If I Never Hold You

Johnny’s POV

Last night I watched them making out. Last night I wanted to hit him. Last night I couldn’t get the image out of my head.

Today I went through the school day. Today I didn’t talk. Today…the image was still in my head.

Now I’m at Britney’s house. We’re getting closer. I wanted to escape my thoughts. I wanted a release from this broken image.

Then she kissed me; something surprising but still nice. Her lips were small compared to Melanie’s.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me upstairs. Her hands weren’t as soft as Mel’s either.

She pushed me on her bed, trailing kisses down my stomach as she tossed off my shirt. My hands rest on her hips; not as developed as Mel’s…

Her moans were needing and deep. She took her own shirt off, mumbling something about how I hadn’t done it yet. Her bra was boring; grey. Mel’s had been neon blue. So bright…like her personality.

Her fake nails dug into my skin, not feeling as good as Mel’s had.

Britney’s breasts were a bit bigger than Mel’s. Size never really mattered to me. And fake boobs freaked me out.

She went back to kissing my lips, her itchy little hands growing closer to my jeans. I had been hard though, thinking about Mel’s body…

Fuck, why am I comparing them? Was this really necessary?

She pulled down her pants, gasping for air.

As she unbuttoned my jeans, I realized…

“I can’t do this.” I pushed her off me, standing to get my shirt and walking out of the room then out of the house and back home…

Mel’s POV

The other night I think Johnny got pissed. I felt bad that I wanted that to happen. I want Johnny to realize… I really do.

And Britney’s not gonna win at this little game. She shouldn’t be toying with someone in such a way and he shouldn’t be so stupid to do this shit.

But today, it’ll be two days since. Johnny didn’t talk yesterday. He just stayed inside his head the whole day.

By the time I got to second period today, I was about to break down. I heard the rumor. Johnny and Britney had sex last night.

I gazed over to Johnny next time I saw him; he was sleeping. He was exhausted. Just like he’d been the day after we had fucked.

I confronted Jimmy about it when he looked at me sadly.

“I dunno, sweetie. He may have. Seems fucking exhausted today…” he put his arm around me as we walked through the hall after class.

Obviously Matt and my plan had the opposite effect on him. Shit!

A few periods, Matt told me that he’d heard. He hugged me like if he’d let me go, I’d fall apart. And who was to tell him I wouldn’t?

Johnny’s entering lunch now though; I’m not gonna let him see me break.

“Hey, sup guys?” he smiled like we didn’t have any problems. “You look nice, Mel.”

I faked a smile, “Thanks.”

Things were falling apart pretty fast…

Brit walked in, right up to our table. “Can I talk to Melanie?” she asked in the sweetest voice she could muster.

“Sure,” I sighed, “be right back, guys.”

I followed her to the hallway. She turned quickly. “So, did you hear the news? You lost, huh? Didn’t think he’d be with me long enough to fuck me, huh?” my eyes narrowed. “Well, last night I fucked him so hard. He’s so tired from everything I did to him. Pretty big dick for such a small guy…”

“Fuck you,” I spat, re-entering the lunch room. I could hear her heels behind me.

“Tonight he’s planning on coming over again. So I’ll fuck him. Not you.”

Anger bubbled high; I could feel the guys’ eyes on me. You’re fucking kidding me, right? She’s still gonna fucking mess with me?

Turning abruptly, I punched her square in her cheek bone. She yelped out in pain, falling to the floor. Quickly recovering, she got back up and pulled my hair. I kicked her in the gut; trying to escape her grasp. My broken nail cut deep into the skin on her wrist and I smirked.

“Now I’m like you and your emo bastards.” She whined.

My blood pumped again, my fists flying like crazy . She couldn’t get one punch in.

That’s when arms grabbed me. I figured it was Matt or one of my friends. I gazed up to see Mr. Plurt; my guidance counselor.

“Shit!” I heard Danny scream.

“You’re coming with me, Melanie.” And I was dragged out of the lunch room. Another teacher took Britney.

After being in his office, he started asking us questions. “She started it…” Britney pointed.

“Melanie? Did you?”

“I was antagonized for too long, Mr. Plurt.” I stated through clenched teeth.

