Setting Memories
Setting Memories
A bright ray of sunlight appears on my bed; the last few rays of sunlight for the day as the sun slowly sets. I sit here at my desk, working on…what the hell am working on? I have a new word document up; almost blank, save for my name and address a few lines down the document. Was I writing a business letter? Forget it, I’ll remember later. When thoughts of her get out of my head.
I close the document, shut off my computer and grab my guitar. Right now, how I’m feeling, calls for what I’m about to do.
I walk outside and see the sunset just over the hills out in the distance. I remember, she told me this was the perfect place to watch the sunset.
Fucking shit. Get out of my head already, why don’t ya? You’re gone now, you should be a distant, almost disappearing thought already. I can already bet that I am in your head. I bet you’ve found a nice boy to love.
Love. God. So many things left unsaid. Why’d you have to go? Why was I so weak? Why didn’t I just ask?
Ugh, enough. I go to the backyard and miraculously, go up the ladder with one hand and a guitar in the other. Good thing I didn’t get any bumps or scratches on my baby going up. I haven’t done this in a while. Ever since…
No, goddamn it.
…but I guess that’s why I’m up here in the first place, huh? She was “just a friend,” nothing more. She never knew. She was too fucking dense to notice, huh? She could tell when a guy had a thing for her, but no, not someone of her own gender. God-fucking-damn it.
But I can’t be mad at her. I could never stay mad at her. Even though she’s gone now.
I walk to the edge, facing the sunset. Just like we used to. I slowly seat myself, letting my legs dangle over. My guitar sits in my lap; I look like I’m about to play something. And really, before I do, I just want to think. Remember. All the good times we had.
---
“Hey!” I greeted on the phone. I was in my beautiful new steel blue 2004 Jaguar XKR Convertible. She and a few of our other friends saved up and got it for me for my twenty fourth birthday. They’re a wonderful bunch. But obviously, or rather, not so obviously, I was just thankful that she wished me a happy birthday. I was happy that she cared enough about me to get me such a present. I know they helped too, and I’m a bad person for not being as thankful for them, I just…it’s her I care most about.
I headed down the freeway towards her home, wind blowing through my hair. It was just about summer time, we were taking a little road trip to the country side as a break from town, from all the people, from all the madness in our lives. It didn’t matter to me, just as long as I could spend time with her.
“Hey, where the hell are ya?” she joked. I laughed and jokingly told her to shut up. Heh, she could always make me laugh. No matter what it was, her silly little jokes, her cute little mistakes, every time she’d laugh, I’d laugh with her. “How far away are you?”
“I’m on the freeway right now,” I started, turning into the exit to her house. “I’m probably about five, maybe ten away from your house. See you in a bit, alright?”
“Alright, sweets, see you!” She clicked off the phone. And I love how she gave me that cute little nickname. Sweets. Sometimes it was sweetie, but either way, it made me smile that she’d call me it. To me, she was butterfly. She loved butterflies, she was a natural sort of girl. So carefree, so lovely.
I changed the station and found her favourite song playing on the radio, Sweetest Thing by U2. It was a cute song, Bono made the video as an apology to his wife for missing her birthday. She thought it was adorable. I learned to love it like she did.
I finally reached her house and pulled into the driveway, seeing her on the porch with her favourite suitcase. Yes, she had a favourite suitcase. She made it just like the symbol on the album All That You Can’t Leave Behind by U2.
Can you guess what her favourite band is yet?
She threw her suitcase into the backseat and sat herself in the passenger’s seat. “Hey! God, I’ve been looking forward to this all summer.” She looked at the radio and smiled. “The Sweetest Thing!” She laid back into the chair and began singing, getting me to finally start singing along with her. The song ended and she sighed. “I love that song so much.”
“I know you do, butterfly,” I smiled at her. She grinned back, with that perfect smile of hers, and threw her head back.
“Ah, two weeks with nothing but the sweet country air, rest and relaxation, and my best buddy!”
I felt myself tinge a bit as she ended her sentence, but I composed myself quickly. “It’ll be the best. You make going anywhere fun.”
“I know I do,” she said smugly, smiling afterwards.
