Do You Think You're Up For This?

"I'm ready here. I'm waiting for you to take me from this place, and make it all okay, because you're you." - Ace Enders

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Michael

I pull out my phone to call Rae as soon as we’re off stage, noticing a magnitude of missed calls, texts, and voicemails from Suzie.

I call her straight away without looking at them; this can’t a good sign. It rings about five times before she picks up, and my heart starts to pound uncontrollably. Something must be wrong with Rae. Or the baby. I try not to focus on those possibilities and wait for her to say something.

“Thank God,” she says as soon as I hear the click of her answering me. I open my mouth to ask, but she begins rambling without pause for breath or room for any sort of interruption. “Michael, we’re at the hospital, Rae’s water broke, she’s in labor, and I don’t know what to do, the doctor said-”

“She’s-she’s…what?” I stammer into the phone. “Shit.”

“Please come soon, she’s freaking out. I can’t do this. You need to be here. I can't-” With Suzie’s tone of voice, I figure Rae’s not the only one freaking out.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I reply, trying to remain calm for her sake. “Can I talk to her?”

“They won’t let me bring my phone in there,” she explains anxiously. I sigh.

“Tell her I’m on my way. I’ll call you as soon as I’m in the city. Stay with her,” I say, and she hangs up.

I take a few seconds to try and calm down and figure out what to do.

The baby is coming.

“Chiz, did you get-” William bursts into the dressing room, holding his phone up.

“I just talked to Suzie,” I interrupt nervously. “What do I do?”

“Let’s get to the airport,” he immediately says, pulling me off the couch and out of my shock. “The guys will take care of everything else,” he assures me. “We just have to get you to the hospital in time.”

I wordlessly nod my agreement, although I’m not exactly sure how much time we have.

Bill and I hurry to the airport, immediately trading in our morning flight tickets for the next flight to Chicago.

Thankfully, we’re only in Minneapolis, so the flight shouldn’t take long at all.

I fidget throughout the entire flight, torn between nervous anxiety and jittery excitement.

William laughs and tells me to relax, but how am I supposed to do that?

I’m going to be a dad.

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Suzie

I’m never having children.

I don’t care what Mike says or thinks is going to happen.

If he thinks I’m ever going to let myself get huge for nine months and then freak the fuck out while I wait for him in a hospital to push out a mini-Carden, then he’s crazy. Delusional.

It’s not worth it.

Rae and Michael can change as many diapers as they want, but as for me, no thanks.

Sure, I’m excited for them, but this baby thing isn’t for me. I’ll babysit for them, I’ll play with it, maybe change a diaper or two or learn how to prepare a bottle, but I can’t commit fulltime.

I have no idea how to comfort Rae, because the truth is, she’s doing a hundred times better than I would in this situation.

I don’t know how she does it.

She’s calmed down slightly, probably because of the epidural they finally gave her.

Personally, I’d want to be knocked out cold before it tried to come out of me.

“Suzie,” she says suddenly. Her hair is damp with sweat and her green eyes are filled with worry, watery as she tries not to cry. “I don’t think he’s going to make it.”

“You don’t know that, Rae-”

“I need you here with me if he doesn’t get here in time,” she continues. She closes her eyes, bracing herself for another contraction.

The last thing I want right now is to be in the room when this mess is happening.

But I’m her best friend, and I said I’d be here to help.

“I’ll be here,” I promise.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Suzie!” Rae calls out, her voice wavering and strained as I re-enter the room from a bathroom break.

She reaches out to grab my hand as soon as I’m in touching distance, immediately squeezing it.

She looks like she wants to murder the nurse that keeps telling her to push and breathe.

I urge her on and encourage her with whatever nonsense comes to mind as a distraction.

“Almost, Rae, come on…” I ramble like I've been doing for the past few hours, but I’m interrupted by her loudest groan yet.

She’s squeezing my hand so hard her fingers are white, but then they suddenly go limp against mine after what feels like hours of waiting. My fingers feel as if they’ve lost circulation, and I might never get back full feeling in my strumming hand, but at least Rae’s stopped yelling in pain.

