This Empty Love

“To start off this three month course, I want to dig into the early spots of your relationship.” Dr. Owens began to talk after our introductions.

Dr. Frederick Owens was probably in his thirties, which seemed young in my eyes, and he seemed very relaxed. At first, I was hesitant to believe he could help us. How was someone not too much older than us supposed to give us incite if he wasn’t old and full of wisdom?

Owens was seated in an arm chair directly in front of Oliver and myself with a note pad and pen in hand. Secretly, I wondered if he was just drawing pictures or actually analyzing us. To our luck, we didn’t have separate arm chairs, instead we were sitting on opposite sides of a comfortable couch.

“Now Taylor I’m going to start with you. Oliver, for now just sit back and listen.” He said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Oliver nod and relax into the couch before the doctor continued to talk, “Alright Taylor. Let me know your side of this. How did you meet Oliver? Was it through his music or a different means?”

This question triggered something that easily got me mad. People always assumed, since Oliver was Mr. Rockstar, that I must have met him through the band. But, that wasn’t the case at all, and I would be the first to voice that.

“Oliver and I actually met each other through our parents.” I started to say, letting my mind remember that far back, “We were introduced when I was seventeen and he was eighteen. Our fathers knew each other through mutual friends and there was a get together at a barbeque. I guess that’s it.”

“Alright, well that’s something I wouldn’t have guessed.” Owens said. At least he was honest. After scribbling something down, he spoke again. “Now what was your first impression of Oliver? In detail.”

I glanced over at Oliver next to me. He was looking down at his hands, which were laced together and set in his lap. Sighing, I spoke again. “I thought he was intriguing and dangerous. Even at eighteen he already had tattoos and whatnot. He seemed like the typical bad boy. He scared me at first, but I was more interested than afraid.”

“So he was slightly overwhelming?” Owens asked, not writing anything down. I nodded and shrugged. “Okay, now Oliver, your turn. I want your side now. How did you and Taylor meet?”

“Pretty much what she told yeh.” Oliver replied, sitting up straight on the couch and crossing one leg over the other along with his arms, “We were in California to visit my parents’ friends and for my dad’s work. It was a barbeque an’ our parents somehow knew each other an’ that we were ‘round the same age. It was a simple introduction, nothin’ spectacular.”

For some reason, I was surprised Oliver was talking this much. A few years back, Oliver was sent to a therapist for anger management and wouldn’t talk at all. Maybe this was a sign he was actually willing to put some effort into this.

“And what was your first impression of her?” Owens asked, pen in hand and ready to write little notes on what he heard.

It was quiet for a moment before he responded, and the ticking of a clock on the wall was starting to drive me crazy. Oliver didn’t bother looking at me before he spoke. It seemed like he’d rather look anywhere but at me right now.

“Honestly, my first thought was she was one of those average girls who came off as shy an’ proper plain. It wasn’t love at first sight or anythin’ like that,” He started to explain. It shouldn’t have, but his words seemed to hurt me a bit. “But we got to talkin’ a bit an’ what I thought changed. She wasn’t actually that plain, or average. She had substance and morals, it was weird to me.”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I kept myself from talking. I knew my input wasn’t wanted or needed, so I continued to sit there and listen.

“After the barbeque, Oliver when did you see Taylor next?” Owens continued to ask questions. I didn’t really get why our first few run ins were that important.

“Er, I guess it was about a week later. My mum wanted to see more of the California beach before we ‘eaded back home. Taylor’s mum offered to show us ‘round and took her along.” He replied simply. Owens motioned for Oliver to continue talking.

“Taylor and I went off to walk on the beach an’ see the sunset before meeting up with our mums.” He explained, fidgeting on the couch. Oliver was missing a main part of that walk on the beach.

“Your side of this Taylor?” Owens asked, switching his view over to me.

“We walked in the beach, he tried to kiss me, and I became a chase for him when I turned my head away.” I replied, feeling like a little kid telling on someone else.

“Oh well this changed things a bit. So there was a potential kiss involved? Explain it to me Taylor.” Owens said.

Finally, I could feel Oliver looking at me, but I didn’t dare look back to see his expression. “We had talked a lot. He seemed arrogant and conceited. I won’t lie when I say he was full of himself. He thought he was a ladies man. When I told him I’d never been kissed, he just couldn’t help attempting to be my first. I caught on though, managed to not let him.”

“This brings around a new sight on this all. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you have problems now, because you started out with an odd dislike for each other?” Owens asked, most as a statement instead of looking for an answer. “Our time is almost up, but when you come back in two days, I want to hear about your relationship after that point in time, be ready.”

&&

Right now, I was realizing that driving to the therapist in the same car wasn’t such a great idea. The tension inside the car was suffocating me, and most likely, Oliver too. So now, not only were we already mad at each other, but the anxious feelings were just piling on.

“So that was interesting.” I muttered nervously and cleared my throat, trying to break the silence. My eyes were focused straight ahead instead of at Oliver, who was driving.

“Yep.” He replied dryly, making it plainly obvious he wasn’t looking for any form of conversation.

I huffed and crossed my arms, moving my eyes to look out the window. This exactly how it’s been for the last two weeks. One word answers from him. As bias as this sounds, I felt like everything lately has been all his fault.

“You’re impossible.” I muttered once we pulled into the driveway and I was able to get out. Quickly, I exited the car and stomped up to the door.

“Why are yeh always such a drama queen? Last time I checked, I wasn’t the only impossible one.” Oliver’s voice was catching up on me after the noise of the car door shutting and locking. Soon, he was in the house with me.

Hamilton sat in the middle of the living room watching us as words were thrown back and forth. He whined and walked off down the hall, leaving us to our argument.

“Shut up, just shut up!” I yelled finally, slamming the glass of water I had down on the counter top. “I’m sick of this fighting. If we’re going to talk, make it civil or none at all. Save your words for therapy.”

After yelling, I ran down the hall and into the master bedroom, locking the door behind me. I rested my back against the door and slid down onto the carped, letting myself curl together and cry quietly. Ten, maybe twenty minutes later Oliver was knocking on the door.

“Taylor, I need some of my clothes.” His voice was abnormally soft for the current situation.

Pushing myself up off the floor, I unlocked the door and swung it open, keeping my back to him as I walked into the bathroom and sat in the empty tub. The noises of him shuffling around in the room were obvious, and almost painful. A drawer opened and slammed, same with the closet door and shuffling of the hamper.

“I’m staying at a hotel tonight and tomorrow, at least until our next session.” Oliver mumbled, walking into the entrance of the bathroom.

I looked over at him from my spot in the tub. Keeping my gaze off his face, I glanced over his tattooed arms an neck. I had already memorized everyone, knowing the locations and meanings of most. Through all the fighting, he still never ceased to mesmerize me.

“Alright. Let me know when you’re there?” I asked softly, still caring. That was one thing that never faltered in our relationship; when we got mad, we still made sure we’d be okay.

“Of course.” Was all he said before turning and walking out of the room, leaving me to wallow alone in the cold and empty bathroom.