The Times We Felt Alive

After what seemed like hours to Madeline, All Time Low’s set ended and the boys left the stage after announcing that they would be out shortly.

“I’m not doing this,” said Madeline and began to walk away.

Lilly groaned and grabbed her friend’s arm. “Madds, please! You’re so close!”

Madeline, being the stubborn person she was, shook her head. “Fuck this, Lilly. I’m out of here. I don’t need him.”

Lilly sighed, letting go of Madeline’s arm, and watched as the girl walked away. If Madeline refused to cooperate, she would have to do things herself.

Lilly went outside and waited. It took quite a while for All Time Low to finish; they had a lot of fans waiting. Finally, after about an hour, she was the only one left. She stood up from her spot on the curb and walked over to where the boys were standing. Alex was off to the side, fingers attacking his iPhone.

“Hi, Alex,” she said, realizing that he would probably think she was nuts. “I'm Lilly. I swear I’m not crazy or anything, but there’s this… situation, I suppose, that you really need to know about,” she said. He raised his eyebrows. “Except I can’t be the one to tell you.”

“How am I supposed to find out, then?”

Shit, she thought. He’s never going to go for this.

Lilly sighed. “Well, my friend Madeline was supposed to explain everything, but she’s a coward and ran off. The only way to find out would be to get to her.”

Alex wondered what the fuck this girl was talking about. “So I’m supposed to go on a wild goose chase to find a stranger to tell me a situation?” She didn’t look like a crazy fan girl; she was his age, actually quite cute, and seemed relatively normal. The whole thing just struck him as odd.

“Not exactly,” she said hesitantly. “I’ll find out where she is; most likely at a Starbucks.” His face was still disbelieving. “Listen,” she said exasperatedly. “It’s something that took place with you on Warped Tour 2007 and you really should know about this.”

“Fuck, do I have an STD?” he asked, panicked.

Lilly burst out laughing. “No!” she said.

He sighed. “I’m feeling adventurous, I guess,” Alex said finally. “Lead me to her. If this is a scam I’ll be pretty pissed.”

“Excellent,” she said and smiled. “I promise you it is not.”

In the meantime, Madeline had found her way to a Starbucks. She sat at a table, drinking a latte and eating a muffin, when her phone on the table vibrated.

Where the hell are you?

Starbucks on 5th and Main, she replied. Hurry up, I just want to go home.

Don’t worry, I’ll be there soon. ;]

Madeline happened to look out the large window as she saw the distant frame of Lilly and some guy walking beside her. Madeline stared in disbelief for a few seconds, her eyes widening in terror. “The fucker!” she hissed, stood up, and went into the bathroom.

Lilly and Alex entered the coffee shop; Lilly sighed. “She must be hiding,” she said.

“How the hell do you even know she’s actually here?” asked Alex, growing annoyed. He was starting to think this girl was insane.

She nodded toward the table with the half-eaten muffin and latte cup. “That’s what she always gets when she comes to Starbucks,” said Lilly. “Here, sit down at the table and I’ll drag her out here.”

Lilly marched into the bathroom, where Madeline was in a stall, sitting on the cover of the toilet seat.

“Madeline Jane, get your ass out here right now,” Lilly demanded.

“How the fuck did you even get him here?!”

“Because I’m magic,” said Lilly. “You might as well get out here; you can’t hide in a bathroom for your whole life, and Alex isn’t leaving." This was actually a bluff - truthfully, Lilly was afraid that Alex would become too impatient and get up and leave. Lilly couldn’t say she would blame him.

After a pause, the stall door opened and out walked an irritated-looking Madeline.

“You’ll be lucky if I ever talk to you again, you know that?” she snapped, walked past her, and exited the bathroom. She walked back to her table and saw a bored-looking Alex, once again with his phone in front of him. He looked up and smiled, relieved that Lilly hadn’t made the entire thing up.

“Hi, I’m Alex,” he said politely and stuck out his hand.

Madeline sighed. “I know who you are,” she said quietly.

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed. “So, do you actually have a ‘situation’-” he used air quotes, “- to tell me about?”

“Yeah, I suppose I do.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Well, then?”

Madeline looked around nervously. “Um, do you mind if we go walk somewhere? This is kind of public.”

Alex knew it was completely foolish to walk off with a complete stranger, but for some reason he had a sense of familiarity from this girl. Besides, what could she do to him? She looked way too nervous to be planning anything harmful anyway.

“Sure, I guess.”

Madeline looked at Lilly. “Um, I’ll talk to you later?”

“Bye, honey.”

Madeline picked up her half-drank latte and began walking behind Alex, who held the door open for her. She uttered a quiet “Thanks” and continued walking.

The two finally stopped at a small park and sat down on a bench.

“I don’t suppose you remember me, do you?”

Alex scratched his head. “Should I?”

Madeline half-smiled. “No, I didn’t expect you to.”

He sat there patiently, waiting for the girl to go on. She eventually did.

“It was Warped Tour, 2007. I’d imagine you can sort of guess what happened.”

Alex looked at her. “Did we…?”

She nodded.

“Listen, I’m really sorry if I was a dick,” he said automatically.

Madeline shook her head. “No, no, it’s not that. Well, I guess partly, but that’s not the issue.”

“Then what is?” he asked.

Madeline paused. “Well, the thing is, a few weeks later…” She swallowed and muttered inaudibly, “I found out I was pregnant.”

“Sorry, pardon?” asked Alex, leaning in a little closer.

“I was pregnant,” she repeated, a bit louder this time.

Alex stared at Madeline for a long time, and blinked. “You’re joking, right?”

She shook her head and pulled out her phone, finding a picture of Ava and handed it to Alex. His eyes met the screen and it was like having a miniature version of his face staring back at him.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered.

Madeline smiled slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, a hurt expression forming on his face.

“I couldn’t handle you leaving me again, Alex.”

This really hurt him. “I’m not that kind of guy, Madeline.”

“Well Alex, what the fuck did you want me to think?!” she asked, her voice raising. “You left me that next morning - can you blame me?”

“Madeline,” he said, an indescribable look in his eyes, “I fucked up, okay? But for you to honestly think that I would knowingly abandon my daughter and her mother…”

The two sat in silence for quite a while. “So, what now?” asked Madeline quietly.

“Well, I want to be a part of her life,” said Alex simply.

“See, there’s the problem,” said Madeline. “You’re in a band, you tour. I’m not in any way trying to take that away from you; I’m sure you’ve worked very hard to get where you are. But where would Ava fit into all of this?”

“We have breaks between tours,” Alex said. “I’m guessing you live in Baltimore?” She nodded. “I live in Towson,” he continued. “I mean, I realize that I wouldn’t see her as much as a dad with a normal, steady job, but it would be a hell of a lot more than she’s seen me thus far.”

Madeline wanted to believe Alex, she really did. But, for some reason, she had a feeling in the back of her mind that things wouldn’t turn out quite as well as he was hoping.