This Empty Love

“This is not going to work.” I told my reflection, “How could you have thought this would work? He’ll see right through your plans, idiot.”

At the moment, I was only in my new underwear with my hair done perfectly and my make-up flawless. Cara made me up too good to be true. I don’t think Oliver will ever fall for this. Before anything actually happened, I knew I was going to talk myself out of it. I was just glad Cara wasn’t there to talk me back into everything.

Grabbing a hand towel from the counter, I wiped it gently over my face, removing the excess amounts of make-up. I left my eyeliner alone, but got rid of the caked on foundation and blush. Walking back into my room I had the full intentions of grabbing my phone, calling Cara, and chickening out.

It took me a good ten minutes of digging through my stuff to figure out something crucial: Cara took my phone, and hid it somewhere in the living room. There was no way I was getting out of this now.

Figuring that it was now or never, I took a breath and opened the door exiting my room. I currently felt very exposed. Slowly, I walked down the hall, nerves eating away at me as I crept closer to the front room.

I paused in the hall only a few steps from my destination and wondered if it was too late for me to run back to my room and lock myself inside. Deciding I really had nothing to lose, seeing as my whole marriage was on the line anyways, I took the one final step into the room, trying to make it appear as though I was looking for my phone.

Conveniently, my phone was placed in the middle of the coffee table in front of the couch, which also conveniently, occupied no one. My eyes flickered across the whole room, searching for Oliver, but he wasn’t here.

I let out a sigh of relief and walked over to the table, quickly bending down and grabbing my phone. I wanted to get out of here quick before Oliver came back.

Guess I wasn’t quick enough. The moment I stood back up and turned around, Oliver was standing in the hall that I just left, his mouth open as he stared at me. I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I was still only in a set of lacy underwear.

“I, uh, my phone, and…” I trailed off, realizing my words weren’t really coming together to form any type of coherent sentences. I held up my phone anyways, as if to prove my point.

Oliver nodded his head but continued to just stand there, opening his mouth a few times as if to say something but he never did. This was turning out to be more awkward than I planned, or hoped, it would be.

Phone still in hand, I lightly placed my fingers on the lower part of my stomach, hoping that a shirt would magically appear on my body. I glanced back up and away from my hands just in time to catch Oliver’s eyes trail from my waist back up to my eyes.

“You’re, uhm,” He started to say. Anything could fill in the blank, but the one thing that seemed to fit was naked.

“Yeah.” I breathed out as my mind scolded me for being so damn stupid. We were both grown adults, been married almost two years, and yet we find ourselves in this ridiculously awkward situation. You‘d think we’d at least be able to deal with this, better. “I’m just going to…”

My voice trailed off and I pointed towards the hall way, which Oliver was still blocking. He nodded again, eyes still grazing over me as he stepped aside. I approached carefully and forgot to breath. Just a few more steps and I was almost past him. When my back was finally to him, I let out the air in my lungs, remembering that breathing was necessary.

I was about ready to dart down the hall when I felt Oliver’s hands lightly reach out and hold my waist, his body stepping closer to the back of mine. He spun me around slowly, my body twirling effortlessly. He let his fingers slide down to my hips and pulled my bare body to his. In response, I gripped his shoulder, not wanting him to let me go.

Our eyes were connected the whole time, his dark hazel orbs boring into my own golden brown ones. We were frozen, neither of us moving and I definitely wasn’t thinking. I was about ready to melt into his embrace.

Oliver started to open his mouth, ready to speak about something as his hands gripped my hips, applying a small pressure. But I shook my head, signaling for him to keep his mouth shut. Now was not a time for words, only actions, and I think he got the hint.

Oli tilted his head down slowly, and soon enough, our lips met. Our mouths pushed hard against one another. I didn’t want there to be any room to breath. I just needed the feeling of his skin, every part of him, against my skin.

The kiss wasn’t rough, but it was anything but gentle. My lips were quickly becoming red with each second we tried to become even closer. When the kiss finally deepened, our teeth clanked and our tongues clashed, but neither of us seemed to mind.

All I could concentrate on was kissing Oliver and feeling his hands roam down my hips, over my lacy panties, and to my butt where he gripped firmly and lifted me up off the ground. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled my torso closer to his, making sure his thin frame could support me.

By now we were both out of breath and panting into the kiss, but neither of us dared to pull apart. I was too busy making sure my mouth stayed firmly connected to his and successfully maneuvering my hands to take of his shirt to notice Oliver begin to move closer to the bedroom.

“Doorknob.” Oliver breathed, moving his lips from mine and attaching them to my neck. My head lulled back, giving him full access as I removed one arm from around him and reached back to open the door. He nudged it completely open with his foot and carried me inside.

The bed quickly became my new best friend as Oliver gently set me down on the mattress and crawled over me, nipping along my shoulders and neck. He breathed against my ear, sending shivers across my body and making me whimper. After nibbling on my earlobe, he reattached our lips and let his hands scan my body.

He trailed his smooth pamls up my thighs, past the forbidden places craving him, and up my stomach. With each touch my body only wanted him more and more. I was becoming desperate for him, just wanting him.

With his shirt already gone, Oliver did nothing to stop my hands from latching onto his waist band and unbuttoning his jeans. They slipped off easily, almost a miracle for skinny jeans, leaving us both in our underwear and completely exposed to each other.

I clawed my fingers down Oliver’s chest. My eyes were firmly shut, but I could still imagine every inch of his tattooed torso as my fingers dragged down his skin.

Oliver moaned into the kiss and grabbed at my hips, bringing them up to meet his. Finally, his hands found their way to my bra and unhooked it like a pro, tossing it somewhere across the room as he trailed small kisses down my chest and to my lower stomach. All I wanted right now was for me to strip off the rest of my garmets and Oliver to lose his boxers.

“Oli.” I groaned his name, his nickname. Something I hadn’t spoken in quite sometime. My voice was hardly a whisper, even I could barely hear myself. “Please.”

He never spoke. Instead he hoisted his body completely over mine, kicking off his boxers as he did so, and kissed me softy before making our hips clash.

I needed this, he needed this.

&&

“Any regrets?” Oliver asked softly into the dark air. “About last night, I mean.”

My naked body was curled up into his, head resting on his chest and his arms were wrapped around me. I shook my head, not giving a verbal answer, and burrowed closer to his embrace.

I felt him nod also and hug me tighter, accepting my need to be as close as possible. Last night, technically today if you count hours, was my “first time.” And I gave it to Oliver. He didn’t leave me after I fell asleep, instead he kept me close until I woke up, and whispered those random nothings in my ear.

At the moment, they didn’t seem like nothing. They were everything.

My body was slightly sore, not used to what occurred only hours before, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be. It wasn’t all painful, my sister lied. Probably in hopes of keeping me from sleeping with Oliver. It was too late now.

“What’s the time?” I asked softly, my voice slightly raspy from just waking up. Oliver started to move, probably looking for his phone, but I pulled him back. “Never mind, I don’t care enough. Just stay close to me.”

“O’course.” He whispered and cuddled back into his position.

Oli left small butterfly kisses along my shoulder and neck before kissing my temple. “Yeh should try to fall back asleep, we still have to head to my grandparent’s house at noon.”

Again I nodded and welcomed the warmth of his body. So badly I wanted to whisper the three words that I had always thought too important and forbidden for a relationship such as our;I love you. So I kept the words in my throat and merely thought them to myself, hoping in some way he was thinking them right back.