It Was Never Supposed to Be Easy

I stumbled away from the bookshelves, scrambling for my things, leaving the books heaped where I had dropped them. The library was dark except for a single light, alone, near the door.
I was terrified, to put it plainly.
Here I was, almost the victim of a rape and my attacker was no where to be seen. He could be here, still. Malfoy had said he had been watching me.
Just remembering that set me at a sprint for the heavy doors. I was running, my bag swinging wildly behind me and I was so afraid of the shadows coming after me. So afraid of another swooping kiss, another whispered promise. Another...something. I was so afraid. I had never been so afraid. Not even when...when all that had happened had been happening had I ever been this terrified.

I ran all the way to the common room, barely breathing, losing quills, ink, papers out of my open bag. I didn't care. All I knew was that Malfoy was no where near here...or at least I couldn't see him.
And right now, that was all that mattered.
I burst into the common room, undoubtably looking a horror. A few first years glanced up at me from their place by the door. I ignored there eager looks for attention and hurried to the stairs that would lead to my bedroom.

"Hermione!" I heard the familiar voice of Ron Weasley shouting across the room.
I stopped by habit and glanced over to where he and the dark haired Harry sat, leaning over a pile of parchment and broken quills.
"C'mere!" Ron said, gesturing wildly, like he was drowning or something that needed equally wild movements.
I paused and looked at the stairs that would lead me to my room. The room that would be so silent that I would not be able to block out thoughts.
I decided that the ever annoying pleas for help with homework would be much, much safer.

"Yes, Ron?" I asked, sighing for good measure as I sank into the sofa next to Harry.
He shoved a crumbled piece of parchement at me and looked at me expectantly. I glanced at the page, it was covered in a scribble-scrabble of something that could pass for the Transfiguration assignment that was due last week. Key word: could. This was horrible. Would the boy ever learn the meaning of the word spelling?
I set my things down and pulled the quill from Ron's hands (which were covered in ink) and began my corrections. Next to me, Harry was fidgeting, looking over the room. Obviously impatient for God only knows what to come through the portrait door. He was tapping his foot, up and down, to an imaginary beat. A very annoying imaginary beat.
Without thinking I reached out and grabbed his leg, stopping the frantic bouncing. I could see Ron's eyes narrow at the touch and I felt a blush crawl over my cheeks. Lately, there has been so much tension between our group. Ron, was taking everything the wrong way and even Harry had been sharper then usual with me.
It was really quite hurtful.
I could say that boys will be boys, but there really was no excuse. I quickly let go of Harry and turned back to Ron's papers.
I feigned interest in making random corrections, although, I'm pretty sure I didn't get half of them and then I sat with the two boys as they made ridiculous conversation about the latest Hogwarts gossip. I wasn't really listening and then a name caught my attention.

"...and Malfoy apparently was really mean about it too." Ron had just finished saying.
"Well, he IS a slimy git." replied Harry, smiling.
"What?" I interruped. Their eyes turned to me and I was locked in the accusing gaze that boys get when you haven't paid then the attention they feel they deserve.
"Haven't you been listening?" asked Ron.
"Uh...well, I missed that last past, what was it?" I asked.
Harry piped up this time, "Malfoy's breaking hearts again."
Ron snorted, "Again? It's Pansy Parkinson, that's the only girlfriend he's ever had."
I stood abruptly, "I'm off to bed." I said, gathering my things. I didn't want to hear about Malfoy. At all. Ever.
"Are you all right?" said Harry, standing with me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him reach for my shoulder. I pulled away quickly, not wanting to be touched. His hand fell to his side and Ron stood as well.
"Yes, yes. I'm just tired. So I'm going to bed. Ok?" I said. It was rather rude, I know.

In my own bed, a half hour later, I tried to stay away from all of these thoughts. So not only was it a blatant attack designed to frighten me and probably egg Harry and Ron into doing something stupid, it was a rebound as well.
Well...I waited for my brain to come up with a snarky comment. It didn't.

Somewhere though, the voice I had always associated with reason, came to life with a simple whisper,
"Ow."
I turned over in my bed and waited for sleep to come and claim me. I waited for something. I waited and I waited. But that night, I didn't fall asleep until after the moon had long sunk past the mountains. I laid in my bed and I waited for sleep and deep in my heart the voice of reason continued to cry the tears I was ashamed of, and it continued to whisper, ow.

......................................................................................................................................................................

The next morning not only did I wake up late I very nearly missed breakfast. I rushed around the room, unnaturally aware of the fact that once again, I was alone in the room. Lately, (lately meaning as of last night) I hated being alone.

I made it downstairs for breakfast just as the majority of the other students were heading out. I walked into the Great Hall and scanned the room, looking for a friendly face. At the Gryffindor table Harry sat with Ginny, heads close, leaning over a piece of paper. As I approached I could barely make out what they were whispering,

"...your best friend."
Harry was shaking his head and reached out to Ginny, touching her hair gently.
"...awkward...what did he say?" I strained to hear the entire sentance but just as I thought I was close ehough, Ginny turned around.

"Hi Hermione!" She said, grinning.
I nodded and sat across from them. What were they talking about?
"What's going on?" I asked.
Ginny shrugged, "Ron, as usual, is being a drama king." she said, buttering a slice of bread.
Harry was watching me closely, "Did you get in a fight?" he asked.
I started at the question. Harry was actually asking for my side of the story? What a change for once.
"Not that I know of." I replied. Harry nodded, looking at me strangly and then he leaned forward and whispered,
"Why is Malfoy staring at you?"
As slick as he had been I couldn't be. I jumped half a mile and turned towards the Slytherin table, where, sure enough, Malfoy was watching me blankly.
I returned his gaze, angry that he made me feel so afraid and he smiled at me. A slow, lazy smile.
I felt the fear in my stomach again and I turned back around.
"I haven't got a clue." I said, lightly.
Harry watched me and then he blurted out, "Really? Care to explain this then...tell her Ginny!"
Ginny looked at me, ashamed.
"Last night...Well, last night, I was walking past the library and I glanced in because it was open so late and..." She trailed off.
Oh. My. God. This cannot be happening.
"You were kissing MALFOY?" Harry interrupted, whispering venemously.

Oh. My. God.
I turned to look at the Slytherin table again. Malfoy was gone, leaving the Slytherin table empty. When I turned back to my own table I saw that mine too, was also empty.

And I was alone. Again.