‹ Prequel: All Alone.
Just a Little Late.
.oo1
beep. beep. A whooshing sound fills the room every time the machine breathes for you. beep. beep. whoosh.
These are the only sounds that have mattered for days.
I keep remembering those days, years ago. Remember when I used to work at that little diner on the corner of First and Amastadt? You would come in when I was working late. I can still remember how your eyes would light up when I came over. And sometime between midnight and six in the morning, I fell in love with you. Over thousands of cups of bad coffee, I knew you. I knew your dreams, and none of them included this hospital bed.
These doctors say you won't pull out of it, that your body can't take the strain required to regain consciousness, even with the machines. They say we're just waiting at this point.
I regret never calling you once I left. I'd thought you couldn't possibly feel the same way. That you couldn't love me back.
In my dreams, you're there. In my nightmares you're dead. Just standing there, staring at me with eyeless sockets. Their empty darkness asks all the questions I can't answer.
'Where were you when everything started falling apart?'They scream. 'All I needed was your call, but it never came. They found me on the floor, and where were you?'
'I'm here. I'm here now' I try to say. I try to scream it, to apologize for leaving, but I can't speak. My lips won't move.
I wake up in tears every time. I don't sleep anymore.
You once told me I was the closest thing you've had to family in a long time. You said I was the only one who really knew who you were. You trusted me and I failed you, I'm sorry. I've never been more sorry about anything. I was never a good friend to you. You've always deserved someone so much better.
This morning your heart got slower, more ragged. The doctors said you'll probably be gone tonight. Is it selfish that I want to keep you alive so I don't have to miss you? That I want you alive just for me?
beep. bee-ep. I hold my breath as you take yours. beep. be-ep. I take your hand.
"I love you." I whisper, "I'm sorry."
bee-eep. I kiss your cheek. beee-p. beeeeeep. I know this next one isn't going to end.
I just wish I could see you eyes on last time.
Your eyelids flutter, as if in response to my wishful thought. Your heart is still going, somehow. You fight your eyelids up and look at me with those grey-green eyes. You smile,
"I love you, too." You say soundlessly.
The green line is still cutting the jagged path across the monitor as you close your eyes for the last time.
bee-eep. bee-eeep. Time seems slower in the last minutes of your life. beee-ep. beeeee-. I hold my breath and hope. It doesn't work this time. I slowly leave the hospital as doctors and nurses rush in.
As I step outside, even the sun seems lackluster without you.
These are the only sounds that have mattered for days.
I keep remembering those days, years ago. Remember when I used to work at that little diner on the corner of First and Amastadt? You would come in when I was working late. I can still remember how your eyes would light up when I came over. And sometime between midnight and six in the morning, I fell in love with you. Over thousands of cups of bad coffee, I knew you. I knew your dreams, and none of them included this hospital bed.
These doctors say you won't pull out of it, that your body can't take the strain required to regain consciousness, even with the machines. They say we're just waiting at this point.
I regret never calling you once I left. I'd thought you couldn't possibly feel the same way. That you couldn't love me back.
In my dreams, you're there. In my nightmares you're dead. Just standing there, staring at me with eyeless sockets. Their empty darkness asks all the questions I can't answer.
'Where were you when everything started falling apart?'They scream. 'All I needed was your call, but it never came. They found me on the floor, and where were you?'
'I'm here. I'm here now' I try to say. I try to scream it, to apologize for leaving, but I can't speak. My lips won't move.
I wake up in tears every time. I don't sleep anymore.
You once told me I was the closest thing you've had to family in a long time. You said I was the only one who really knew who you were. You trusted me and I failed you, I'm sorry. I've never been more sorry about anything. I was never a good friend to you. You've always deserved someone so much better.
This morning your heart got slower, more ragged. The doctors said you'll probably be gone tonight. Is it selfish that I want to keep you alive so I don't have to miss you? That I want you alive just for me?
beep. bee-ep. I hold my breath as you take yours. beep. be-ep. I take your hand.
"I love you." I whisper, "I'm sorry."
bee-eep. I kiss your cheek. beee-p. beeeeeep. I know this next one isn't going to end.
I just wish I could see you eyes on last time.
Your eyelids flutter, as if in response to my wishful thought. Your heart is still going, somehow. You fight your eyelids up and look at me with those grey-green eyes. You smile,
"I love you, too." You say soundlessly.
The green line is still cutting the jagged path across the monitor as you close your eyes for the last time.
bee-eep. bee-eeep. Time seems slower in the last minutes of your life. beee-ep. beeeee-. I hold my breath and hope. It doesn't work this time. I slowly leave the hospital as doctors and nurses rush in.
As I step outside, even the sun seems lackluster without you.