I wake up early in the morning, with a cold feeling. It feels as if something’s wrong. But when I roll over and look at your sleeping form, I forget about the feeling and get out of bed. You look so beautiful and peaceful when you’re sleeping, so I decide not to wake you up.

When I make my way towards the kitchen, to prepare breakfast for us, the cold feeling returns. A shiver runs down my spine, together with a dizzy feeling in my head and I have to sit down for a few minutes, because I’m scared that I might faint. Something is terribly wrong, I’m sure of it. The first thing that comes in my mind is you. You mean the world to me and I wouldn’t know what to do without you. But you’re upstairs, safe in our bed. It must be something else.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a few seconds, before I get back up. While I’m making breakfast for us, I try to shake off the feeling, but it won’t go away. In contrary, it only gets worse. A sickening, nauseous feeling is starting to spread in my stomach now, and before I can finish preparing our breakfast, I have to run off towards the toilet and throw up.

When the heaving finally stops, I stumble back into our bedroom and curl up next to you. As I put an arm around your body, another shiver creeps up my spine. You feel so cold. “Ryan?” I whisper, gently shaking your body. Fear and panic immediately overtake me when you won’t open your eyes. You’re a light sleeper. Normally it only takes a few seconds to wake you up. Now, I’m shaking your body and calling out your name and you still won’t wake up.

“Ryan, please wake up,” I cry, but I know that you will never open those beautiful eyes of yours again. I stop shaking your body and curl up into a little ball, resting my head on your chest. The normal rise and fall of your chest is no longer there and I can’t hear your heartbeat either. Your lips are turning slightly blue and your body feels so cold.

“I love you,” I whisper, salty tears leaking from my eyes. And I swear that a split second later, I hear you repeat my words. But it must have been my imagination, because you’re no longer here…