’t come back.”

Nick laughed. “You know you love my ass,” he said suggestively.

I almost gagged, while Mackenzie pretended to. “Please just leave. I made you like five billion cups of coffee. Your caffeine needs are fulfilled. You succeeded in fully and completely creeping me out and almost making me barf. Your job is done – you’ve scared the shit out of someone for the day. Congrats. Now please, please, please leave,” she pleaded, her voice dripping with sarcasm at just the right parts, her tone laced with desperation in all the particular places.

“Alright,” Nick finally obliged, his face smug as he turned to head towards the door. “But you’ll see me again.”

“Ew, I hope I don’t,” Mackenzie replied. “Now get out.”

“Love you too,” Nick smirked as he left the fake diner, the bell jingling as he closed the door. Mackenzie sighed, staring after him, biting her lip before turning to finish cleaning up.

“Cut,” the director shouted, “Beautiful.”

Mackenzie is beautiful, I sighed to myself. My eyes narrowed with irritation as I watched Nick walk towards Mackenzie, both of them leaning their foreheads against each other before their lips touched. Cringing, I looked away.

“You do love her,” Courtney murmured, causing my head to snap back in her direction. She laughed softly at my questioning look. “It’s so easy to see Joe. The way you look at her says it all. Mackenzie’s just – blind to anybody else but Nick. That’s how you are in new relationships.”

“And since when did you become an expert on relationships,” I mumbled, looking away.

“Since I’ve been through this so many times before,” Courtney responded with a sad smile. “Joe, it’s okay. Your time will come soon.”

I clenched my teeth together, starting to get annoyed. “Look, Courtney – as much as I appreciate you trying to give me advice, I do not love her.”

“You don’t love who?”

I gulped at the familiar voice, wondering how much they had heard. I turned to face Mackenzie, with Nick’s arm around her waist.

Shit.