It Was Never Supposed to Be Easy

Maybe it was because I kissed him first, maybe it was because I wasn’t terrified of being raped in an empty library. Whatever the reason, this kiss was different. It wasn’t a passionate, sloppy kiss or even a light, butterfly kiss. It was a kiss between strangers. It was a kiss full of confusion and hurt, premature trust and secrets still untold. I kissed Draco Malfoy underneath that tree and then I kissed him some more. I felt him kiss me back, slowly at first, almost like he was surprised and then he sat up slowly, so that I wasn’t leaning over him and deepened the kiss. His pale hands reached for my face, one of them, sliding down to rest at the base of my neck. I could feel, all around us, the air. It had somehow grown hotter, thicker. Almost like it was going to rain, even though there were only a handful of clouds in the sky. His hands were burning even though they were ice cold and I wanted to kiss him all day. I felt so unlike myself. Never had I jumped without looking. Never before had I wandered into something I might not be able to get myself out of. It was so easy to face an army of evil men, but that was nothing compared to this. I could feel the butterflies swarming in my stomach and I my heart was pounding in a way that couldn’t be healthy. I could barely hear the footsteps behind me growing closer.

The footsteps behind me, growing closer.

Suddenly realizing that that it was no longer a party of two, I wrenched myself away. I turned, looking behind me and came face to face with a pair of knees.

Hagrid’s knees.

“Hermione?”

“Oh, my goodness. Hagrid. You scared me!”

I was very aware of Draco and I was extremely aware that Hagrid was staring at him like he was preparing to attack.

“Wha’ are ya two doin’?”

I rummaged my brain for an answer that would explain why I was kissing the sworn enemy of my two best friends. An excuse for why I was kissing, quite possibly, the most hated boy at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

“Oh, we were…we were…”

Nothing. My brain, like the rest of my body these past few days, had failed me.

“Ya were kissin’ Draco Malfoy, that’s what ya were doin’!” he said. He reached down and grabbed me by the collar of my robes and hoisted me up.

“Hagrid!”

Behind me I could hear Draco rise from his place at the tree.

“What do you think you are doing?” he said angrily. “Get your hands off of her!”

Hagrid stopped at that and spun around to face him, dropping my robes in the process.

“Now, you listen here Malfoy. I don’t care what Professor McGonagall said. I still don’t forgive you, no matter how ya’ve repented and cried. That codswallop don’ work on me and if it was up to me, you wouldn’t be allowed any where near Hogwarts!” Hagrid shouted.

Surprisingly, Draco stood his ground. “But it’s not up to you.” He said, quietly.

Hagrid stared at him for another moment and then turned to leave dragging me with him. I twisted in his hold but Hagrid’s grip remained firm. I could just make out Draco, still by the tree, watching me get hauled off.

Hagrid’s hut was even more run down then usual. It looked as though it hadn’t been occupied in a long time and it probably hadn’t. When Hagrid was on orders from the Order of the Phoenix, he probably didn’t get much time to sit at home and clean house.

Hagrid opened his door and motioned for me to step inside. I did, and stood awkwardly by the armchair, unsure of what was about to happen. Hagrid shut the door, and looked at me.

“Sit down.” He said.

“I...I’d rather stand if it’s all right.”

“Suit yerself, but we have a lot of talkin’ to be done. Ya might as well make yerself comfortable.”

I hesitated and then walked over to his kitchen table and sat gingerly on the edge of my seat.

“Now, what do ya thing yer doing, kissing Draco Malfoy?”

I sighed heavily and then looked away from Hagrid and out the window.

“Hagrid, don’t you think that’s between Draco and me?”

“No. He tried to kill Dumbledore!”

“But he didn’t Hagrid. He’s not a bad person; he’s just been in bad situations. It’s not his fault…”

Here, Hagrid interrupted me.

“Of course it’s his fault. The lil’ bugger didn’t have to take the Mark. He didn’t have to do what he did!”

“Hagrid, you don’t understand!”

“And what abou’ Ron?” he asked suddenly, “Or did you forget abou’ yer best friend?”

“What goes on between me and Ron isn’t anybody’s business.” I replied.

