I Want To Love You

I was walking through the airport, my carry on slung over my bag and three people on either side of me. I wanted to do this; I didn’t want to do this. It was going to be hard but I could hardly go back now. My entire luggage on the plane, I might as well try it. We were all walking to the gate, coffee in hand. There wasn’t much in the shops around so we just got something from Costa and left for the gate.

We were all sitting on the seats, Me, Kirsten, Alex, Mason, Ant, Blake and Trace. My mum and dad were sitting somewhere else where there were seats. We were chatting casually; we had plenty of time to kill. I looked over to Trace who looked very sad. He had his hood up and was slouched in the seat. From what I could see his hair had not been done and his face was sodden in tears. I found it so hard not to start crying myself.

I looked down at my phone; it was twenty minutes till my flight was leaving. It might be a good idea to start my goodbyes now. I can have more time. I said good bye to my mum and dad first. They gave me the whole be safe lecture causing my mood to lighten a tad but apart from that it was a pretty painless to be honest.

I went to say bye to Ant next. I was hugging him for a few minutes. He was pretty cool about the whole thing. It was another pretty painless goodbye. So was the one to Blake. They were a couple of my best friends but I could talk to them fine. As long as I got a hug, I would be fine.

Next was Mason. This was slightly harder; he helped me through so much with the break up with Trace. I hugged him for ages, looked up and he scruffed up my hair. I shook my head out again and hit his head. We were laughing incredibly loudly.

“I’m going to miss you Sades. Keep in touch little one.”

“I will miss you too. Little one? You have another thing coming mate?” We laughed, hugged again and I went to Alex.

He had his arms wide open and I went straight into them. I was going to miss him so much. Including his cologne. It was so preppy, being Abercrombie and Fitch but it was really nice none the less. He kissed my head and played a bit with my hair until I looked up at him. I didn’t want to leave now. I had too many friends I was leaving behind.

“Please keep in touch Sades. I will be left on my own at Cambridge if you don’t.”

“I am going to Cambridge too you know.”

“In America you dumb arse.” I laughed and scruffed up his ‘perfectly scruffy’ hair. He slapped my hand gently and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t want to be let go of his grip it wasn’t time to go now.

I went over to Kirsten who I hugged and then just chatted with. It was the usual keep in touch. Come back for my twenty first and everything. I was really going to miss her. When i had my final hug with her I didn’t want to let go.

1. I was going to miss her
2. That meant Trace was the only one to say goodbye to left.

I did pull away from Kirsten eventually and Trace had stood up against the wall on the edge of the room. I went over to him; this was going to be an awkward goodbye. Walking over to him I could see him look up at me then go back to watching his shoes. He took his earphones out and left them dangling beside him. I just stood in front of him to start with.

“I guess I will see you again later. Well in a year maybe.” I nodded from under his hood and I looked down at my shoes. I didn’t want to say goodbye and this was making it worse, I didn’t want to say goodbye. In the end I just hugged him as tight to me as I possibly could. He took this as his cue to hug me. I felt the tears fall and I think I felt some on my head from Trace crying. It shouldn’t be this painful.

Trying as hard as I could I get a sentence out, even though I was crying, I managed to say it.

“I am going to miss you Trace.” I meant that with every part of my being. I was going to miss him, whether he believed it or not. I hugged him tighter to me. He kissed my head and held me close to him. I didn’t want him to let go.

“I will miss you too Sadie. I love you.” That made more tears fall and I tried to hold on tighter.

I was going to miss him. I loved him but it wasn’t going to work. Keeping him with me was just being selfish. He deserved to be single so he could be with whoever he wanted while I was studying.

“I love you too.” It was not hard at all to say that. I didn’t want to, it made the situation worse. We kept together until I overheard the speakers saying it was time to board. I nodded my head in recognition and looked up to Trace.

“I guess this is goodbye. Bye.” He looked straight at me, his eyes red. He caught some of the tears on my face and whispered to me.

“Goodbye Sadie.” I tried to smile the smallest bit. I let go of him, gave everyone else their last hugs until I boarded the plane. I tried to board without seeing Trace again. I needed to get on as painlessly as possible. That was surely the easiest way. I was walking to the line and the woman checked my boarding pass. Just as I was walking through I felt a hand grab me and pull me back. I was greeted with a tender, sweet kiss, electricity running straight through it. I let it run its course, which wasn’t long. I didn’t want it to end but knew it had to.

“Please, no.” Trace nodded. I waved bye to everyone and mouthed bye to Trace while walking towards the plane,.

That is when I knew I had completely broken Trace Cyrus’ heart.

And my own.