This Empty Love

Stirring of the person next to me woke me the following morning. I was quickly startled by the arms wrapped around my waist and the body pressed against my back. In a frantic attempt to get away, I scooted away and right over the edge of the bed, landing uncomfortably on the floor.

“Fuck.” I cursed loudly, watching as the familiar tattooed body sat up in bed and looked over to me. “You scared the shit out of me Oliver.” I accused, pushing myself up off the floor.

“Sorry.” He muttered sleepily and rubbed his face. “Didn’t mean to.”

I pulled myself back onto the mattress and stared at him, not sure what to say. Oli stared back, his light hazel eyes meeting mine. I hadn’t seen his eyes this bright, so calm in a long time. It was a nice change from the darkness they usually held.

It was all because, somehow in the middle of the night, we had both managed to push past all that we had been mad at to have one night of normal sleep.

Now, I didn’t know what to make of anything. The kiss last night felt so right, so needed, but we still had so many problems, ones that would split us up again, and they all needed to be worked out. I was just wishing I could freeze time right now, where we were okay with each other, and keep in this moment.

“What’s the time?” I asked as Oliver took his phone from the bedside table.

“A bit before nine.” He replied and set his phone down before he laid back onto the bed. He glanced at me for a moment before closing his eyes his eyes. “We ‘ave an appointment at noon, don’t we?” He didn’t sound like he wanted to go.

“Yes.” I replied. Honestly, I didn’t want to go today either, but we had to. It was part of the whole agreement. Standing up off the bed, I headed towards the bathroom to take a shower, grabbing clothes as I went.

Oliver interrupted me right before I closed the door behind me. Still laying with his eyes closed on the bed, he spoke softly. “Can we not mention last night to Doc?”

&&

“So, we didn’t leave off so well last time.” Dr. Owens said when our appointment finally started. I had a feeling he would be Captain Obvious the entire time, and I definitely wasn’t looking forward to it.

Neither Oliver or I decided to comment on his statement, so Owens continued to talk. “There are a few things I want to touch up on from last time, get a better understanding in a way, and then I want to hear more about your months after getting back together the second time, sound alright?”

“Yes.” Oliver and I replied in sync, with the same tone of voice and annoyance hidden away. Owens smirked at this, but didn’t mention anything of it.

“Now, touching up on last time. I have a few sex questions for you two.” Owens started to say. He ignored my exasperated sigh and continued. “Getting a bit personal, I’d like to know the first time, as a couple, that you had sex. Was it your first times? Where?”

I didn’t get how this was important at all, but after glancing at Oliver and seeing him shrug, I decided to answer for us. “I had just turned 18 and Oliver was going to turn 20 in five months. It was at the end of June, when I was staying the summer with the Sykes’, and it was at their home. Yes, it was my “first time,” but it wasn’t Oliver’s. It happened about a year or more before out first break up.”

Owens scribbled something on his notepad. “And how was the relationship after said experience?” He asked, “Did anything change? Was Oliver interested anymore?”

“Aye, now that’s isn’t fair. Yeh implyin’ that I was usin’ Taylor? That I had sex with her and then broke things off?” Oliver snapped, angry. His accent was very thick, and only getting worse.

“I’m not implying anything, I was just asking a question.” Owens replied, remaining calm. “Taylor?”

Once more, I glanced at Oliver for a moment. His face was red and he looked angry, but his head was tilted down and he wasn’t saying or commenting on anything. I decided to answer the questions.

“The relationship seemed to get better. We were only more interested in each other, and things were becoming amazing between us. It was obvious he did really care about me.” I said, coming to Oliver’s defense. “The only change was that I knew, or thought I knew, that I was in love from that moment on, and Oliver wasn’t there yet.”

Owens nodded and wrote something down again. Oh how I would just love to take that pen from him and hurt him with it. “Did you not love Taylor then, Oliver?” He asked, clicking the end of his pen against the desk, as if taunting me to grab it.

“Dunno.” Oliver replied with a shrug. “I had a lot of trust issues back then, scared of betrayal and shit. It takes me longer to acquire feelings and emotions for people.”

“Maybe we should make a side appointment to talk about those things?” Owens asked.

