Tiny Hands
She's raising hell.
She was skinny, pale, and the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Party after party, I could see her sitting on tables, couches, porches, with many people surrounding her, just listening to her speak. She had a slightly raspy voice that sent chills up my spine, yet I never took the time to learn her name. I could just sit at home and picture her in my mind, trying to come up with a name that fit her, but I could not. The courage to speak to her I lacked, as we were from completely different sides of the high school spectrum. I'm an athlete, an everyday god to anyone trying to support our small town. She was into pot, coke, and anything she could find. I had my cheerleader girlfriend; she had her nightly hook ups with anyone she could get her small, silk hands on. We had one friend in common - her drug dealer, my teammate.
"Hey, Josh. I've got a quick question for you," I yelled above the cheers of our football team as we left the field with yet another win under our belts.
"Yeah, whatever. What is it?" Josh had never been super close to me, considering he wanted to be quarterback, which I was given.
"I don't know how well this is going to come out. You know that girl? The one always at those house parties, dazzling everyone with her stories, the cloud of smoke around her suffocating everyone but herself? She's beautiful, with blonde hair. Green eyes, tiny hands. Wavy hair, and I'm pretty sure this week her nails are painted bla-"
"Josie. Her name is Josie. She's a junior, she's a pothead, and I can guarantee she wouldn't even tell you the time. She's not into people like us unless we can give her something, as I'm sure you've seen. Let it go, man. I can see that you want her bad, but so does just about everyone else in this piece of shit town. I'd suggest going home and fucking that pretty little girlfriend of yours and completely forgetting about Josie."
- - -
Another party, another night of watching Josie from across the room. I could see Josh turning to look at me every few minutes, shooting his glares as if they would cause me to drop dead on the spot. He wanted her, I could tell. Everyone wanted her. Isn't it funny how that works out? The people someone could fall for, I mean. Instead of the beautiful girl clinging to my arms, I wanted the girl with a blunt in between her index finger and thumb, smoking without coughing once. Pot was her thing, she knew it inside and out, that I could see. I wanted to just speak to her, to hold her beautiful hands, clasp her slightly pudgy cheeks in my hands and kiss her full on the mouth.
I made my way over to the dining room table she was stationed on. Josh stood up before I even made it 5 feet in front of her, cutting me off, fully intending to tell me to turn back to the girl staring at me in disbelief. I shoved him out of the way, walking quickly through the masses of people listening to Josie speak of her most recent adventures. I made it right in front of her, and she looked up at me with her glazed over eyes, and gave me the most dazzling smile I had ever seen in my entire 19 years of life. I couldn’t look away from her face as a grin stretched across mine, and she stood up, excusing herself from the people around her and grabbing my arm. I followed her with a quizzical look on my face to the back porch, where there was snow silently falling through the brisk winter air. She turned to look at me, this time her face completely void of happiness.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” She asked me, staring at me with wide brown eyes, ringing the bottom of her hot pink v-neck in her tiny, beautiful hands.
“I… don’t know.”
“Well, you better figure it out. You can’t just saunter up to me, expecting me to talk to you like everyone else. I’m not going to get on my knees for you, to worship you in one way or another. Do you really think that because I’m high and because you’re Mr. Quarterback, I’m going to fuck you? It isn’t going to happen, I can promise you that,” she haughtily whispered to me, glaring at me through her fringe.
“I can guarantee to you, Josie, that those were not my intentions. I really don’t think I’m the type of person you’re depicting me as.”
“Good. I expect I’ll see you next party, front and center, then.” She sauntered away, leaving me with my eyes wide and my mouth dropped to the ground, letting the cold air and forming blanket of snow around me keep me from completely drifting away.
- - -
Every party after that night, Josie and I talked. I learned so many things about her, even those that I didn’t want to. She quickly became my haven, the one person I could trust with everything. She began to stop smoking pot around me, as it had bothered me and made me cough often. I saw her almost every night, and her life began to pick up, moving away from the drugs. I broke up with my girlfriend, and asked Josie out the same night. She politely denied, without giving me a reason. I let it go for awhile, asking again a week later. No. Again, 2 months after the second time. No. Once more, 6 months after our meeting. I said no already. I was fed up. She couldn’t treat me this way, knowing the way I felt and still teasing me with her beautiful face, beautiful voice, and beautiful hands.
“Why not, Josie? I just want to be happy, with you,” I told her after her last refusal.
“I’m not the relationship type. I’ve never been. I do like you, trust me, but we’ll never work. You’re too good for me.”
“I love you. I really do. Just give us a try. Love me back.”
She left. She stared up at me, licked her lips, sighed softly, and turned slowly toward the door. I grabbed her arm, and tried once more. Please.
There was nothing I could do. She was in her car, out of sight within minutes. She went to Josh’s house, to smoke some pot, and get her mind off of the situation. Josh offered her some heroine, something she had never tried before. He promised her she’d be safe, that it was the same as pot, but felt so much better. She gave into him, leaning against his bedroom wall as he injected the drug into her blood stream. He was right, the feeling was tremendous. For awhile, anyway. She began to feel sick and drowsy, so she left Josh’s house to head toward her own. She made it to the car, onto the road, and halfway home before slamming her car into a ditch.
