It Was Never Supposed to Be Easy



All around me was a bright and shimmering light. A light pressure on my temple reminded me of Auntie Muriel’s goblin wrought tiara. Flower petals dripped down my hair, loaning me their fragrance, a simple and perfect scent. I could feel my hair, finally sleek and shiny, around my shoulders, brushing the skin like feathers.

I stood alone, the room filled with the light, reflecting off of my skin and my gown. I could hear a slow, soft murmur of water, like a fountain, mixed with a deeper echo of voices. I bent my head, looking at the swirling skirt of my wedding dress, the shining glimmer of my glass slippers. I smiled, I had made the mistake of telling Ron my favorite childhood tale, and he had gone to Harry, who had gotten them for me. I doubt even Cinderella felt so beautiful.

There was a light tap on the door, and I answered without turning. I heard the door click open and then a gentle patter of footsteps as someone entered.

“I’ve come to say goodbye.” came the gentle whisper of Draco Malfoy.

I spun, nearly tripping over the train of my gown. He was taller, paler, and more somber than when I had seen him last, walking away from me.

“We thought you were gone for good!” I cried, running to him. “You just…disappeared!”

He nodded, not returning my smile, “I came to say goodbye.” He repeated softly.

“Where…are you going?”

He shrugged, sending a swift bite of cologne on the breeze that swept through the room,

“It hardly matters now.”


He looked at me, from feet to crown, his eyes taking me in, as if I was a painting. As if I was a prize he had lost by some foolish mistake of his own.

“I wish you much luck in your marriage.” He said formally.

“Oh…Draco.” I whispered, turning so that he could not see my suddenly tearing eyes.

He was silent, and then his pale fingers were on my shoulders, on my neck, gripping it firmly like he always had. A white finger caressed my cheek, sank into my hair, tugging gently. I turned my head, only to feel his hand spin me to face his own smiling face.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered, leaning close to me, so close to me. I felt my heart race like only Draco could make it race. It had been so long. So long, since I had spoken to him, stood like this with him. It had been so long since Draco had been mine, and only mine. I had never understood why I could never be wholly his.

I only smiled, unsure of what to say.

He sighed and leaned closer, leaning his warm forehead on mine, like he had when we were 17 and still at Hogwarts.

“Draco?” I whispered.


There was another pause, and as we stood in the warm sunshine, foreheads touching, a strange, stray thought drifted across the part of my mind that still loved Draco.

He sighed, the rush of air spilling across my cheeks and brushing against my shoulders. I felt my eyes close at the touch and suddenly, I was not Hermione of Now, I was the Hermione of Then.

“Hermione.” He said again, roughly this time. His fingers forced my head up, so that we were gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Hermione, I have never forgiven myself for what I did. The betrayal I served to you.”

“Draco…it doesn’t matter.” I said, soothingly.

“It does! What if you had died? At night, in my dreams, you are dead! You’re dressed all in white and you float towards me, and then you’re gone, and I am alone. I have been alone for so long. Hermione! Hermione, I loved you. Please, believe me when I tell you it was for my father, for my family. I never, ever would’ve betrayed you had I not had a debt to pay elsewhere.”

“You and I loved each other.” I said softly.

“Hermione…not a day has gone by that I have not loved you.”

“Oh…God, Draco…” I said in voice so hoarse. Suddenly, this gown was not for me, the crown pulling me into a world I did not deserve. I didn’t deserve the love of Ron Weasley, not with this still in my heart, a stain on my conscience.

“No.” he said, and then he was across the room, staring out the open window to where we could see the wedding party gathering. They would be waiting for me; the call for me in my shimmering gown would be soon, much too soon.

“No?” I asked, confused.

“You’ll not come with me.”

“What? Then why are you here if it isn’t to save us!” I shrieked. “I love Ron, I do, but Draco, you can not pretend that you’re here to only say goodbye! Ron and I have a safe love, a sensible, good love. But you and I…you cannot pretend.”

He sighed, and I watched his chest rise and fall. I wanted to be pressed against him; I wanted him to hold me like he always had before.

“No, you need that safe love. I can never give you that. I’m in hiding; the followers of the fallen Lord are still out and about and full of hate. I can never ask that of you.”

“I don’t care.” I said stubbornly. If only he would just say it!

He turned to me, his hand reaching for me, and I half fell into his open arms.

“Hermione, when this is over, you will be safe. Your children will be safe; you will be loved in a way that I could never love you. I will not let you leave that life.”

“It’s my life!”

“I will not ask it.”

And then, the world was bright again. I was standing in front of him, and I was wearing all white, with flowers in my hair.


“I know your answer.”


“Hermione, I just wanted to see you before you became his. For a minute, I still wanted you to be mine. But that moment is over, and you…they are calling your name, can you hear?”

I strained, and sure enough, the soft music was playing, the feet of my bridesmaid and the gentle steps of the best man were coming up the stone stairs, the rustle of her gowns loud in the summer air.

His kiss, the last kiss, when it came, was soft. It was not the kiss we had once shared, crammed against the library shelves; it was not the kiss of strangers we had felt underneath the trees…

It was a summer kiss, the kiss at the end of the summer, at the last fall of the sun, when the trees are no longer a pure, silk green, but a green and gold of heaven.

And then he was gone. I barely had the time to lean out the open window to watch him whip around the corner and then he was gone, and it was the door behind me that I heard.

“Hermione?” Ginny asked. “They’re ready!”

I turned. Ginny and Harry stood in the room, beaming at me. Harry offered his arm, and I took it, remembering the boy that had saved us all. He led me down the steps, Ginny a step in front of us, and then we were bathed in the golden sun of summer.


Ron waited for me, his red hair shining, and his smile worth the crack I felt in my heart. I felt my own lips curve, the smile that I could only smile for Ron. When he took my hand, it was steady. I remembered the week in St. Mungo’s. I remembered falling in love with him all over. I remembered the golden bubble that had held the ring he had given me. I remembered our first kiss, so different from another kiss I had once shared.

Far off in the distance, I thought I saw a man, a tall shape against the bright sky.

Ron was smiling as he kissed me into a new way of life, and I could not help but smile back.


Later, as I look back on my life, I know that Draco made the right choice. He was a smart boy, even if he did make foolish choices. He defeated the Dark Lord, although we tried to save his own life by denying he was there. I do not know where he is, and sometimes, I think I see him, a face in the crowd around me. Ron, I think knows a part of me will always love Draco, and Ron, bless him, in his steadfast love, has never held it against me. Our children are beautiful, strong and clever, and when they bring me flowers from the fields, I do not think of the wedding blossom I saw Draco take from my hair. It is no longer the rushed, careless love of youth that I crave. Instead my heart is taken by a stronger, deeper love. A love only one person could give me. Ron sits by my bed at night, and he reads me the stories that I love, as only he would do. He watches me sleep, and when I am racked by coughing he kisses my hair and holds my hand. It is an uphill battle we climb, and I will not live, but when Death finally comes for me, it is not Draco that I will wait for at the Gates.

Finally, finally, after all the years of waiting, it is just me, and Ron.


So, it's over.
And, I feel all sad now. Gosh.
Thankyou so much for reading and all the lovely comments. I truly am grateful to each of my subscribers, and all of my readers.

A few of you have asked if I am going to write another HP fanfic and the answer is yes, yes I am. I think it's going to be a look into the mad mind of our dear Tom Riddle. If you'd like to be PM'd when it's up, let me know. I'll be sure to tell you.

So for the last time, magical cookies and a nice glass of pumpkin juice to you all.