Hagrid looked at me, falling quiet for a minute. Then he turned to his stove and began pushing a teakettle onto the burner.

“No, nah, I suppose it’s not, but Hermione, he’s yer friend, I am yer friend. We worry abou’ ya. That is our job. And if yer doin’ something harmful to yerself then we have the right to say as much to ya.”

“I can take care of myself Hagrid.” I said quietly, rising to leave.

He turned to look at me sadly, “We all need help sometimes Hermione. He’s na’ the sort to be messing with. Look at wha’ he’s done to ya in the past!”

I felt my face change into a mask of hard pride, “He’s changed Hagrid. He is sad and lonely. I’m not going to leave him just because you don’t like him.”

And with that I crossed the room, wrenched the door open and made my way into the bright sunlight.

‘I’m not a little girl’ I thought. ‘I can take care of myself. No one understands him. I don’t know why I feel like this, but I do. And that’s all that matters. If I can forgive him, then everyone else should too, and all should be forgotten.”

I marched my way back up to the castle and stormed my way inside. A startled looking bunch of Ravenclaw students stared at me as I made my way up the huge staircase. I didn’t care. The time for me caring what other people thought was long over. It was time for me to do what I wanted to do.

I wasn’t going to be anybody’s doormat anymore.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

I made my way to the Gryffindor common room; I had about a half-hour before my afternoon classes would start. The room was nearly empty, nearly empty except for the two people in the world I was least happy to see.

Harry and Ron sat in two chairs by the open window and both were staring at me. I took a deep breath and marched over there. I had faced Death Eaters, and now I was taking my life into my hands. I was not going to put up with anyone’s crap. Anymore.

“Harry, Ron, you will talk to me and you will listen to what I have to say. I cannot believe that after all that we have been through that you would desert me like this. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings and I’m sorry that you don’t approve. But we’ve been over this time and time again. I am my own person and I will date whomever I choose. I dated Krum and you didn’t like it, well, did I stop because of you? No!”

Harry stood at that, “This is different, this is Malfoy, and he’s never once been nice to you. Never in all the years he has known you, he has never once, said anything or done anything nice that would even make me consider him as a decent human being.”

“He’s changed! Harry, he’s not the same!”

“He’s a DEATHEATER Hermione. And they can’t change. Once they’re in, they are in for life. How do you know this isn’t a trick! How do you know that he’s not trying to get close to you so that he can kidnap you and use you as bait?”

“Like they did with Sirius?” I replied nastily.

As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Sirius was the only person that Harry had ever trusted as a parent, and I knew that he still hadn’t forgiven himself for Sirius’s death.

“Hermione!” said Ron, breaking his silence.

“It’s true!” I said, crying now. “Harry, that may have seemed like a low blow, but you know it’s true! Everything isn’t always about the war! Just because you see the Dark Lord wherever you go, doesn’t mean the rest of us do! He likes me Harry. He likes me! And if I like him enough to kiss him, then it’s none of your business.”

Harry looked at me, disbelief written all over his chalk-white face. He looked ready to pass out, ready to throw up. He sat and looked out the window. Ron put a hand on Harry’s shoulder and then looked up at me.

“We’re just worried. We think you’re making a mistake and we don’t want to clean up after it, that’s all. We don’t want it to happen again. That’s all we’re worried about.”

“Well, don’t worry.”

“You’re making the biggest mistake of your like Hermione!” he said angrily.

“Oh, yea. Well here’s your mistake Ronald Weasley, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, the next time you decide I’m the girl of your dreams, make sure someone else doesn’t get their first.”
With that I stomped out of the Common Room and into the seventh year girl’s room. It was thankfully empty. I shut the door slowly and then I went to my bed near the window. I sat on the edge of my bed. I had successfully alienated everyone around me. And all for a boy I hardly knew. Just last week I had loathed everything about him, and now I was fighting for him.

“Someone has too.” I murmured to the dusty air.

Then I laid on my pillow, my back to the door, and cried myself to sleep. Afternoon classes was now the least of my worries.

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Sorry the updates keep happening so close together and they keep getting longer and longer. But I'm on summer break and I have nothing to do so....