Do You Think You're Up For This?

“We're too young, I hate to love you. The night's gone and you're gone too. But you can't be missed if you never go away.” – Cobra Starship

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“I broke up with Mike,” Suzie abruptly announces from the kitchen sink. She’s offered to wash the dishes meanwhile I feed Elliott.

“You what?!” I demand, putting the bottle aside to burp him.

“Relax, Rae,” she says, looking at me as if I’m crazy. “Not everything can work out perfectly like with you and Michael, okay?”

“Well…what happened? I thought you were happy with Mike?” I ask, but she just shrugs, shutting the water off.

“I was. We just wanted different things. It’s no big deal, Rae.” She dries her hands off, taking the seat across from me. “I want to move back to L.A.” she adds, picking at her fingernails.

“Is that why you broke up with him?” I ask. “That’s the stupidest-”

“No, Rae, just…God! Nothing, alright? Don’t be so nosy!” she scowls. “I just…I want to go back home.” For a few seconds, she looks as if she wants to tear up, but then it’s gone before I can tell if it was actually there.

“Suzie, I thought you and Mike were doing great. It wouldn’t kill you to keep a serious relationship for once in your life. Don’t you think you need to settle down sometime?”

For some reason, even though I’m in the middle of my own minor meltdown, I still feel the need to try to make things right with Suzie and Mike.

“No, Rae, that’s what you need. Fuck, Rae. That’s what you have.”

“But, I mean…” I begin hesitantly, and I know she understands what I’m getting at.

We were no exception from what every rising band goes through. Hell, some people still thought Pete and FBR only signed us because I’m related to William. In reality, Pete had approached us after seeing a few shows we had opened for The Academy Is… on a tour with them, not knowing that William and I are related, but we’d been signed to a smaller label at the time.

In Suzie’s case, rumors and gossip had died down after a few months of her being with Mike, but she had taken a few unfortunate hits before then, around the time our second album had been released. A picture on the internet here of her sitting on Alex’s lap at Angels & Kings New York. A picture there of her dancing maybe a little too closely to Gabe that same night. Another of Brendon giving her a piggy-back ride on our UK tour with Panic! two years ago.

For a period of time back there, Suzie had been the F.B.R. slut, courtesy of jealous girls and others who took it upon themselves to spread nasty rumors about her for whatever reason.

Luckily, our label-mates were very supportive in helping put down the rumors. It had been a rough time for her, and having a steady relationship with Mike was good for her after that.

I just don’t want her to have to go through that all over again.

“Where are you going?” I ask, as she suddenly stands up again.

“I’m staying at Sisky’s right now. My flight home is tomorrow morning, and I’m moving in with Seb until I get my own place. I have to go pick up the rest of my things before Mike gets back. I broke up with him, remember?” she reminds me dully. I sigh again, not satisfied with the scant answers she’s given me.

“Suze-”

“He wanted to be more serious. He wanted- he wanted to marry me, Rae! I don’t want to get married soon, I don’t even know if I want kids. I’m not ready to be that serious, Rae. I’m not ready to have what you and Michael have.”

It’s quiet until the silence is broken by Elliott’s loud burp.

“Well, at least you didn’t let it go too far,” I offer. She shrugs. “I just want you to be happy, Suze.”

“I’ll be fine,” she says. I nod encouragingly. She’ll bounce back. She always does.

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I come home to a worried Rae after having returned from a walk around the neighborhood with Elliott.

“Michael, I think you need to talk to Mike. Bill and Sisky haven’t heard from him in a few days. They think someone should go and check on him. We’re worried.”

“What’s happened?” I ask, although part of me already knows. Elliott tugs on my hair and drools on my shirt shoulder as if trying to claim back my attention.

“Suzie…broke up with him after he proposed,” she says, biting her lip nervously. “We haven’t heard from him since she left town the other day.”

I take this all in shock; I hadn’t realized Mike was that serious about proposing, and I definitely didn’t expect him to do it so soon.

“I should talk to him,” I agree, handing over Elliott to Rae.

“Good luck,” she says, pecking my lips. “I’ll tell Bill you’re on your way.” I kiss Elliott goodbye and then Rae once more before heading out.

I have to knock on the door more than once before Mike appears in the doorway and steps aside to let me in, eyes bloodshot and clothes wrinkled and most likely dirty.

“I’m such a fucking idiot, Chiz. I should’ve known she didn’t want me. I should have-”

“That’s not it at all Mike,” I interrupt, as we sit on his couch. “You know Suzie. Maybe she just needed more time. Maybe you rushed things.”

“Why did she leave? She said she loved me. I don’t…” he trails off and doesn’t bother to finish, instead rubs his face with his hands tiredly.

“It’s not your fault, Mike,” I offer.

He shrugs.

“You should give it some time,” I advise. “It will work out if it’s meant to. You know Suzie. You just need to give her some space.”

“Do you think halfway across the country is enough fucking space?” he asks, letting out a single bitter laugh.

I don’t know what to say to that.