How She Became His Everything

"What is Lynn doing here?" Gerard said with shock when he saw Lynn back there again.

"She wants to see you," the lawyer replied.

"Gerard, I'm... I..." She tried to speak in the hopes of finding a good way to apologize to him, but he wouldn't let her finish as he added, "Lynn, baby you're not supposed to be here."

"But I... I don't want to let you..." she couldn't find the proper words. She could feel the way she used to feel a year ago when she was in his presence.

"Baby there's nothing you can do, we went through this over and over again, it's over, and it's ok..." Gerard seemed to want her to leave.

"No!!" She eventually collapsed. "It is NOT ok!" She exclaimed frowning.

"I need to pay for all the mistakes I had done Lynn," Gerard didn't know that Lynn figured the truth out.

"No!" She snapped again. "You didn't do anything! You're only paying for the mistakes that I did and it's not ok! I am NOT ok with that!!" She exclaimed just as a tear started forming in her eyes.

"You..." Gerard whispered turning to look at Mikey, frowning.

"Don't look at me! It was all the work of her memory," Mikey stepped back just as Gerard turned to look back at Lynn, the frown still on his face, taking in the fact that she now knows the truth.

"Yes, yeah I know Gee, I know it's me," she went on talking. "How do you think I will be feeling, knowing that my fiance has died because of the mistakes I did?" Lynn knew what she was saying. She admitted to the fact that he was her fiance, and that stirred something in him.

"Lynn you..." Gerard was about to talk to be interrupted by Mikey again.

"Did she just mention death?"

"Could you leave us alone for a second please?" Gerard asked them.

"Come on, let's wait outside for a while Mikey," the attorney stood up and led Mikey out with him. It wasn't very easy on him, he was still asking him the same question over and over again on his way out saying, "did she really just mention death?"

"Lynn you don't understand, you never meant to do any of those things, you don't deserve to be here," Gerard explained.

"And you deserve it?" She asked with a pleading tone. "Look, I don't remember everything, and I don't know why I acutally did those things I did, but.."

"Honey, I love you a lot, I always will, and I promised I will protect you no matter what, even if it meant giving my own life away," he explained, gently holding her arms.

"You promised to...." she paused, with more memories coming in at that very same moment.

She was in her pajamas, it was around midnight. She was standing outside, in front of the yard, looking at the swing in the middle.

Gerard was right next to her, his arm wrapped around her keeping her from feeling too cold. The lawn was wet and she wasn't even wearing any slippers, so Gerard carried her all the way to that swing. They were laughing and remembering something really funny that had happened to them that very same day. They spent the whole night talking and kissing passionately. Gerard was always so soft with her, so gentle. They stayed up till 5 am with even more stuff to talk about. It was way before she got into the drug dealing story with her uncle. She was as innocent as she feels after her memory loss. She could even remember that sweet smell of his when she rested her head on his chest. The flashback was a nice one this time, it stirred a whole new sort of emotions in her this time. Emotions she thought never existed; emotions of love. She could remember how Gerard later gazed in her eyes, then his exact words were:

"you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She could feel her heart melt as she heard his words. "It's true," he said. "You are my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life, you are my everything," he paused to smile to her then gently ran his hand down her face, then added, "I will never let him get to you," he said referring to her uncle. At that time, Lynn wasn't involved with him, but she knew about him and had become scared of him. "Just that in your heart, you should never be afraid, because I'm protecting you... you'll be safe with me baby, I promise."
She remembered how amazing he was to her, she recalled how after what he said to her, her reply was simple yet meaningful, "I love you Gerard."

"I fucking love you too Lynn," he said before he gave her a sweet comforting smile, softly running his hand on her cheek, then down to her neck, leaning in to kiss her.
The feelings she had, especially when kissing him, were overwhelming.

It was just like a dream, or it has become one when that flashback was over and she was back to reality, back to being in prison's visiting rooms.

She looked at him standing there in front of her, staring at her as if he was studying every detail of her face. She was feeling something this time, something strong and positive, something great. As she was staring back at him this time, her look was different; she could feel a very strong connection and attachment to him. Those were persuaded by extreme delight and admiration, as if she had this undying devotion to him that she only just figured out right now.

"How did I get lucky enough to have you in my life?" She asked him, a tear rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't cry baby," he added, wiping away that tear with his hand, reminding her that he can't stand seeing her cry.

"Please Gee, don't leave me, not like that," she had become very weak and couldn't hold her tears anymore.