“Well I would give you girls a warning but this isn’t that easy. Detention. Today after school.”

“But my boyfriend’s coming over today!” she whined.

“Well, that’s too bad.” Plurt stated.

Detention was a joke. There’s no work to do, it’s after school, they don’t care if you have your iPod out, and it’s only an hour. This is so stupid.

After sitting in the enclosed room, which was fantastic considering I’m claustrophobic, I was on my way home; today’s events running through my head.

When I was safe inside the closed door of my house, I texted Jimmy, Matt, Zacky, and Brian; “Is anyone busy? I need someone…”

Danny was at football practice, Crystal was at ice skating, and Ali was at play practice. I can’t text them…

I soon got a reply from Jimmy: “I can’t hang yet. I’m going to Brian’s in a few hours though; I’ll stop by your place first.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” I texted back.

Brian’s reply came faster that Zacky’s: “Come on ova, neighbor!”

I smiled as I walked out my door, locked it, and went to Brian’s. He always told me to just walk in. So that’s exactly what I did.

“Come on, Mel!” he called from the living room.

“Thank God, Brian, I need someone…” I stopped dead in my path upon entering the living room. Johnny sat on the couch beside Brian.

“Hey,” he spoke, slightly waving.

Zacky sat in the chair, smiling sweetly at me. “Sup?”

“I-I’ll be right back…” I stuttered, walking up the stairs to the bathroom. I closed the door, leaning against it with a sigh. I pulled on the mirror; it was just like my house. The mirror was kinda a cabinet. I found the razor, pouring some rubbing alcohol on it first.

Then I did something I hadn’t in months…

I placed the blade on my wrist. I didn’t just want a scar this time. No, I wanted more…

So I pushed the sharp edge deep into my skin and pulled it down. The pain coursed through my body, giving a relief from the pent-up emotion. I needed this like an alcoholic needed his whiskey. Blood gushed out as I ran the blade over the new incision a few more times. The crimson dripped into the sink and I knew from the woozy, dizzy feeling, I shouldn’t have done this…

But, damn, it felt great.

The sink was coated, completely drenched, as was my shirt. I didn’t care; I didn’t feel anything but the pain in my wrist on this high. I would eventually. I didn’t think of anything…

Just fell into the abyss…my heart pounding loudly in my ears; all I heard…

Brian’s POV

“Is she okay?” Johnny questioned.

“Nah, I don’t think so. How could you do that, man?” Zacky asked.

“What?”

“Fuck Britney. You knew it’d hurt Mel.”

He stayed quiet. “I didn’t fuck her. We were going to but I left; I felt bad about the whole situation. It felt wrong to me.”

“Aw.” I smirked cockily.

“Shut it, dude.” Johnny snapped.

“So why would she say that?”

“To make Mel jealous, obviously.” I stated.

“But you really didn’t?” Zacky asked.

“No!”

There was a silence and then a huge thud that made me jump up.

“What the fuck was that!?” I screamed.

“It came from upstairs!” Johnny replied as we ran towards the staircase.

Charging up, my heart pounded in my ears. What the hell happened?

The door was closed so I knocked first, “Mel, hey, you ok? Mel?”

No response. So I opened the door, pushing with my shoulder. That’s when I saw it;

Blood splattered on the wall. Smears streaking down the sink and all over the floor; it had been a struggle. The sink was filled with the liquid. A huge stain of it rest on the side of the sink. Her body was covered. Her wrists were gouged. The blood hadn’t stopped seeping.

“FUCK!” I screamed, falling to my knees beside her.

I grabbed a towel, pressing it against the wound to stop the bleeding.

“Call 911! Now!” I gazed up to Johnny who was shocked. He quickly turned and ran.

“Shit…” Zacky mumbled.

“She hit her head on the sink. Knocked her out. That or the blood loss…” I muttered.

“They’re here!” Johnny called soon. I picked her up, running her down the stairs and outside.

“Zack, text the guys. Tell them to meet us up there! Especially Danny; he’ll need to know!”

She was placed in the back, “We need one person to come with. The others can follow in the car.”

Zacky took my car, Johnny in the passenger seat. I jumped in the back of the ambulance, holding Mel’s hand the whole way.

What has Johnny done!?

…No…what have I done…?