I see her when I close my eyes, lying in the grass, twisted like a rag doll. Twisted, with her soft, delicate, beautiful hands lying cold and forgotten across her chest, the hands that I never once got to touch.
"Hey, Josh. I've got a quick question for you," I yelled above the cheers of our football team as we left the field with yet another win under our belts.
"Yeah, whatever. What is it?" Josh had never been super close to me, considering he wanted to be quarterback, which I was given.
"I don't know how well this is going to come out. You know that girl? The one always at those house parties, dazzling everyone with her stories, the cloud of smoke around her suffocating everyone but herself? She's beautiful, with blonde hair. Green eyes, tiny hands. Wavy hair, and I'm pretty sure this week her nails are painted bla-"
"Josie. Her name is Josie. She's a junior, she's a pothead, and I can guarantee she wouldn't even tell you the time. She's not into people like us unless we can give her something, as I'm sure you've seen. Let it go, man. I can see that you want her bad, but so does just about everyone else in this piece of shit town. I'd suggest going home and fucking that pretty little girlfriend of yours and completely forgetting about Josie."
- - -
Another party, another night of watching Josie from across the room. I could see Josh turning to look at me every few minutes, shooting his glares as if they would cause me to drop dead on the spot. He wanted her, I could tell. Everyone wanted her. Isn't it funny how that works out? The people someone could fall for, I mean. Instead of the beautiful girl clinging to my arms, I wanted the girl with a blunt in between her index finger and thumb, smoking without coughing once. Pot was her thing, she knew it inside and out, that I could see. I wanted to just speak to her, to hold her beautiful hands, clasp her slightly pudgy cheeks in my hands and kiss her full on the mouth.
I made my way over to the dining room table she was stationed on. Josh stood up before I even made it 5 feet in front of her, cutting me off, fully intending to tell me to turn back to the girl staring at me in disbelief. I shoved him out of the way, walking quickly through the masses of people listening to Josie speak of her most recent adventures. I made it right in front of her, and she looked up at me with her glazed over eyes, and gave me the most dazzling smile I had ever seen in my entire 19 years of life. I couldn’t look away from her face as a grin stretched across mine, and she stood up, excusing herself from the people around her and grabbing my arm. I followed her with a quizzical look on my face to the back porch, where there was snow silently falling through the brisk winter air. She turned to look at me, this time her face completely void of happiness.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” She asked me, staring at me with wide brown eyes, ringing the bottom of her hot pink v-neck in her tiny, beautiful hands.
“I… don’t know.”
“Well, you better figure it out. You can’t just saunter up to me, expecting me to talk to you like everyone else. I’m not going to get on my knees for you, to worship you in one way or another. Do you really think that because I’m high and because you’re Mr. Quarterback, I’m going to fuck you? It isn’t going to happen, I can promise you that,” she haughtily whispered to me, glaring at me through her fringe.
“I can guarantee to you, Josie, that those were not my intentions. I really don’t think I’m the type of person you’re depicting me as.”
“Good. I expect I’ll see you next party, front and center, then.” She sauntered away, leaving me with my eyes wide and my mouth dropped to the ground, letting the cold air and forming blanket of snow around me keep me from completely drifting away.
- - -
Every party after that night, Josie and I talked. I learned so many things about her, even those that I didn’t want to. She quickly became my haven, the one person I could trust with everything. She began to stop smoking pot around me, as it had bothered me and made me cough often. I saw her almost every night, and her life began to pick up, moving away from the drugs. I broke up with my girlfriend, and asked Josie out the same night. She politely denied, without giving me a reason. I let it go for awhile, asking again a week later. No. Again, 2 months after the second time. No. Once more, 6 months after our meeting. I said no already. I was fed up. She couldn’t treat me this way, knowing the way I felt and still teasing me with her beautiful face, beautiful voice, and beautiful hands.
“Why not, Josie? I just want to be happy, with you,” I told her after her last refusal.
“I’m not the relationship type. I’ve never been. I do like you, trust me, but we’ll never work. You’re too good for me.”
“I love you. I really do. Just give us a try. Love me back.”
She left. She stared up at me, licked her lips, sighed softly, and turned slowly toward the door. I grabbed her arm, and tried once more. Please.
There was nothing I could do. She was in her car, out of sight within minutes. She went to Josh’s house, to smoke some pot, and get her mind off of the situation. Josh offered her some heroine, something she had never tried before. He promised her she’d be safe, that it was the same as pot, but felt so much better. She gave into him, leaning against his bedroom wall as he injected the drug into her blood stream. He was right, the feeling was tremendous. For awhile, anyway. She began to feel sick and drowsy, so she left Josh’s house to head toward her own. She made it to the car, onto the road, and halfway home before slamming her car into a ditch.
I see her when I close my eyes, lying in the grass, twisted like a rag doll. Twisted, with her soft, delicate, beautiful hands lying cold and forgotten across her chest, the hands that I never once got to touch.