Never Again

With the phone pressed gently against my ear, I waited and listened to the continuous beeps of the dialling tone. I bit my lip in anticipation, waving my free hand in the air, silently requesting Jennifer to see to the customer that had entered the boutique. After receiving Nick’s message, I hastily called him.

“Rose,” Nick greeted, answering his phone on the twenty-fifth ring. “Finally.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to pi-,” I stalled and shook my head, changing the subject, “Never mind. What do you mean Joe’s missing?” Loose curls fell from the messy bun I’d bestowed upon my head that morning. I shook them away, waiting for Nick’s answer.

“I mean he’s not here, Rose. He’s gone. Mom’s called him a hundred times, he’s not picking up. We checked the hotel, he’s not there. His phone’s switched off,” I could hear muffled voices in the background, catching Denise’s worried inflection. “I thought maybe he’d be with you.”

“No. No he’s not with me,” I repeated, feeling a slight worry ebb its way into my brain. “Why would he be? Have you tried Taylor?”

“Trust me,” muttered Nick darkly down the line. “He won’t be with Taylor.” I imagined the youngest band member’s face, his lips curling into a snarl that only appeared when the camera’s were switched off, a face Nick pulled when he was truly aggravated. “If you hear from him you’ll let me know. My phone’s gonna be on all day. We have a show to do tonight and an interview in two hours on the other side of the city. Promise?”

“Double-promise,” I assured him quickly. “But I don’t think Joe’s going to come find me. He’s in New York, Nick. He could be anywhere. But,” I added carefully, not wanting to cause more of a panic. “This is Joe. He used to wander off before, remember? He’ll come back.”

Nick’s voice broke. “It’s just… you should’ve seen him last night, Rose. He came in my room at like three in the morning, just wanting to talk. My sugar was a little low so it wasn’t the best of times, y’know? I don’t want to thi-”

“I’m sure that’s not it, Nick. Joe loves you. You love Joe. You’re brothers,” I stressed, aware of Jennifer eavesdropping. I lowered my voice. “Everything’s going to be fine. Check your sugar. Ask around. I’ll…” I sighed, silently committing myself to the Joe Jonas search party. Even though we weren’t on the best of terms, and after everything we’d been through, I couldn’t help but worry. My stomach was doing flips. “I’ll do the same,” I finished lamely.

“Thank you. And I will. Double-promise you.”

“Bye Nick.”

“Yeah, bye Rose.”

Clicking ‘end call’ I sighed and massaged my temples. I grabbed my keys from the counter and my chiffon purse. “Jenn, you’re in charge.” I told the girl, nodding at her. Her eyes widened and she shook her head,

“What?”

“I trust you,” I told her firmly, sending her a smile. “I have something to do.” And with my gut feeling I wrenched open the door and left, immersing myself in the New York people traffic. Weaving and out of the crowds, I sighed, knowing I’d never find him in the midst of all these people. I snapped my Blackberry from my pocket and dialled Kellan, apologising for the rain check on dinner. I explained that I had a minor family problem and told him not to worry. With one last glance at the West Side of 76th street, I headed towards Times Square.

It was nearing eight o’clock in the evening and Joe was still listed as MIA. I dodged a few of the reps of the local Broadway comedy club, ignoring their plea to accommodate the many tourists that mulled the hectic, packed streets. It was times like these that I hated the city. I remembered coming to the city that never sleeps back in 7th grade on a field trip. Our New Jersey middle school wasn’t the trendiest or the most regal, but a trip to the city had had us all excited and jittery. Naturally, Joe and I had sat next to one another on the bus, talking animatedly. And the memory flashed in my mind.

“I’m so stoked!” Joe pumped his fist in the air, grinning at me. His short, raven hair was spiked and messy, covered in thick, gooey styling gel. He drummed his fingers on the seat in front of him, receiving an agitated look from Lucy Summerson.

“Why?” I frowned. “It’s not like we’ve been not there before.”

Joe glanced at me. “Duh, Rose. But it’s different. When Mom took us we went in day, remember?”

“And?”

“It’s dark. We’re gonna see the lights! We’re gonna see New York’s lights!”

And, pulling myself from the memory, I wondered how I couldn’t have realised it before. Standing tall and proud was the building that Joe spoke of. The Empire State. Digging into my purse I pulled out the standard $20 charge and took off towards the building, paying the woman, ignoring the offer of the magical NYC flight ride and took to the elevators, joining some Japanese tourists who yapped animatedly. As the elevator reached the 86th floor, I jumped out, dodging the tourists and stopped abruptly.

Joe stood with his back to me, dressed in a plain back jacket and jeans. His hair was curled and windswept. He stood tall yet somewhat hunched. Taking a step towards him I cleared my throat. Joe turned around, unsurprised to see me there. “You read it.” He commented, raising his brows. “I didn’t think you would.”

“Read what?”

Joe frowned. “The letter I left you this morning. Asking you to meet me here at six. I didn’t think you’d show… but I waited.” He whispered so softly I had trouble hearing him.

“Joe… I never read the letter.”

His frown deepened. “But… you’re here. How did you…”

I gave him a minute half-smile. “I have a good memory.”

Joe laughed and it carried with the wind. “I need to do something.” He murmured, walking away, outside on to the deck. I watched him with mild curiosity before following. He stood at the railings, daintily poking his hand through the bars. “Here.” He said to himself, pulling something out of his pocket. With a surprised look, I noted that it was his engagement ring. Surprising me once more, Joe let it go and watched it fall to the floor, the silver glinting in the light until it extinguished like a lamp or a fire. And, slowly, almost afraid, Joe looked me in the eyes. “I love you, Rose.” And he swallowed, his throat tightening. “But I think that… it’s finally time to let you go.”

I stared. A course of emotions rushed through me and despite myself, I felt my heart clenching. “What?”

Joe stared at the floor. “I’m letting you go.” He stepped forward, hesitating. He rested his forehead against mine, and he appeared to be debating with himself. With a single sigh, he closed his eyes and pulled away. “I won’t bother you any more. I promise you.” And, with his hands in his pockets, Joe Jonas walked away from me.

And even though I felt my heart crack at his words…

I let him go.