Oliver laughed. “Yeah, I’d rather not, thanks.” He replied, almost too sarcastically.

Owens nodded, ignoring the bite in Oliver’s tone, and wrote something down while he asked more questions. “So Oliver, when did you start to trust and love Taylor? Was it before or after the break ups?”

Oli leaned back against the couch and crossed on leg over the other, his arms doing the same maneuver. “Definitely before the first break up. Like Taylor mentioned, there was a good year and a half between the first time we had sex and our first break up. Somewhere right between that gap I guess.”

The doctor didn’t really comment on what Oliver said. Instead, he turned his attention back to me. “Alright, I’m a bit confused again. You mentioned you staid the summer with the Sykes’, but you still lived in California, how did everything work after that?”

“I, actually, moved out to England.” I replied, “Bought my own flat a few minutes away from Oliver’s house, started taking some classes at the university, got a part time job, and helped out Oli’s band.”

“Oh wow, that’s quite a big move to make for a relationship.” Owens commented, “What did your family think of that?”

“They thought I was insane, but they were supportive.” I replied. Truthfully, they were more supportive than a family should be if their daughter moved to a different country for a tattooed, aspiring rock star. “My sister and mom were really happy about it, thought it would be good for me to live on my own, and my dad was just concerned about my well-being.”

Like an odd habit, Owens didn’t comment on the longer explanations Oliver or I told. Instead, he went on and switched the subject.

“Did Oliver’s band cause any strain on your relationship?” He asked, looking at me as if he already knew the answer, but what he thought he knew was wrong.

“No.” I replied, “The only thing it effected was how much time we spent together, which was only two hours or so less than usual. If anything, I was glad he had band practice so I could have quiet time to spend on school.”

Doc raised his eyebrow at me, as if not believing that I had to say. “Really?” He asked, just to make sure. I nodded but didn’t add anything.

“Not strain at all? You didn’t feel like he was spending all his time on the music, the band? There wasn’t any concern about him with other women?” Owens asked. It sounded as if he was trying to convince me there had to have been something wrong with our relationship.

“No, no, and no.” I replied, sticking to my guns. “I wasn’t clingy or needed, I gave him his own space, and at that point in time of our relationship, I had absolutely no concern about him and other girls.”

Owens, still not convinced, began to open him mouth, armed with another question when the timer dinged, signaling our time was up. “We’ll continue this next time. Try to go out to dinner a few times this week, expand on what we’ve talked about.”

&&

“Sometimes I don’t see how yeh function in this tiny, one room flat.” Oliver commented as I let him inside. It was almost 1am, and I hadn’t expected to see him tonight.

I shrugged. “Maybe if you were neat, you’d understand.” I replied and walked about ten feet to the curtain separating the kitchen/living room from the “bedroom.”

Falling back onto my bed, where I had been laying for the past three hours writing my English research paper, I made enough room for Oli to lay down. He cuddled up next to me, reading what was on my laptop screen as I tried to finish up the essay.

“Tay, ‘ow long yeh been workin’ on this?” He asked, whispering in my ear before nipping my neck lightly. “Maybe yeh should take a break.”

Silently agreeing, I saved the document and shut the screen of the computer, setting it on the floor near my bed. The moment the computer touched the ground and I leaned back onto the bed, Oliver’s lips were on mine and he was pushing me back onto the mattress.

“I got a new tattoo.” He whispered against my lips, slipping his hands underneath my over sized sweatshirt.

I smiled. “Another?” I whispered, just as lightly as he had. Without his help, I removed my sweatshirt, revealing the fact I was only wearing a sports bra underneath. “I want to see.” I told him.

Oliver smiled and discarded his own shirt, beaming as my eyes focused on the newest addition to the tattoo on his chest. He already had the coffin surrounded by skulls and wings, but now spider webs and roses outlined the pre-existing tattoo.

“I like it.” I told him, gently brushing my fingers over his sensitive skin. “Looks really good.”

He smiled and kissed me again, hands finding their way to my lounge shorts. I grabbed at his back, pulling him closer until our skin was colliding, causing too much friction between us. We tangled in each other, tugging on clothes and getting rid of them, until everything was exposed.