Break Myself

Natalia looked out the window of her apartment, watching the falling snow, which was beginning to stick on the ground. She had always loved the snow, as it meant the holidays were near, but this year she wasn’t as excited. She hadn’t talked to her father since they had had that argument about Marty nearly a month ago. And, now, with less than a week until Christmas, it wasn’t the same.

She heard her cell phone ring, and she picked it up off the couch, glancing to see who was calling her. “Hey, Marty,” she smiled. “How was your rehab?” Marty had been working on rehabbing his shoulder for nearly two months, hoping that if he worked hard enough, he would be able to play again this season.

“Same as always,” he replied. “But, they did say that I was gaining my strength and range of motion back, so that’s a good thing.”

“Good,” Natalia told him, looking back out the window at the street, which was quickly turning completely white.

“So, I was calling to see if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight,” Marty told her. “Nothing too fancy or anything,” he added.

“Sure, I’d love to,” Natalia told him. “When will you be here?”

“Well, I need to go back home and change and everything. So, what about if I pick you up in like forty-five minutes or so?” he asked.

“Sure, I’ll see you then,” Natalia told him. “Bye,” she added, hanging up the phone. She shut the curtains to the window, walking back to her bedroom to find something to wear.

She looked in her closet, trying to figure out which outfit to choose. Marty had said that they weren’t going anywhere fancy, so she decided on a simple blue dress and a pair of matching ballerina flats. She finished up her hair and makeup, walking back out into the living room, waiting on Marty to arrive.

A few minutes later, her doorbell rang, and she opened the door, a smile on her face. “Well, don’t you look handsome?” she told him, looking at his outfit of a light blue dress shirt and black dress pants with a dark blue tie.

“You look pretty gorgeous yourself,” Marty told her, giving her a kiss.

“Thank you,” she said, putting on her black pea coat and grabbing her purse off of the table. Walking down the stairs, she turned to look at Marty. “So, where are you taking me?” she asked curiously.

“It’s a surprise,” Marty smiled, getting inside his car.

“You know how I feel about surprises,” Natalia told him, looking out the window at all of the brightly decorated houses, memories of her childhood floating through her mind.

“Just sit back and relax,” Marty told her. “We’ll be there in a little while.”

Natalia nodded, leaning her head against the head rest, staring out the window. She started to drift off when all of a sudden she heard Marty say, “We’re here.”

Natalia’s eyes fluttered open, and her mind registered where she was. “You have got to be kidding me,” she stated, looking over at Marty.

“What?” Marty asked innocently.

“You brought me to my father’s house?” she questioned. “Marty, you know I haven’t talked to him since our argument!”

“All the more reason to come here. Natalia, I know that you and your father were close before I started dating you, and I’m not going to let you drift apart. This has gone on long enough. Now, you’re going to go in there, and you two are going to sort everything out,” Marty ordered.

“Marty,” Natalia began to protest.

“No,” Marty interrupted, shaking his head. “Natalia, please, just go in there and talk to him. Please,” he begged.

“Fine,” Natalia said, opening the car door, and stepping outside, hearing the snow crunch under her flats. Marty quickly walked around to her side of the car, kissing Natalia’s temple and saying a quick ‘thank you.’ Natalia smiled at him, slowly walking up the steps to her father’s house. She grabbed Marty’s hand before ringing the doorbell.

Moments later, the front door opened, revealing a shocked John on the other side. “Natalia!” he exclaimed, ushering her and Marty inside. “It’s great to see you,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around Natalia, who refused to let go of Marty’s hand.

“Yeah,” Natalia replied, earning a look from Marty.

“Marty,” John smiled, shaking his hand. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty good,” Marty replied.

“What are you two doing here?” John asked. “Not that I don’t want you here,” he quickly added.

“I don’t know,” Natalia told him. “Why don’t you ask Marty?” she questioned, looking up at her boyfriend.

John looked over at Marty with a quizzical look on his face. “Well,” Marty began, looking down at Natalia. “I figured it was time that you two stopped this stupid fighting and made up already,” he said honestly.

John looked from Marty to Natalia. “Nat, I really am sorry for what I said to you. I can see that Marty is more than just a rebound relationship,” John admitted. “But, you have to understand where I was coming from. This was your first relationship after Tristan, and I didn’t want to see anyone get hurt.”

“Dad, you don’t get it!” Natalia exclaimed, letting all of her emotions that she had been holding at bay out. Her therapist had told her it would be a good idea to tell her father everything that she was feeling, but she hadn’t had nor had she wanted the opportunity to actually talk to him face-to-face. But, now standing right in front of him, she was going to tell him everything.

“What don’t I get?” John asked.

“It wasn’t even the fact that you thought Marty was a rebound for me that got me so angry,” she explained. “Dad, I hated the fact that you were more concerned about Marty than you were for me!”

“Natalia,” John said.

“No, Dad! It’s always been that way. I’ve always felt like I’ve had to compete with the players. It’s like they’re more like your children than I am,” Natalia continued, feeling tears stinging the back of her eyes. “And, I feel like I can never do anything to please you!”

“Natalia, that’s not true,” John shook his head. “You make me proud every single day!”

“Then why don’t you ever say that?” Natalia questioned. “You talk about your team and how proud you are of them every single day. But, with me, you only say the ways I disappoint you.”

“That’s not true,” John repeated.

“Dad, you always bring up the fact that I didn’t stay in the Army. Or, that Tristan died while he was with me. Or, that I have PTSD, and I’m still having anxiety attacks. And, then, you tell me that I’m only going to use Marty as a rebound relationship!” Natalia yelled, the tears betraying her, streaming down her face.

“Natalia, I never meant to make you feel like this,” John said, taking a step towards her.

“But you do,” Natalia told him, moving closer into Marty’s hold. “And, when it comes to your players, it’s like they never do anything wrong. And, I’m never good enough for you. I can never live up to the team,” she continued as Marty’s arm wrapped tighter around her. He wanted to be able to comfort her and help her, but he knew that this was something that she needed to do. She needed John to know how she felt.

“Natalia, you are my only daughter, and I love you more than anything in this world. I am so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel second rate to the players or the team. That’s not true. And, I am so proud of you. I’m sorry I haven’t told you that more often,” John said.

“Do you mean it?” Natalia asked through her tears.

“Of course I do,” John said, putting a hand on her shoulder, while she switched from Marty’s grasp to her father’s. “I love you, Natalia, and I am so proud of you. Don’t ever think any differently.”

Natalia simply nodded, crying into her father’s shirt. Marty watched on, knowing that this was exactly what Natalia needed, and hoping that this would help her with her anxiety attacks and nightmares.