"God," he sighed as if he was really calling out for God. "Please don't make this any harder," he added taking her in his arms, gently stroking her hair, just letting her cry her guts out.

"Please Gee, I need you," she said through her tears. "I love you Gerard," she finally said it. Because a car accident, a hit on the head could have caused her to lose her memory of him, but NOTHING could EVER cause the feelings she has for him to go away like that.

"Oh God..." he almost whispered, tightening his arms around her as if he would keep her in there forever. She could feel how he was no longer as strong as he was when she first visited him. He still wanted her too. He still had a lot to live for, a lot to do. All the great times they could have had together if only they had the chance. They were going to get married, raise a family. He was going to miss out on raising their kids together.

He was letting go of all the concerts he could have enjoyed making, all the songs he still wanted to sing, all the lyrics that he didn't have the time to write, all the funny moments with his bandmates and friends that he could've had. He was letting go of ever seeing his mom, dad, or brother again. He was leaving everything behind, and he was ok with it. He had already thought about it all before, he had already taken his decision, he wanted her to live more than he wanted it for himself.

He took a deep breath, decided to stay strong for Lynn, then pulled her away from him, still gently grabbing both of her arms.

"None of what is going to happen is your fault, ok?" He said looking her straight in the eyes. He really wanted her to get him.

"How could you even say this, it was all because of me, I can never forgive myself," she said through her tears.

"No." He replied. "It is NOT your fault, do you hear me?" He asked lowering his head to her eye level, trying to make her get it. "You never intended to do those deals with your uncle. He made you do it when he knew that you found out about him and who he really is. He threatened to kill you if you didn't help him. Because he knew if he got you involved with him, you wouldn't be able to hand him in anymore, because you'll be handing yourself in too," he tried explaining some of the stuff she's been missing. She only looked at him this time, unable to speak.

"You're not a criminal," Gerard then added giving her a smile in the hopes that it would comfort her a little. "You are amazing," he said it keeping the eye contact with her. "I'm so glad I met you," he paused to wipe away the tears she was still letting out to then add, "I have had my share from you and that is all I ever want from life, I'm ready to go now."

"NO!!" She couldn't help but scream at how painful it was for her to hear him say that. She was still unable to accept it.

"Yeah..." he knew how hurt she was, but he believed that she will eventually have to move on with her life. "You just go and live your life to the fullest, and try to forget that fucked up past, do this as a favor... for me."

"NO! No...!!" She kept exclaiming. "If you leave me Gerard, if you leave me I'll spend the rest of my life in pain, please understand me," she added throbbing.

"No," he smiled confidently. "You won't," he was somehow sure she wasn't going to be upset for so long, or so he made himself believe.

"You will find yourself a decent guy who respects and loves you, you will build a whole new life, free of drug deals and criminals, because they're all in prison now."

"No!! No I don't want that," she felt her heart being ripped apart. This cold sensation hitting it on and off every 2 seconds was wearing her out. This whole thing was draining out all the energy left in her. His words were being repeated over and over in her head and she wasn't accepting any of it. 'I'm ready to go now,' she remembered what he had said earlier, again causing her to scream, "NO!!!"

The guards standing at the door heard her. It was a sort of an alarm which caused them to remember that her visiting time was over, and that they had to take him back to the cell.

"There's nothing you can do baby, just let it happen, it's ok..." he gave her that comforting look, trying to get her to feel a little less bad.
She cried even more as that caused her to feel even more pain, admitting to the whole thing.

"Can I at least have one last kiss?" She asked dying for his lips. She wanted something to really remind her of him, not a flashback, something more real.

He smiled when she said that, he really wanted to kiss her too but the guards had already gotten to him coldly saying, "time's up."

"NO!!" She screamed again. "LET HIM GO!!" She tried to step closer to him, but she was grabbed by another guard from behind. "GERARD!!" She kept screaming for him while he was leaving. He didn't turn to look back at her, he just couldn't.

She kept crying yelling out for him, watching him being taken away. She tried to free herself from the guard or do just about anything crazy to get to him. She couldn't stand being apart from him now and that almost killed her.

Soon enough, Gerard disappeared behind the doors and the guard forced her out of the visiting room. The lawyer and Mikey were waiting for her outside and by the look on Mikey's face and the tears in his eyes, Lynn knew that this lawyer had told him what was going to happen to Gerard. She was crying even more than Mikey, that excruciating pain inside of her was growing as that idea was becoming more and more real. The idea of Gerard dying and her being able to do nothing about it.