Break Myself

Natalia walked out of her appointment with her psychiatrist feeling better than when she had gone in. She had explained everything that had happened the previous day at the restaurant, and she was feeling as if maybe she could start to get these panic attacks under control.

She walked to her car, driving to her father’s house since she was supposed to be having lunch with him today. It wasn’t often that they could find time to just have lunch together, but John had tried to make it a habit of having lunch with Natalia at least once every couple of weeks since she had come back from Afghanistan.

She pulled up in front of his house twenty minutes later, jumping out of her car and running up the steps to the house. She rang the doorbell, waiting on her father to answer the door. The door suddenly swung open, and her father greeted her with a hug. “Nat! How are you doing?” he asked her.

“I’m good,” she said as she walked into the house and towards the kitchen, where she could smell the food he was cooking, and she instantly recognized it as her favorite, lasagna. “Ooh, you’re making my favorite!” she exclaimed.

“Of course,” he told her. “So, what have you been up to lately?” he asked, grabbing the lasagna out of the oven. Natalia knew he was slowly getting to the topic of her and Marty, but John was the top of man that liked to lead in to those sorts of topics instead of coming right out and asking her about her love life.

“Well, I’ve become pretty good friends with Summer and Olivia, you know, Jon and Pat’s girlfriends?” she told him.

John nodded his head. “Of course I know them! They work for the team, don’t they?” he joked, and Natalia smiled. Of course her father knew everyone who worked for the organization. “They’re some great girls. I’m glad you’re hanging out with some friends again.”

John knew that Natalia had pretty much kept to herself since she had come back from Afghanistan, and he was pleased to see that she was gaining some friends again. “And, what else have you been doing?” he asked.

“Well, nothing much. I mean, I just got back from therapy,” she told him, intentionally not giving him the information he was seeking. She would be more than happy to talk about Marty, but she wanted John to ask about him first. He wasn’t the type of father that liked to ask about his daughter’s love life, and Natalia was enjoying watching him suffer.

“Oh, and how was that?” he asked.

“Good,” she smiled as she took a bite of lasagna. “I’ve had a couple of panic attacks recently, so we talked about that. I’m hoping to make some progress and hopefully prevent those from coming on.”

“You’ve been having panic attacks?” he asked, concerned. “Is there any specific reason why?”

“Not really,” Natalia replied. “It’s just I’ll hear noises or something that reminds me of that day, and I’ll freak out. But, I’ve had someone there with me recently, so it hasn’t been as bad as it could have been,” she told him, giving him something that could lead in to her love life, knowing that he was still wondering how to bring that up.

“Oh, and who might this mystery person be?” he questioned.

“Just some guy,” she said vaguely with a smile.

“And, do I know this guy?”

“You might,” she said, laughing.

“Natalia, you know I’m not comfortable asking you about your love life. Can’t you help your old man out?” he asked her.

Natalia laughed even harder. “Marty and I have been going good,” she replied.

“I’m glad to hear that,” John told her with a smile. “But…” he trailed off.

“But what?” Natalia asked, setting her fork down and looking over at her father, wondering what he was about to say.

“Nothing, just forget about it,” he told her, trying to let the subject drop.

“No, Dad, what is it?” Natalia asked, wondering what he was thinking.

“Well, I was just wondering if you think that this is the best thing for you. I mean, being in a relationship this close to after what happened with Tristan,” he said quietly, trying not to upset her too much.

Natalia stared at John. “Are you kidding me?” she questioned. “You’ve been pushing me towards getting back out there this whole time. You kept telling me that Tristan would have wanted me to go find someone else. You’ve been wanting me to start dating again! So, why the sudden change of heart?” Natalia asked, getting angrier with every word. How could her father act like this all of a sudden? He had been telling her that he thought it would do her some good if she went out on some dates again, try to find a boyfriend again.

“I know I’ve been telling you that you should go back to dating again, and I think it’ll do you some good,” John said quickly. “I’m just wondering if Marty is the best person to get back into the dating game with,” he added.

Natalia stared blankly at him. All of a sudden, realization hit her. “You don’t want me dating Marty because he’s a member of your team!” she exclaimed. “If it were any other person, you’d be all for it, but because Marty plays for your damn team, you don’t want me dating him! Why not?”

“I just know that you’re getting back into the dating game again. I just don’t want Marty assuming that this is going to be something serious when really it’s just going to be you getting back into the swing of things,” John told her, trying to keep her calm.

“You think I’m just getting back into the swing of thing?” Natalia yelled, furious at her father. “How do you know that we don’t actually care about each other and that this is more than me just getting back into the dating game?” she questioned, throwing his words back at him.

“Natalia, calm down. I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt in the end,” he told her.

“Either of us or Marty?” she questioned. “Come on, Dad, tell me the truth. Are you more concerned about your daughter or your player?”

“I don’t want to see either of you hurt,” he told her.

“Wrong answer,” she told him, getting up from the table and walking out the door and to her car. As soon as she pulled out of the driveway, she could feel the tears falling down her cheeks. She was about to drive to Marty’s, when she suddenly realized that he wasn’t the person to talk to about this. She made a u-turn at the next stop light and sped off in the opposite direction.

Twenty minutes later, she arrived at the apartment complex she was looking for. She walked up the stairs, wiping her cheeks one last time to make sure all of her tears were gone. She rang the doorbell, and five seconds later, the door swung open, revealing Olivia on the other side.

“Natalia!” she exclaimed before she looked at her face and noticed she had been crying. “Oh my God, come on in! Are you okay?”

Summer came walking up behind her. “Did Marty do something to you? Because if he did, I’ll kick his ass for you. I can totally take him with his injured shoulder,” she said seriously.

Natalia laughed at her. “I’m sure you could,” she told her with a smile. “Actually, I’m sure I could take him at anytime, injured shoulder or not,” she said, thinking of all of her military training. “But, no, Marty didn’t do anything to me.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Olivia asked, taking a seat in one of the chairs while she motioned for Natalia to sit down on the couch, which she gratefully took.

“My dad,” she stated.

“John?” Summer asked. “What did he do?”

“Do you guys have some time? Because, I think I need to start at the beginning for this one,” Natalia told them.

“Yeah, we’re not going anywhere,” Olivia said as Natalia sat forward, telling them everything, from her being in the Army to what happened in Afghanistan to what had just occurred with her father.