Do You Think You're Up For This?

“Put the days together and they start to do some damage, if the mean is in the middle, I know that I will manage.” – Bishop Allen

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“Breakfast!” Suzie announces, coming through the bus’s door. She hands me a smoothie and a paper bag.

“You’re amazing,” I tell her gratefully, taking my bagel out of the bag.

“I know,” she grins back.

“Where’s mine?” Jude interrupts.

“Get pregnant, then I’ll do shit for you,” she retorts, settling herself at the small booth and pulling her sandwich out of another bag as Jude whines.

Suzie and all the guys have been taking extra steps to make me comfortable on this tour. It’s sweet of them, considering I’m the reason we’re going on break.

It doesn’t matter what they say, I still feel bad for it.

“Press in twenty!” Wes interrupts, coming in from the back with Seb. I sigh, pulling a hoodie over my head, so I won’t forget to later.

It’s really not noticeable; maybe just as if I’ve gained a few pounds, but I’m still slightly paranoid about anyone noticing and asking about it.

We only have a week or so of tour left; then we get to go home and things somewhat go back to normal.

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“Any plans for a new album anytime soon?” the radio host asks, fiddling with the volume of our mics.

“We’re not in any rush,” Seb immediately says into the mic we’re sharing.

“We’ll finish up the tour, and see where we go from there,” Suzie adds. “We don’t really have anything planned for the next few months.”

I’m glad they’re here to help out and that I’m not doing this alone, as is sometimes the case.

The interview is thankfully over ten minutes later, which we end with an acoustic from our last album.

From there, we head back to the venue for sound check, with a meet and greet afterwards at the local mall.

By the time we’re through, I have time to take a nap for a few hours before we go onstage.

I try to call Michael before falling asleep, but there’s no answer.

I fall asleep trying to convince myself I can make it through the rest of this tour.

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Michael

We’re all at Sisky’s tonight, watching tv. We’d tried writing songs earlier in the day at our practice space, but ended up leaving, ordering Chinese food, and messing around instead.

“How’s Rae?” William asks.

“Good, just…I don’t think she should be touring right now, you know?”

“Dude. I don’t know how you’re not freaking out about this,” Sisky interrupts, shaking his head.

“If Rae’s happy, I’m happy,” I say, shrugging.

“Then you’re going to be happy changing diapers and shit,” Butcher teases me.

I roll my eyes at everyone. I know they’re all drunk, with the exception of Bill, and I’m not, because I have to make the long drive back to the apartment and also to drop Mike off at his and Suzie’s place.

“Right, Mike?” Butcher continues.

Mike mumbles something incoherent and downs the rest of his beer.

Mike’s been in an odd mood ever since Suzie left.

“You wanna leave yet?” I ask him, since I’m getting tired and I personally think he’s had enough to drink by now. He shrugs, standing up and pulling on his shoes and jacket in response.

I follow him out the door, shrugging to everyone else and saying goodbye.

Mike stumbles along into the passenger seat, and I put the keys into ignition. We drive silently along the deserted highway for awhile. Mike only stares out the window morosely.

“You been…okay?” I ask hesitantly.

“Fucking fantastic,” he replies, sarcasm coating every syllable. He pulls a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. I roll the windows down as he lights one up, even though it’s chilly out by now.

It’s all silence until we get onto city streets. I check my phone for the first time since this afternoon once we reach a stop light.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath. “I missed Rae’s call.”

“At least she calls,” he suddenly mumbles bitterly. “We don’t…we don’t even have sex anymore, Chiz,” he admits, concentrating on some spot outside the window.

“It’s hard to have sex with someone when they’re out on tour,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Silence.

“I guess,” he finally answers.