This Empty Love

“Dad’s probably going to answer.” I said softly, shifting pressure from one foot to the other. Ashley and I were standing outside our parent’s house, and she had just rang the doorbell. “If they’re even home.”

Ashley laughed lightly next to me. “You and I both know they’re home, stop wishing they aren’t.” She knew me all to well.

A minute or so after ringing the doorbell, the lock was undone and the door was swung open. My sleepy looking dad stood in the doorway. He had probably just woken up from a nap. He quickly regained full consciousness when he realized both of his daughters were standing outside.

“Ashley, Taylor. It’s so good to see you.” He greeted happily welcoming us both into a simultaneous hug before ushering us into the house. “Sandra, honey, look who was at the door.”

Our father led us through the living room and into the kitchen. Mom’s back was to us. She was getting herself a cup of coffee. “Bill, what are you talking about?” She turned, eyes widening. “Oh my God, my babies are here.”

Sometimes, instead of seeming like middle-aged parents, they seemed more like they would be grandparents living in a 55+ community.

“Not to sound ungrateful about seeing you,” she started to say, setting the coffee mug down to hug me, “Because I am so glad to see you, but what are you doing here?”

I hugged her back, savoring the moment before everything would be let out of the bag. “It’s complicated.” I replied.

“I’m not sure if I like the sound of complicated.” My dad said, leaning on the counter next to my mom. This house was so unfamiliar to me, since I hadn’t grown up here, but with all of us huddled near the island counter, it seemed to fit. “Can I hear a general topic this complication revolves around.”

“Bill, you have a thick skull.” My mom was shaking her head as she talked, glancing towards my dad with a know-it-all attitude. “When was the last time we saw Taylor without Oliver? That’s it, right there, isn’t it?”

She now looked at me, the attitude gone, and a sad look on her face. My mom hadn’t talked to me in a little over a month, and hadn’t seen me in three, yet she still new me better than most people. I nodded sadly, confirming what I didn’t want to.

“We’ve got all day, or more if you’d stay.” She said. “Maybe we could help, if you’d tell us. I know you don’t like telling people personal things, but honey, I really think it could help-”

I cut her off. “Ma, that’s why I’m here.” Ashley glanced at me, holding back the smiley that gave away I was actually here because of her. “Can we catch up about your stuff now, and explain my later? I don’t know what to say yet.”

Four hours later, with the amazing smell of lasagna filling the air, I was all caught up with my family but not the other way around. I was dodging any questions regarding my life, and insisting that I only wanted to hear about everyone else. If only they knew the extent to what was going on.

“Okay Taylor, your turn.”

I stopped, mid-bite with my fork half way to my mouth, and let my eyes slowly wander to my dad. His plate was already clean and his hands were clasped together resting on the table top. I took the bite already on my fork and gave myself a little bit more time to think about what to say. Best thing was probably to just spit it out.

“Well, Oliver and I have been having some problems lately.” I started to say. My parents nodded their heads in a similar matter, egging me on to continue. “He filed for divorce a while ago, and we’ve been seeing a therapist until recently and trying to figure things out, but it’s only getting worse.”

“Divorce?” Mom sounded shocked. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

I started to chew on my lip and shrugged. “I’ve been trying to fix it myself. I didn’t want help repairing something that I broke.”

“What do you mean you broke?” My dad questioned again. I knew he would be like this, and it wasn’t really helping. “You didn’t break anything any more than Oliver did.”

I nodded. “You’re right, it was both of us, but I made it worse than it ever had to be.”

Obviously, my parents weren’t able to read between the sloppy, uninformative lines that I was giving them. “Okay, how about you explain it from the beginning of when this mess all started? Maybe that’ll get me to understand.”

I took a deep breath, set my elbows on the table, and got all my thoughts in order. I needed to start at the beginning, leaving out details and only summarizing. So I did.

“You’re story need to be on Lifetime.” My dad commented with a nod after I was done explaining.

“Yeah, thanks Dad. Exactly what I needed to hear.” I replied sarcastically. The new, small smile on his face told me he didn’t really know what to say.

“Taylor, you really have dug yourself quite a hole here. I’m kind of surprised Carol hasn’t mentioned anything to me, I wish she would have, but I guess maybe she didn’t know either.” My mom was starting to ramble, but I was going to let her. “You’re right, when you didn’t help anything, but Oliver was far out of line too. In all honestly, I don’t know if this is repairable, or if you just need to hit the reset button.”

“Lifetime is looking like a better option right about now.” I decided.

Across from me, Ashley took a bite of her food and waved her fork through the air expressively as she talked. “But Lifetime movies have never made you cry, and this has.”

“Thanks, Ash, really.” I muttered.

My mom set her elbows on the table and linked her hands together, looking at me. “Enough of this today, why don’t us girls go out tomorrow. A little shopping therapy or something to talk about everything.”

&&

“So you’re telling me that Oliver and I need to go back to Dr. Owens?” My voice was muffled, due to the fact my head was smashed into the small hole on the massage table.

“Yes,” Mom replied, her voice just as awkward as mine.

I groaned, mostly do to the fact that the masseuse just dug her fingers into a sensitive part of my back. “But I don’t even know if he helped anything. All I got out of that whole therapy experience was more frustration.”

Ash sat up on her massage table, towel wrapped tightly around her. “Or, you could try telling him that you’re pregnant and that you can’t do it alone.” Leave it to Ashley to suggest the one thing no one wants to hear.

“How about not. Plus, he wouldn’t fall for that seeing as we haven’t had sex in what feels like forever.” I muttered. In all honesty, I didn’t care whether or not my mom heard about my sex life.

The evil masseuse pressed harder once again into my shoulder blade so I shut up. I was attempting to enjoy this odd position Mom and Ashley dragged me into. It wasn’t really working, seeing as unless it was family, or Oliver, I didn’t want anyone touching me.

“Sex won’t heal your marriage.” Mom replied. She was much more relaxed than I was.

“Nah, but it will help her out, don’t you think?” Ashley interrupted again. “Nothing says, “I’m sorry, take me back,” like a good round of make up sex.”

Either the masseuses were good at not listening to what people were talking about, or they just didn’t care, because my back was still being poked and prodded at by what were supposed to be dainty hands. When she finally stopped, I was very relieved.

I sat up, towel around me. My mom and sister were looking at me, waiting for to head into another room for more pampering and unneeded attention. We all maneuvered off the tables in our towels, heading off somewhere.

“You either need to figure out if the things that made you fall in love are still in play, or if they’re not. Don’t hang on to what’s not still there.” Mom said sincerely, leading the way.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, speaking too softly for anyone to hear me as I followed. “If you love me, let me know. If your don’t, please gently, let me go.”