If I Never Hold You

If I Never Hold You Ch. 21- Gone Too Far

I kicked a rock, trying to calm myself on this walk. We’d decided to go into the park. A quiet place that I could calm myself. My friends didn’t tell Matt about Crystal. We’d all keep it between ourselves; like we did every time it happened. To any of us for that matter.

“Me;, you calmed down?” Danny questioned.

“No. Did you fucking see what happened!? I mean, hell, those things were just words and sure, we ignored them for the most part but everyone here knows that they get stuck in our minds. Things that people call you over the years stick with you. You may not admit it but in your subconscious, they’re there. Like people calling me a whore, slit, bitch, emo, cunt; the list goes on and on. And look what it did to me.”

“What?” Matt almost whispered.

“I’m not afraid to admit it now. I mean, hell, probably everyone in the school knows thanks to one of my old friends. I cut.” I stated.

“Really?” Matt asked, shocked.

“We all have.” Crystal said with a courage I’ve never seen in her.

“What’s why everyone calls our little group emo.”

“Some of us have too I mean, you get curious if it helps…” Matt mumbled.

“Don’t be ashamed. I tell everyone this. Why should you be? It’s like having regrets. No point. You can’t go back and change it so why bother dwelling on it?” I said.

Before anyone could respond to my rant, a voice cut through the stillness of the park. No one was around before. But now…

“Well, there’s the bitch!” Britney’s voice pelted through us. We gazed over slowly at her. She stood still with her 2 girls and 2 guys; her groupies. The girls were all on the cheerleading squad with her and the 2 boys I recognized were on the football team.

“Oh, it’s you.” I grimaced.

“Oh, I’m surprised the little nerd’s out of the house.” She commented, making her group laugh and Crystal look at the ground; averting her attention. Or, at least, trying to. Once she saw how Crystal reacted, Brit continued. “I’m surprised she’s not sitting in her room, reading and cutting herself.” Their laughter continued.

“Shut the fuck up!!” I snapped. I felt Danny and Matt tense beside me. “You have no issued with her. Or these guys. Leave them alone.”

“Oh, I have issues with anyone you associate yourself with.”

“Oh, really?” I laughed. “That would mean Johnny too then.”

She thought for a minute then clicked her tongue. “Ugh, shut up! But he’s mine. You see, every day he’s making more and more progress. Slowly being brainwashed. Have you noticed? I’m changing him. Gonna make him better.”

“Relationships aren’t about changing people! They’re about spending time with them, loving and caring for them! Not making them be what you want them to be. If you have to change someone, you don’t really love them.” I said through clenched teeth.

“And who’s to say I really love him?” she giggled innocently.

That hit me hard. “You’re just using him! I thought so but I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. That was wrong to. You’re just using him to get to me, aren’t you?”

“That’s silly.” She giggled then drew closer to me. “How’d you come up with that?” she growled deeply. “Oh, no matter. You tell him, he won’t believe you. He’s built up so much trust with me. You’ll just end up in a fight with him if you tell. He won’t believe you.” she stepped back a bit as I dug my nails into my palms. “In fact, we’re so close that I’m gonna take it to the next level soon. He told me a week ago that he’s a virgin.” I gasped at her words. Not anymore…but she doesn’t know that… “So, I’m gonna de-virginize him.” She giggled.

“No.” I growled, faking. Sure, I didn’t want her to know that we had sex, but I also didn’t want her touching him like that.

“Then I’ll leave. Break his little heart to know after all this, I just wanted the sex. He’ll slowly disown all his friends and life to know that the girl who took his virginity just wanted the sex.”

“Like you did with your other boyfriends.” I stated.

“Yep. Pretty much.” She shrugged.

I remember a few months ago, there was a death in our school. Pete. Britney went out with him for 7 months. Claimed she loved him. He was head over heels for her. Then, after she’d fucked him and the whole school found out, she broke up with him. Claimed she was ‘bored’. All of her past boyfriends were continuously warning Pete throughout his relationship with Britney. They told him that she’d fuck him and leave but Pete said they were liars and that she really loved him. A few days later, Pete hung himself. He had everything. A scholarship to a great college, and was captain of the basketball team. She’s done this to every boyfriend she’s had. And no matter if they were jocks, nerds, emos, goths, preps… they always succumbed the same way. Pete was just the first to kill himself.

Most likely not the last.

