Do You Think You're Up For This?

“Come here, please hold my hand. Lord, now, help me, I'm scared please show me how.” – Blink 182

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“I don’t know, Bill,” Michael says into his cell phone as I listen in curiously, shooting him a questioning look. He just shakes his head as if it’s not important, but I know better and it just makes me more curious. “Well…I…I’ll think about it.” he hangs up.

“What happened?” I ask him.

“Bill asked if I wanted to go for the last weeks of tour. It was Seb’s idea.”

“You should go,” I tell him immediately. He frowns uncertainly.

“But…Rae-”

“Just go, Michael. I’m not due for another month, you’ll be back before then. If I need anything, I’ll call Suzie or my mom. No big deal.”

The both of us shouldn’t have to put our careers on hold, after all.

I feel guilty enough as it is, holding my own band back.

“I don’t like leaving you when you’re-” he starts to protest.

“Michael. Please. It’s bad enough that I can’t go anywhere, you should go on this tour.”

“Rachel,” he states firmly. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving you like this.”

“Well, I don’t feel comfortable making you miss tour,” I retort stubbornly in determination. I look at him with watery eyes, not caring if he thinks I’m insane for getting emotional over something so stupid. He sighs, and with that, I know he’s slowly giving in.

“If I go-”he starts. I grin, immediately cheering up and hugging him. “I’m going to call you an annoying amount of times every day, just in case.” I laugh. “I’m serious, Rae,” he insists. “And if anything happens, I want to be first to know.”

“Obviously,” I reply, kissing his cheek. He pulls me closer as I’m backing away.

“I’ll be so relieved once the baby’s here,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the skin just below my ear.

“You don’t know the half of it,” I reply, sighing.

“One more month,” he breathes into my ear, his hands running down my pregnant stomach.

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It’s a few weeks later, the very last day of their tour when it happens.

“I feel funny,” I announce, holding my stomach.

“What do you mean?” Suzie asks.

“I…I think…my water broke?” I say unsurely. Her eyes widen and she gives me a frantic look.

“What the fuck does that mean?!” she asks. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know!” I exclaim back.

“I’m calling your mom,” she says, scrambling for her phone.

“You can’t, they’re visiting my grandparents this week, she’s a two hour drive away!” I point out. “You have to take me now.”

“Fuck!” she exclaims, tugging nervously at her long hair. “Shit, you can’t just wait like one more day?!” she demands.

“Not helping!” I yell back, wobbling down the hall and to my room while she follows frantically at my heels. “Help me pack so we can go to the hospital,” I instruct, trying to stay calm while I can.

My hands shake as I try to pack clothes into a small duffel bag. I bite my lip, tugging the zipper closed unsteadily. I accidentally let a sob escape.

“Rae?” Suzie asks in alarm.

“Let’s go,” I tell her, wiping my wet eyes with the backs of my hands.

“Okay…” she replies doubtfully, making sure I have everything I need before helping me waddle from the apartment to the car. “Um, do you want to call Michael?” she asks, as soon as she starts driving.

“I want to…make sure first. I’m not due till next week,” I manage to say, even as I’m holding back tears. “I-I don’t want him to be worried if I’m not actually having it. M-maybe it’s j-just false labor,” I explain, although I just don’t want to believe it’s happening without him being here. I try to slow my breathing to prevent myself from having a panic attack.

“If you have this baby in my car, you’re cleaning it,” she warns, trying to lighten the mood. I don’t reply and turn on the stereo to distract myself.

We drive the rest of the way to the hospital without speaking, broken when we arrive and check in.

“Only family,” the nurse says, glancing towards Suzie.

I quickly shoot her a pleading look, begging her not to leave my side.

“I’m her step-sister,” she lies effortlessly, after catching the look in my eyes.

The nurse looks like she doesn’t quite believe us, but allows Suzie to tag along anyway, and I let out a sigh of relief.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m trying even harder not to panic while my doctor checks me in the examination room.

“You’re progressing quickly, Rachel. You should be having the baby within the next twenty-four hours,” he informs me. “Probably less.”

“No,” I blurt out abruptly. “I can’t. Michael’s not here yet.” He gives a sympathetic half-smile. “I have to wait for Michael, then I’ll have the baby when he’s here. Okay?” I ramble, so I won’t cry.

“I’m sorry, Rachel. Your water broke, you’re having contractions, and your baby’s going to have to come out soon,” he says, glancing at Suzie for help. She bites her lip, nodding at him before he leaves the room with my chart.

“Did you call him?” I demand of her helplessly, feeling tears itch the corners of my eyes.

“I called all the guys, Rae. They must be playing their set right now. Your parents aren’t answering either,” she says, chewing her lip anxiously, reaching over to hold my hand. I squeeze her fingers and grit my teeth until my next contraction passes.

My breathing begins coming irregularly in my panic; I don’t want to hear what Suzie and the doctor are telling me and I’m scared out of my mind on top of it all.

“It-it’s so h-hot in here,” I pant.

“Rae, you need to calm down,” Suzie tries, but I can’t, and my heart rate increases uncontrollably.

“Mrs. Chislett, please calm down,” the nurse chimes in worriedly.

I bite my lip to keep myself from telling her to fuck off.

All I want is to talk to Michael, but I can’t use my cell phone in this room and he wouldn’t be able to answer regardless.

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“You’re at six inches, Rachel,” the doctor informs me.

I gasp as I have another painful contraction.

“I w-want Michael,” I sob, wiping my eyes. “When will he be h-here?”

“He’s coming as soon as he can, Rae,” Suzie assures me, but then eyes her cell phone discreetly.

“I need him now,” I insist stubbornly, turning away from her and hugging my pillow as tears continuously stream down my cheeks.

About now, all I want to do is sleep, but the baby is constantly reminding me of its presence with every jerking contraction, so all I can do is wait for Michael to come.

“Rae, I just want you to know, if Michael doesn’t make it in time,” she begins hesitantly. “I’m here for you, okay?” she asks. I barely nod tearfully.

I'm too scared to say or do much else.