I looked back at the road and wore a smile on my face. It was fake, of course. Not that I didn’t want to be there with her, that’s not it at all. I’d go anywhere with her.
I just wish I was more than a best friend to her.
---
That summer was the greatest summer of my life. So much laughter, so much time together. God, I wish I could get it back. I wish I could’ve told her what I needed to tell her.
But it’s too late. Which is why I’m here.
The sunset was almost gone. The sky was filled with colour, a dark red aura surrounding the disappearing sun. Sky blue still showing in between the setting sun and the slowly coming darkness of night. The bottom of the clouds took the orange colour of the sun, while the top was just as dark as the coming night. A vivid mix of colour. Beautiful.
I stared sadly at it, wishing she was next to me like before. Always asking me to play her a song on my guitar. I always did, once she looked at me with that cute little pout of hers. She’d look at me enviously as I played a soft serenade for her. Of course, she didn’t know that. She never knew. She wanted me to teach her guitar, so she might attract a cute guy or something. Inside, it tore at me when she said that. But I always smiled at her and agreed that I would.
But now you’re gone.
I pluck the first string of my guitar, feeling the low note echo against my arm. I strum slowly, letting each string ring out its note. And then I play. A song that I learned since she left. A song I related to so much.
Waiting for your call, I’m sick
Call, I’m angry
Call, I’m desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember, butterfly?
Early Summer
It’s playing on repeat
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
I felt myself choke a bit. I feel tears just about ready to run from my eyes, but I wipe them away. Stupid song. Reminding me of how stupid I am for not telling her. But despite it, I continue singing and playing.
Stripped and polished
I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious
You and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes
What’s your fantasy?
What’s your, what’s your…
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
I can’t stop them now. Tears are falling freely from my eyes. But I could give less of a care. I’m hurt, I don’t want anyone. I just want her. I can’t take it anymore.
And I’m tired of being all alone
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
I know that everything you wanted wasn’t yours
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight.
I set my guitar down next to me and wipe away the last of my tears. The sunset’s finally gone, hidden behind the dark hills. Its aura still lingers where it last was, the sky is still a mix of colour.
I wish she was here with me. I wish that she felt the same. I just wish I was strong enough to tell her those three words that I so longed to tell her since we became close friends.
I love you.
I close the document, shut off my computer and grab my guitar. Right now, how I’m feeling, calls for what I’m about to do.
I walk outside and see the sunset just over the hills out in the distance. I remember, she told me this was the perfect place to watch the sunset.
Fucking shit. Get out of my head already, why don’t ya? You’re gone now, you should be a distant, almost disappearing thought already. I can already bet that I am in your head. I bet you’ve found a nice boy to love.
Love. God. So many things left unsaid. Why’d you have to go? Why was I so weak? Why didn’t I just ask?
Ugh, enough. I go to the backyard and miraculously, go up the ladder with one hand and a guitar in the other. Good thing I didn’t get any bumps or scratches on my baby going up. I haven’t done this in a while. Ever since…
No, goddamn it.
…but I guess that’s why I’m up here in the first place, huh? She was “just a friend,” nothing more. She never knew. She was too fucking dense to notice, huh? She could tell when a guy had a thing for her, but no, not someone of her own gender. God-fucking-damn it.
But I can’t be mad at her. I could never stay mad at her. Even though she’s gone now.
I walk to the edge, facing the sunset. Just like we used to. I slowly seat myself, letting my legs dangle over. My guitar sits in my lap; I look like I’m about to play something. And really, before I do, I just want to think. Remember. All the good times we had.
---
“Hey!” I greeted on the phone. I was in my beautiful new steel blue 2004 Jaguar XKR Convertible. She and a few of our other friends saved up and got it for me for my twenty fourth birthday. They’re a wonderful bunch. But obviously, or rather, not so obviously, I was just thankful that she wished me a happy birthday. I was happy that she cared enough about me to get me such a present. I know they helped too, and I’m a bad person for not being as thankful for them, I just…it’s her I care most about.
I headed down the freeway towards her home, wind blowing through my hair. It was just about summer time, we were taking a little road trip to the country side as a break from town, from all the people, from all the madness in our lives. It didn’t matter to me, just as long as I could spend time with her.