“Congratulations, it’s a healthy boy,” Rae’s doctor announces, before being interrupted by the high-pitched cry of the baby.

I have to turn away so I won’t gag as they cut the umbilical cord.

They hand this crying, bloody purple mess to her, and for some reason, she’s smiling through her tears like she just won the lottery.

…it must be the drugs.

“It’s a boy, Rae,” I repeat, smiling at her even though I’m mostly grossed out, not to mention nauseous. She smiles faintly back, face red and hot with sweat. She tries to catch her breath, but it doesn’t help that she’s started crying again.

“I want you to be godmother,” is the first thing to come out of her mouth, once she catches her breath and lets the nurses take him away to be cleaned (to my immense relief).

“M-me?” I ask unsurely. Surely she could have picked someone better. Like the annoying nurse, even.

Or maybe Jude…

Like anyone besides me.

She laughs.

“Who else am I going to choose? You’re my best friend, Suze.” Her face lights up again when they bring him back. “He’s perfect,” she breathes, beaming. He’s finally quiet, and they’ve brought her a bottle to feed him.

Okay, I admit…the kid is pretty cute when he's clean.

“Do you want to hold him?” she asks, when he’s done eating.

“Um…” I trail off uncertainly, even though he looks perfectly sanitary now, wrapped in a blanket and tiny matching blue hat.

“You’re his godmother,” she reminds me, handing him over anyway.

“Um…” I begin hesitantly, as she places him in my hands.

Looking down at this little mixture of Michael and Rae, and how happy it’s going to make them for whatever reason, I’m thinking maybe a baby isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Or at least not the worst thing.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Michael

I rush into the maternity ward at the hospital with Bill on my heels, feeling like I’m in a television sitcom as we scramble to find the way to the delivery room on time.

We eventually find it thanks to William asking a nurse, and he settles into a seat as I approach who I recognize as Rae’s doctor.

“She’s been waiting for you,” he smiles, before I can ask anything. “You’re just in time.”

“Good luck,” Bill calls after me, but all I can do is give him a nervous smile as I quickly follow the doctor. He leads me to a room, but gives me no details. I push the door open, seeing Rae in the bed. She glances up in surprise when she sees me and her face breaks into a smile. Suzie gets up from the chair next to her, also smiling as she walks past me.

“I’m so sorry, Rae,” I apologize, dropping into the seat next to her as soon as Suzie leaves. “I shouldn’t have gone, I wish-”

“It’s fine,” she replies, touching my face, running her fingers down my jaw line. “I told you to go.” She looks exhausted.

“Am I too late?” I’m almost afraid to ask.

“Just in time,” she answers, nodding towards the door.

A nurse walks in, handing Rachel a small bundle wrapped in blue.

“It’s a boy,” she grins at me, and my heart stops, along with the air supply to my lungs.

She places him in my arms, but I don’t know what to say, and there are no words to describe how I’m feeling as I look down at our son in my arms.

This little person that needs me.

It’s surreal.

“I was too late,” I realize, lifting my eyes to meet hers. “I’m sorry, I can’t believe-” I say again, my guilt multiplying by the second.

“Don’t apologize for trying,” she tells me, resting a hand on my leg reassuringly. “Suzie was here. I was sweating and bloody and gross. Be glad you didn’t see that,” she jokes.

“Are you okay?” I ask her. She nods, looking relieved but exhausted. “Elliott?” I ask, looking at her for confirmation. It was the name we’d only just recently decided on.

“Elliott Michael,” she corrects breathlessly. She shuts her tired green eyes for a few seconds, but then smiles and opens them again. She reaches out her hands to take him back from me.

“Can I get you anything?” I ask, tucking her hair behind her ear and resting my hand on her cheek.

“No. I’m fine, just stay here with us,” she sighs, arms around our sleeping Elliott.

Us.

The word takes on a whole different meaning now.