For You To Notice

You know that feeling you get when you just find out something traumatizing? The feeling of nausea, that large annoying lump in your throat? That lump that just sits there, making it hard to breathe and swallow? That lump that doesn't go away until you cry like a little baby?

I've been told that crying makes you feel better, it helps release that pain that you are feeling at that exact moment.

But does crying truly make you feel better when your heart is breaking slowly into a million little pieces everyday? Does crying evermake your heart stop hurting? Does it make it easy to see the one person you ever loved, love someone else that you considered a friend?

Some days are harder than others, but you just have to pretend you're okay, even when you have hit rock bottom. Because sometimes, just sometimes, something better comes your way.

Especially an acceptance letter from your dream college. An acceptance letter from a college on the other side of the world; University of Oxford. Maybe this will be my chance to finally get over Brayden. But with my luck, Brayden probably got accepted to Oxford as well.

"Rhiannon! Guess what?!" Brayden's excited voice filled my stomach with those dreadful butterflies. I was silently hoping I'd hear Brayden to say, "Erika got hit by a bus, and her face got all mangled. And I realized that you are the perfect girl for me! I love you!"

Only in my dreams.

"I got accepted Rhi!" Mixed feelings coursed through my body. Happiness was the first feeling, I was happy that I'd have my best friend there. At least I would have someone there that I actually knew. Then I was slightly pissed off because I thought that this would have been my only chance of getting away from him, and to finally let someone else into my life. Someone that I could care for, and be cared for in return. Someone to love, and be loved in returned as well. And then I felt ashamed for feeling pissed because Brayden got accepted as well. Brayden did always want to go to Oxford as well.

"Congratulations Brayden. I did as well." And then I felt proud of Brayden. He always had those doubts about not getting accepted, even though he was the smartest kid I have ever known.

"Really? That's awesome, congrats! But Rhiannon, I thought you should know that I'm not going to go." I felt my heart drop. "Erika convinced me to go to community college so I can be closer to her."

I felt my jaw drop, and my hands balled into tight fists. I knew for a fact that my face was red like someone who got really horrible sun burn. "Are you serious?! You've gotten accepted to the school you always dreamed about going to! You're seriously going to throw your future away because of some skank you think you love? Erika will dump you in a few months when she finds a new boy toy! Are you even thinking with your brain Brayden? Or are you thinking with your dick head?"

I could feel the shocked expression on Brayden's face, while he didn't say anything on the other line. After a few minutes of silence between us, I couldn't deal with it anymore. "Whatever Brayden, throw your life away. But I won't be here when you get your heart broken and you realize what you're missing out on."

"Missing out on what exactly?" I wanted to scream on the top of my lungs into the phone receiver but I decided not to.

"Well one, it's obviously a one in a lifetime chance to go to fucking Oxford Brayden. That's a pretty big deal if you ask me." Breathing in and out loudly, I tried calming myself down.

"And whats the other reason Rhiannon? Are you jealous or something about Erika and I? Just because you don't let anyone get close to you doesn't mean that I should do the same." I felt that stupid lump form in the back of my throat.

"Thanks for being so observant Brayden. And no I'm not jealous, I think you're just a dumb ass if you'd rather choose community college over Oxford. All because of a stupid girl you think you love. Do you even know what love is Brayden?" I didn't want to fight with Brayden but all my emotions were coming out of my mouth. And maybe I did lie a tad bit when I said I wasn't jealous...

"How would you know anything about love Rhiannon? The only people you love are your parents, and me since I'm your best friend."

"Just because you're my best friend doesn't mean I have to love you. And yeah I do know what love is Brayden. Just because I don't go around throwing myself on to people like you do, doesn't mean I know nothing about love." The lump that had started to form got larger, and made my throat and head start to hurt. And I could feel the tears well up.

Before I could blurt anything else out to Brayden, I clicked the end button on my phone. Pressing down on the same button, I turned off my cellphone so I didn't have to talk to him anymore.

Grabbing my car keys, I walked out into the hot summer day with no destination to drive to. I just started the ignition and drove while listening to the radio.

No one else will have me, only you.