“Hey, where the hell are ya?” she joked. I laughed and jokingly told her to shut up. Heh, she could always make me laugh. No matter what it was, her silly little jokes, her cute little mistakes, every time she’d laugh, I’d laugh with her. “How far away are you?”
“I’m on the freeway right now,” I started, turning into the exit to her house. “I’m probably about five, maybe ten away from your house. See you in a bit, alright?”
“Alright, sweets, see you!” She clicked off the phone. And I love how she gave me that cute little nickname. Sweets. Sometimes it was sweetie, but either way, it made me smile that she’d call me it. To me, she was butterfly. She loved butterflies, she was a natural sort of girl. So carefree, so lovely.
I changed the station and found her favourite song playing on the radio, Sweetest Thing by U2. It was a cute song, Bono made the video as an apology to his wife for missing her birthday. She thought it was adorable. I learned to love it like she did.
I finally reached her house and pulled into the driveway, seeing her on the porch with her favourite suitcase. Yes, she had a favourite suitcase. She made it just like the symbol on the album All That You Can’t Leave Behind by U2.
Can you guess what her favourite band is yet?
She threw her suitcase into the backseat and sat herself in the passenger’s seat. “Hey! God, I’ve been looking forward to this all summer.” She looked at the radio and smiled. “The Sweetest Thing!” She laid back into the chair and began singing, getting me to finally start singing along with her. The song ended and she sighed. “I love that song so much.”
“I know you do, butterfly,” I smiled at her. She grinned back, with that perfect smile of hers, and threw her head back.
“Ah, two weeks with nothing but the sweet country air, rest and relaxation, and my best buddy!”
I felt myself tinge a bit as she ended her sentence, but I composed myself quickly. “It’ll be the best. You make going anywhere fun.”
“I know I do,” she said smugly, smiling afterwards.
I looked back at the road and wore a smile on my face. It was fake, of course. Not that I didn’t want to be there with her, that’s not it at all. I’d go anywhere with her.
I just wish I was more than a best friend to her.
---
That summer was the greatest summer of my life. So much laughter, so much time together. God, I wish I could get it back. I wish I could’ve told her what I needed to tell her.
But it’s too late. Which is why I’m here.
The sunset was almost gone. The sky was filled with colour, a dark red aura surrounding the disappearing sun. Sky blue still showing in between the setting sun and the slowly coming darkness of night. The bottom of the clouds took the orange colour of the sun, while the top was just as dark as the coming night. A vivid mix of colour. Beautiful.
I stared sadly at it, wishing she was next to me like before. Always asking me to play her a song on my guitar. I always did, once she looked at me with that cute little pout of hers. She’d look at me enviously as I played a soft serenade for her. Of course, she didn’t know that. She never knew. She wanted me to teach her guitar, so she might attract a cute guy or something. Inside, it tore at me when she said that. But I always smiled at her and agreed that I would.
But now you’re gone.
I pluck the first string of my guitar, feeling the low note echo against my arm. I strum slowly, letting each string ring out its note. And then I play. A song that I learned since she left. A song I related to so much.
Waiting for your call, I’m sick
Call, I’m angry
Call, I’m desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember, butterfly?
Early Summer
It’s playing on repeat
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
I felt myself choke a bit. I feel tears just about ready to run from my eyes, but I wipe them away. Stupid song. Reminding me of how stupid I am for not telling her. But despite it, I continue singing and playing.
Stripped and polished
I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious
You and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes
What’s your fantasy?
What’s your, what’s your…
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
I can’t stop them now. Tears are falling freely from my eyes. But I could give less of a care. I’m hurt, I don’t want anyone. I just want her. I can’t take it anymore.
And I’m tired of being all alone
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
I know that everything you wanted wasn’t yours
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
‘Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight.
I set my guitar down next to me and wipe away the last of my tears. The sunset’s finally gone, hidden behind the dark hills. Its aura still lingers where it last was, the sky is still a mix of colour.
I wish she was here with me. I wish that she felt the same. I just wish I was strong enough to tell her those three words that I so longed to tell her since we became close friends.
I love you.