I feared for Johnny, not knowing how he’d take it…

“You cunt!” I screamed, anger rising. She laughed again but that laughter was cut short as I lunged at her. My fists collided with her makeup covered cheekbone. She screeched as I pulled back, sending another hit to her jaw. Her words repeated in my head as I continued to beat her but she lashed back, stepping away from my grip on her.

“Is that the way you wanna play?” she asked. My grin spread across my lips as she balled up her fists and swung. I ducked, grabbing her arm and in turn, sending her and uppercut to her jaw. “That’s not fair!” she whined.

“What?”

“I can’t hit you.” I laughed at her pathetic-ness.

“Fine.” I let her go and I stood there. “Give me your best shot.” She was taken aback for a second but swung, this time, I felt it. Her tiny fists colliding with my cheekbone. I watched her eyes light up and spotted 3 bruises on her face alone. I could feel that my cheek would have a bruise; if it hadn’t already. That hit was just a way to get my anger up even more.

I snapped out of it, now pushing her to the ground and pummeling her. For years she’s treated me like shit. Years she’s hurt my friends. And all this time I’ve been waiting for the day that I could do this. This bitch has tortured us for too long. Now she pays the price.

I felt hands pull me backwards but instantly they were gone. Glancing back, I found both football players, who had obviously attempted to get me off Brit, were not staring at Danny and Matt.

“You’re not gonna interfere.” Danny sneered. He was glaring at one gut while Matt had the other.

Danny’s POV

“Don’t mind us, Mel. We got your back.” Matt called. As soon as he said that, she went back to Britney.

“Oh, the emo losers.” The one I would take stated.

“You shut your damn trap!” I hit his nose swiftly. He fell back a bit. “Ok boys.” I began cockily in a joking manner, trying to make this more fun for myself. “Let’s set down some ground rules here.”

“Yeah.” Matt agreed, hitting the other. “No blades.” Another punch.

“No ball shots.” I kicked the guy in the shin.

He hit me quickly in the arm, a bruise appearing a short time later. I saw Matt was soon hit by his mouth, blood soon dripping from the new wound.

The guy pulled out a blade on Matt as he was catching his breath for a quick second. I jumped in between the two, holding onto the guys arm as he raised it, about to cut Matt. Quickly disarming him, I pocketed the knife.

Mel’s POV

Deciding this was too easy, I stood, allowing Brit bitch to stand as well. When she did, she brushed herself off. “Are we done? ‘Cause that really hurt!”

“Just getting started.” I laughed.

I must admit, I was genuinely shocked when she came at me, claws out. I dodged as much as I could but her fist hit my shoulder. A loud pop heard. I held in my scream, not wanting to give her the satisfaction. My left shoulder was now dislocated. Fuck.

She punched me again as I turned, the ring she wore cut open the side of my mouth and I could feel the blood seep out of it slowly. It stung and I soon recovered from the hit, tasting the blood that entered my mouth.

I found Danny had ended up winning his little fight and Matt soon followed suit. Both football players were on the ground as my boys made their way over to Ali and Crystal who had been watching all three fights. Now down to me and Brit.

“I bet that hurt!” she kissed her ring, puny fists held in a defensive position as she jumped around as if she were a boxer.

Without another word spoken, I kicked her shin, sending her a right hook to the neck. She attempted to dodge but failed horribly.

“After this, I’m gonna go tell Jonathan how you viciously attacked me.” She squeaked.

I sent her a quick left hook to the gut, instantly regretting it. The pain in my shoulder throbbed and as I glanced at it to find it, too, was bruised, she pulled my hair.

“Chick fight!” Danny called as I felt on top of Brit.

“Woo!!” Matt exclaimed.

We were now slapping each other, pulling one another’s hair, screeching loudly, and clawing at each other with our long nails. I felt part of my skin stinging from her talon-like nails, impaling me.

Finally I punched her in the nose and stood. She lie there, defeated as I made my way over to my friends who instantly came over to me.

“That was awesome, Mel!” Crystal laughed.

“Thanks.” I smiled, feeling blood leaking from my wounds. “How bad do I look?”

“You’re still hot. Just looks like ya got attacked by a cat.” Ali commented, eyeing the cuts and scratches all over me.

“But the bruised shoulder and cheek. And the gouge by your lip…not really lookin like a cat there.” Matt laughed.

“Ley’s go home.” Danny suggested.

“No. My parents are home. Brian’s aren’t. Let me clean up at Brian’s then I’ll go home.” I sighed as we all exited the park.

That went smoothly…