You're My Favourite Sound

It had been two days and I hadn't heard a word from neither Joshi nor Hazel. I hoped that they were just patching things up and everything would go back to normal.

But when does that ever happen?

Mom made everyone promise we wouldn't throw a party for her fortieth, she couldn't emphasise enough that she didn't want anything big. So I decided I'd take her out and treat her to a meal to celebrate her birthday, just her and me, mother and daughter.

For a Sunday evening, the streets of Los Angeles were relatively quiet. Mom and I, a little dressed up and both wearing Doctor Martens, walked arm in arm down the street, eyeing different resturaunts before finally deciding on a cute little Italian one down at the end of the road. In all actuality, we didn't really decide on it, it was our only option... Well, other than turning around. This was how most decisions between the two of us were made.

"You know what I haven't had in a while?" mom announced after studying the menu, "Pizza. I've been very cautious about what I eat lately, you know, carbs and that. But I dunno, I think I want pizza."

"Fuck it," I said, shutting the menu and putting it to the side, "You just wanna order the biggest one they have and put everything on it?"

Mom grinned, "Why not? It is my birthday, after all."

By the time we'd finished ordering what we wanted, the waiter looked a little overwhelmed, but the two of us just laughed, agreeing that if we had anything left over mom would take it back to dad and Joey. We even ordered some margeritas to go with it, and once we'd reached half of the way through the huge pizza, the pair of us were a little tipsy. Good thing we got a cab up.

A couple of girls who had been sitting a few tables away, flipping through their Cosmo magazines, were now frantically whispering and eyeing us. I took notice of this but chose to ignore it. My mother's immense popularity was just another one of those things I was used to.

Just as our plates were taken away, the Cosmo girls finally made their way over to our table.

Mom was reading over the drinks menu when she felt a new presence surrounding herself and me. Without moving her head, her eyes wandered up to meet the beaming faces of the Orange County-styled teens.

"Are you Billie Joe Armstrong's wife?" a freshly bleached blonde asked nervously, and then turned her head to me, "And you their daughter?"

"Depends," I replied, "How long are you planning on nosing in our evening for?"

The two younger girls just stared at me blankly, before the first one mumbled, "We just wanted to say 'hi'..."

"Oh, that's not too bad. Then yes, yes we are." The girls squealed, causing me to wince and mom to snigger.

"I think I need another drink," she said.

"Excuse me," I called to the waiter as he passed us, "Could we get another margarita for the birthday girl, please?"

"Of course, ma'am," he smiled, before walking away.

"Is it your birthday?" the second teen gasped to the beauty that was Adrienne Armstrong.

"Unfortunately," she shrugged.

"Happy Birthday!" they cried in unison.

"Thank you," she chuckled, sipping the last of her alcoholic beverage, most probably wishing they would go away so she could at least enjoy the rest of it, but she was always too nice to say anything.

A lock of hair fell out of my ponytail and I tucked it behind my ear with my left hand, causing my ring to glisten under the dim light. The girls must have noticed because they both gasped.

"Are you engaged?" the first asked.

"Oh, um, yeah," I said blankly.

"Aww, you and Frank are going to be so happy together, I know it," she smiled in awe. I blinked.

"Frank?" I stuttered. "Me and Frank?"

"Iero," the second nodded. "We saw you two making out in a car the other day. That is who you're marrying, right?"

"I..." I was lost for words, but managed to force fake laughter. "You must be mistaken, my fiance's name is Ethan."

"Oh," the second replied quietly. "Sorry, but we were sure it was you."

I shook my head, feeling a little flushed. "Um, we've got drinks coming and I think you've said a bit more than 'hi'..."

"Oh, sure," the first said, getting the message. "Thanks for talking with us."

"It was nice to meet you," the second smiled.

"You, too," mom smiled back, and the two girls finally went away.

By this time, my face was hot and I could feel sweat forming under my armpits. I kept my eyes down and gulped down the last of my drink, all the while I could feel my mother's eyes burning into me.

"You don't have to hide it from me, October," she said suddenly. "I know."

Two words, that's all it can take to break someone down. She never broke face, but she reeked of nerves since the words escaped her light plump lips. Thoughts and questions poured into my head.

What does she exactly mean when she says 'I know'? Can't that mean a lot of things? It can't mean she knows what I'm hoping she doesn't... can it?

"You know?" I tried to inquire innocently, "You know what, mom?" Her face dropped and then the waiter came over with her margaritta.

"Here you are, ma'am," he said cheerfully, placing the glass on the table and taking away our empty ones. Once he'd gone again, mom looked back at me.

"I overheard you, Alex and My Chem talking at the Grammys," she said, "In the green room at the back, so don't start denying all this shit, okay?"

I didn't know what to exactly feel. Two feelings were fighting themselves, well actually three. Shocked, nervous, and furious. Shocked that my mother knew, nervous because one more person discovered my secret, and furious because mom hadn't told me that she knew sooner.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I hissed.

"Because I wanted to wait for you to sort it out on your own, which you obviously haven't done yet, seeing as you were caught in action the other day," she added, nodding her head over to the Cosmo girls.

I put my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. "Fuck," I sighed.

"Look, let's not do this here," said mom, picking up her drink.

After she gulped it down, we asked for the check and I paid in cash to make a quicker get away. We walked down the road until we came to a cemetery, and began strolling through it in the setting sun.

"God knows how you've managed to keep this from Ethan for three months," continued mom. "I mean, what the hell's been going through your head, October? Having an affair? That's just so not like you."

"I know, I know," I whined into one hand quietly, before removing it again and fiddling with my fingers. "I just... Frank's different. He makes me feel different." My mother already knew that, she'd known how Frank had made me feel when I was in high school.

"And Ethan? Do you not love him anymore?"

"Yes, I do!" I persisted. "I do love him. I love them both, if that's even possible."

"Who do you love more?" mom asked from beside me softly, looking sideways to search my eyes for answers, "Who makes more sense?"

I didn't know what to say. That question had been racing around my mind for the past few days and I still hadn't come up with an answer.

"Look," said mom gently as we stopped at a gravestone, "Just tell me you'll do what you have to do before the wedding, okay? You can't marry Ethan if you're going to be fucking him over with his cousin, can you? Just please, promise me you'll deal with it."

I nodded, sighing again. "I will," I sniffled. "God, I'm so glad it's you that found out and not dad. He'd freak."

"Hey, you gotta give him credit, he took another liking to Frank after he saved your life and all."

"But, mom, everyone's put so much into this wedding," I whimpered, "You and dad have spent so much, how can you not be mad at me?"

I slowly let my mother's face come into view as I looked back up at her. She raised her hand and brought it up to my face, moving it towards my cheek and brushing away the warm drops of water that had been rolling down it.

"Come on, stop the tears," she whispered, and nodded her head to the grave stood next to us, "What d'you think Aidan would say if he saw you like this?" I turned my head to the headstone that read 'Aidan Freeman' and chuckled lightly.

"He would have kicked both of their asses by now."

"What is it that he used to say?" mom wondered, frowning in thought.

"'Anyone who forms those little tears on my girls' face gets a wicked ass-kicking'," I smirked.

"That's right," mom nodded with a giggle.

We both stared at the stone for a short while. It wasn't completly dark yet, but the street lamps were on. I could hear the wind every now and then, and felt it across my skin, but couldn't feel it. I was numb. Gradually, I broke the comfortable silence.

"Don't you just want to judge me a little bit?"

Mom winked at me and replied, "That's not my style, honey."