It Was Never Supposed to Be Easy

Snowy Goodbye

Standing alone near the lake one afternoon after classes I reflected on just how fast my final year at Hogwarts had gone. It was nearly Christmas and the school grounds were slick with ice and snow. The lake was frozen, but not solid; you could see the water rushing below and sometimes the squid or Moaning Myrtle float by.

I wondered what the mermaids did when their lake began to freeze. They could hardly fly south. Maybe they hibernated? But no, I had never heard of that either. Nor had I ever heard a name for this ocean-sized lake. Not even in ‘Hogwarts, a History’. Odd really, a lake this huge, not having a name.

“I wonder if it could be as lonely as me.” I said, watching clouds of my breath blur the frozen blue sky.

Yes, I had Draco. He was wonderful. Everything a girl could ask for. He was handsome, attentive, clever and smart. He was, perfect. But like they say in those mystery stories my Dad consumed, he was too perfect. Ever since his life-change, he was all of the things he had never been. It was almost like he had been cast under a spell, or slipped a mind-altering potion.

I giggled at the idea of the spell or potion wearing off and the old Draco Malfoy realizing that he was not only dating a muggle-born, he was dating an old enemy.

But no, I doubted that too.

A crunch of footsteps pulled me out of my musings and I turned to see who my company was.

It was not Draco, as I half expected, it was Ron.

It was Ron and Harry, accompanied by Ginny, Neville and Luna. They were walking with their heads bent against the gust of ice that had suddenly sprung into action and as they reached me, they didn’t lift their heads at first. They seemed to be glancing at each other under lowered lashes and I stood in front of them, waiting for one to speak. It seemed, at long last, that Harry had been voted speaker.

“Hermione, we’ve come to say goodbye.” He said quietly, looking at me at last.

“Goodbye?” I asked. “Where are you going?”

Harry sighed and looked up at the sky, watching it as I had done on that day with Ron. As if the sky could make this mess any easier.

“Hermione, we came to Hogwarts for a purpose. To find out more information about Voldemort and the Horcruxes. You know that. We, or rather, I only came here because the Order asked me too. Lupin, at least, seemed to think that we would be safe here at Hogwarts while I gathered more information to fight. Well, now it’s time to go. We, we’ve decided that it’s time we head out to, to…well, other places and see if we can win this thing.”

I felt the twinge of hurt as I realized, Harry was not going to tell me where he and our friends, his friends, were off too. He no longer trusted me.

“Where will you go?” I asked, hoping that he would tell me. Hoping that I was wrong.

I saw him and Ron exchange glances and Neville nudge Luna with his elbow.

Nobody said anything for a long moment, and then it was Ron who spoke up.

“We can’t tell you Hermione, it’s too dangerous. Not with you dating a Death Eater.”

His tone was kind but his words were harsh. They cut me straight to the heart. I could feel my eyes welling up, and then without warning, they were spilling over. I began crying, so hard. Here were my friends, the closest ones I had ever had, and they hadn’t spoken to me in months, and now, now they were not only leaving me to go on a journey that I had once sworn to finish, they were claiming that I was no longer to be trusted.

Ginny stepped forward now and with harsher words than I imagined her to be capable of she said,

“Don’t act so surprised Hermione. You must’ve seen this coming. The battle doesn’t end just because you left it.”

Harry pulled Ginny back behind him and I saw Ron give her a glance.

I began crying harder. They were right. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have trusted me either. I might not have even thought to say goodbye. I would’ve just left. That’s what happens to people who betray. They, eventually, get left behind, and it’s the heroes that continue.

Suddenly, thin arms wrapped themselves around me. I opened my eyes to a cloud full of blonde hair and I realized. It was Luna; Luna was hugging me, comforting me.

“There, there.” She said. “I’m sure that you’re all right, but this is just something that needs to happen. You understand don’t you?”

Her arms were strong around me and even though I could feel my tears freezing to my face, I could not stop crying. Then, suddenly, Luna stepped back and it was Ron who held me. It had been once, only once that he had hugged me like this. I had been crying then too, grieving for the murdered Dumbledore. He had hugged me, and rocked me close to him, his hands in my hair and words I couldn’t quite make out, in my ear. I had cried on his shoulder, much like I was doing now, and he had held me.

I missed Ron.

More than anything. I missed Ron. Talking to him, laughing with him, arguing and correcting him.

I had loved Ron. It was true. And I had given him up for a whirlwind romance with the person that he hated most. And still, still he held me.

“I have to go Hermione.” He said gently. “But, I will be back.”

“Ron, Ron you could die!” I said into his shoulder.

I felt his shoulders rise in a deep sigh and then he answered me,

“In the end, if it means that You-Know-Who is killed too, then it will be worth it.”

“It will matter to me!” I said, now angry that he could speak so lightly.

He let go of me and then smiled gently.

“I love you.” He whispered. And then he was close, much to close.

“I want you to know, that if I die, you are the only girl I have ever, will ever love.”

And then he kissed me.

And he left. He walked slowly back the way he had come and I realized that we had been alone. The others had long since left. I watched Ron walk away, not defeated and heart-broken, but proud and tall.

I sank to the snow, but I did not call him back. I let him go to a place that I was not allowed to follow.

And I knew that if Ron was to die, he would be dying for me. So that I would not have to.

I curled up under my thick robe and it took me a long time to realize that I was no longer alone. I was safely wrapped in Draco’s arms and he was letting me cry into his shoulder. I did not know how much he had seen, and right now, as much as I loved him, I didn’t care.

*************
Well, that was depressing.
*************
Just a quick note, that book that I had mentioned, the stolen Harry Potter theories book? Well it pointed something out that I had never realized. In all six HP books, Crabbe and Goyle do not speak once. They chuckle and crack their knuckles and grunt, but not once do they speak. Interesting? I think so? Important in the final HP book? Most likely.