If I Never Hold You

Johnny’s POV

She’s not okay… she’s not…

Mel is in the hospital bed, doctors and nurses crowded around her. I can barely see her. There’s so much commotion; so much happening all at once. There is hardly enough room for me to see her. I can just see her perfect face…

I should have paid more attention. I should have realized how much Brit was trying to fuck with her. I should have broken up with that bitch from the start…

But then when I found out about Trinity’s thing for me, which I’d just thought was a fling, Brian interfered. I am never going to live this down.

How will she be able to feel the same about me after I tell her our little secret?

…Will she even wake up?

So here you are now, nowhere to turn
It's just the same old yesterday
And you made a promise to yourself
That you were never gonna be this way

“Christ, what’s goin on in there?” Jimmy stumbled over, eyes red. He must have been crying. They were really close after all.

“You’re taller, you should be able to see better.” Zacky joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Guys, where the fuck is she!?” Matt stormed over, muscles popped; veins protruded.

“Right here…” I muttered. My voice sounded strange to me; strained.

“How the hell did this happen?” he demanded.

“Well, she…” I began but Brian cut me off.

“She cut herself. Slit her wrists; gouged out a lot of meat…”

“Could you be any more horrific explaining it?” I snapped.

“Fuck you, Christ. This is all your fault anyway.” He muttered.

My hands grabbed onto his collar; pushing him roughly against the nearest cement wall, “My fault!?” I growled. “Don’t. You. Ever. Make. Me. Seem. Like. The One. Who. Fucked. Up. Her. Life.” Venom seeped from every menacing word…

And the only thing that you've ever known is to run
So you keep on driving faster into the sun
Cause everybody needs somebody sometimes
Yeah, everybody needs somebody sometimes

“Fuck off.” He pushed my hands off himself.

“No, step up and tell the others what you fucking did… why don’t you? Oh, right. Too scared to fucking see what they think of you afterwards, you assface?”

“Hey, since when the hell did you grow a pair, Christ?”

“Since I realized my fucking mistake, you bastard!” I was screaming.

“I’ll tell ‘em when she wakes up…” Brian sounded defeated.

Don't have to find your own way out
You gotta voice, let it be heard

“And what if she doesn’t?” I snapped in a whisper.

Just when it feels you're on a dead end road
There's always somewhere left to turn

He grew silent, tears in his eyes, “I-I don’t know…” He turned to walk down the hall and the guys followed suit. Going to the waiting room, I imagined. Brian turned again, hands in his pockets. “Johnny.” My eyes fell in his direction, “if this does work out, we know what you have to do. Days left or not. She deserves this at least…”

Tears cascaded down my cheeks and I nodded silently, turning to allow my outburst some privacy.

So don't give up now
You're so close to a brand new day

“Are you here for Melanie Tucker?” a doctor exited the room and I swiftly wiped my eyes with the back of my hands.

“Y-yes.”

“We’ve somewhat stopped the bleeding on her wrist. She’s not awake yet though. That much blood loss can do some serious damage. She had multiple wounds which led to constant blood loss. She may have lost one fifth of her blood. Losing about 1/5 or more of the normal amount of blood in your body causes hypovolemic shock. When you lose blood, it leads to hypovolemia. That’s a state of decreased blood volume; more specifically, decrease in volume of blood plasma. Hypovolemic shock is an emergency condition in which severe blood and fluid loss makes her heart unable to pump enough blood to the body. This type of shock can cause many organs to stop working.”

“So…what can we do?”

“Well, we’re not sure she has this yet. She may. If she did, we’re going to need to take care of her stat. Right now, we need to do a blood transfusion.”

“Okay, so what are you waiting for?”

“You said your name was John Seward, correct?”

“Yes.”

“We checked your charts. You have O blood.”

“And?”

“So does Melanie.” I grew silent; stiff. “Son, we need you to give her some blood.”

And if you just can't bear to be alone
I'll stay

“Okay. Let’s go.” I stormed into the room. My motion stopped when I saw her; blood dried on her beautiful face, gauze and tape wrapped around her wrist, blood pumping through the newly-placed bandage. She was a wreck…and so was I. Her veins were bulged and bruised, likely a reaction from the loss of blood.

Cause everybody needs somebody sometimes
Yeah, everybody needs somebody sometimes

I sat down in a chair and let the doctor stick the needle in my arm, taking blood from my system and soon placing the bag of my blood into a hanging trinket. I uneasily watched as he impaled the needle into her bruised vein; something that should make you flinch. She didn’t move…

“Now we have to wait. I’ll get someone in here with you. You need to stay hydrated…”

I was feeling woozy and I still had a needle in my arm, readying another bag of blood for Mel. I stood, staggering over to her bedside and taking her hand. Tears left my eyes. This was my fault. I don’t care what I said to Brian. He was the planner but I was the one who went through with the action. I was the one who did this…and it was me who would have to put Mel back together…

Well, maybe I been too caught up to see
What you've been going through and all that I can say is...

Adjusting the things in our arms, I maneuvered myself so I could sit on the bed.

Instead, I ended up lying there; left arm around Mel, right arm draining of blood with Mel’s left arm receiving my blood.

It was a beautiful scene…minus the blood and knowledge that this may be the last time I ever hold Melanie Alyse Tucker…

Everybody needs somebody sometimes…