If I Never Hold You

If I Never Hold You Ch. 17- Jealousy

That next morning, I was in a daze. Took a shower, got dressed, ready, ate. And left for jazz band. In a daze. Not really seeing anything. It was as if I was watching everything from a movie. No worries. Silence on my end.

All but the thoughts.

Did he use me?

Was I wrong?

Is he gonna tell anyone?

Was that wrong?

Why did I do that?

Does he love me?

…Do I love him?...

That was just some of it…

“Mel. Snap out of it.” Shively called to me.

“Huh? Oh, sorry sir.” I felt Matt’s eyes on me from behind the keyboard but ignored it.

“Sorry? You missed your solo, missed me talking to you. Some entrances.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Just… relax. There’s something on your mind I can see that. Just spend the next 5 minutes of class in saxophone mode. Please?”

“Yes sir.” I repeated, shaking it off a bit and focusing on the music.

The last thought that crossed my mind was ‘Don’t tell anyone. Wouldn’t want it going around the school. Britney would ruin me. Even more.’ Then, I focused. Five minutes wasn’t that long and I soon found myself out of there, and walking with the 5 boys and Danny down the hall. When first bell rang, I went to class.

I sat there, listening to my crack headed teacher droning on about something she hardly understood. Geometry. Good thing she’s a geometry teach, right? It was wonderful. No wonder more than half the class is failing. I’m serious. About all of it.

I ignored the looks my friends were giving me. Johnny was talking calmly to the kid next to him.

I spaced out through that class and soon I was unemotionally walking down the hall to my next class. That period lasted what seemed like seconds. When I realized where I was, I found myself in the locker room, changing into my gym uniform next to Ali and Crystal.

“You alright, hun?” Ali questioned as I slid my shirt on.

“Yeah.” I mumbled, locking my locker and walking out the door and into the gym. Instantly, matt came over. He pulled me over to him, pushing me against the wall, arms on either side of my neck.

“Mel. Talk.” He stated. The look in his eyes told me he was concerned. I sighed, defeated. I knew I should tell him. I knew he cared…

“Ok.” I nodded. The position we were in made me blush. I felt his eyes go from my lips to my eyes and suddenly felt my face flush.

“Ok.” coach blew his whistle. “We’re playing basketball today.”

We all got a ball and the group of our friends invited us to play random games with them.

“No thanks. We need to talk.” Matt informed them, taking my arm in his big hand and pulling me to the complete opposite side of the gym. I saw the look Johnny shot Matt. A look Matt hadn’t noticed. A look that was filled with jealousy and worry. “What happened?” Matt demanded. I gulped, shooting the ball in the hoop. Nothing but net.

“Well…I’m just gonna come out and say it… Johnny and I fucked last night.”

“What!? I knew I shouldn’t have let him walk you home!” he growled. He threw the ball in the net angrily, with all his force. His eyes landed on me again. “You’re not okay.”

“Far from it.” I mumbled. He came closer.

“Talk to me.” He glided his hand down my arm but I was jerked backwards. Glancing back, I found the man who held me. Johnny. Matt glared.

“Lemme play you a round!” Johnny offered. I knew he was angry. Did he know that I was telling Matt?

“I’m in too.” Matt said through clenched teeth.

So, we played ‘around the world’, a game I was fairly good at. I beat Johnny but not Matt. When the class went to change in the locker rooms, Matt seemed angry that we didn’t talk.

The rest of the day was slow as hell. When lunch rolled around, I just wanted to cry. I wasn’t in it at all. And now, I was sitting next to Danny who wouldn’t stop bugging me with the same question he’d asked all day; “What’s wrong?”

I felt the tears welling up as I saw Johnny and Britney making out. All day I’d been hoping that he left her. To be with me. But unfortunately not.

I snapped, standing up and making my way out of the lunch room and to the hall. I leaned against the wall, slowly falling against it to the floor, resting my head on my knees. And as the tears were about to fall, a hand pressed against my shoulder. Gazing up slightly, I saw Matt kneeling down.

“What has he done to you?” he whispered to himself. “Come on. Let’s get you outa here.”

“What? Where?”

“I dunno.” He helped me up and we raced through the halls and out the front doors of the school.

He unlocked his car doors and we climbed in. As he started the engine, I texted Ali, Danny, and crystal the same message: “Having issues. Matt and I left. Drivin somewhere. Be home when I am. Love you all.”

We pulled out of the school lot.

Johnny’s POV

I noticed Ali, Crystal and Danny all pull their cells out. They all read something on the screens.

“Well, Matt and Mel are gone.” Danny laughed.

“Yeah.” Ali and Crystal agreed.

“What? Where to?” I asked.

“Dunno. But, has anyone noticed Mel was acting strange today?” Danny questioned.

“That girl’s middle name is strange.” Brit commented, eyeing her nails which she happened to be filing. “So, who really cares about that bitch anyway?”

We all glanced at her and said, “We do.”

“Hope everything’s fine.” Val mumbled. “But Matt and her are good friends.”

“And I’m sure everything will work out.” Leana added.

Matt always knows how to cheer her up.” Zacky sighed.

Matt, you son of a bitch. Where the fuck did you take her?