Just Don't Take Chances

Alliyson's POV;

I realized my life would always have its ups and downs at a young age. At around fifth grade, I became quite the unhappy camper.
It was when I realized my mother was the most spiteful, unfair person I had ever met.

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I had just graduated elementary school. The years that I had spent in elementary school were the most important years of my life because I had basically gone through every stage possible. But still, I was in fifth grade and I had just graduated with a bunch of people that I had grown up with my entire life. And I couldn't have been happier.

We had been rehearsing for the ceremony for weeks, also in choir and in special chorus - which I was in. And the big day had come. My mothers friend bought me this pretty blue dress for Christmas either the year before or the year before that. It was blue and kind of frilly, with this gold and blue corset thing. My mom and I had also woken up very early so we could get started on crimping and curling my hair. After, we took a couple pictures outside our apartment.

Let me explain. I lived in an apartment until I entered my freshman year of high school. I was raised in an apartment, I always had two keys to my house - one for the front door of the building and then the front door of my house. My floor had this shiny luster to it, and it was always this clean hardwood. I never had my own room, for years I shared with my mother. My father? Was never around. He didn't live with us. He had his own family, that I didn't discover until there was a fire in the apartment building and I called my father crying. He had taken me to his house in a town close by and I met my two sisters, brother, step-mother, and their fucking dog.

Needless to say I was confused, heartbroken, and curious about the truths and the lies of my life.

Moving on, back to the story. Right - fifth grade graduation. Since my father was MIA, and my mother could not afford a car - she had called a taxi that took me to my elementary school. I was nervous as shit, that part I will never forget. And I remember I came out of that taxi as it pulled up at the corner (my school was on a u-turn) and some little girl went "Ooh Mommy, she looks pretty!"

All I could do was smile, nod, and say thank you.

Fast forward. Graduation ended. I cannot remember how my mother and I got home. But I do remember a particular conversation sparked from me graduating.

I think my mother and I were packing for Florida. And out of no where, she started yelling at me. Full out, screaming at me about how much of a failure I was. About how disgusted she was to look at me sometimes. She started to complain about how disappointed she was in me, in how I was in school and everything. How she felt so strange sitting there because I was the only child not getting anything.

It's true, though. In my school, you could get awards for sports or reading or art or whatever. And yeah, I've gotten tons of awards for reading and writing, field day, art and things like that. I have certain restrictions, you know? Like I can't do everything that my mother wants me to. Although, as I graduated I had not been graced with a single award, which was uncommon for me. I understood, regardless. Maybe it was the other children's turn to win some stuff.

But regardless, she continued to sell to me her pointless rants. And then she went on to say that I wasn't her child and that her perfect child was still at the hospital, waiting for her. And one day, she was going to bring me back (even after all the chemo - after my cancer) and get her real daughter and leave me there for some other family.

It might not seem like much, but when it comes from your mother it gets imprinted into your brain. I will never forget that moment ever, in my entire life. I was just sitting on the floor bawling because she said that to me. And later on in life, when I mentioned it to my mother, she denied ever saying that.

But how could I make something like that up? I have a vivid imagination, that's true. But I'm not going to sit there and make up little lies and blame them on my mother. Things like that - when they're said to you they eat at you for the rest of your life. Still, to this day I can hear my mothers screeches and yells from my childhood and I can still hear her saying that, I can still see the pink Barbie suitcase I was packing.

If there is one thing I realized then it was that life wasn't fair.
No matter what you did, no matter how many good things that you volunteered for, the charities you would donate to.
That didn't mean you were going to have the perfect life.

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I curled Franks hair between my fingers as he slept quietly on top of me. God, if there's one thing I'm happy I've got in my life it would have to be Frank. I love how I can just lie in the bunk with him, with him snoring away his troubles on top of me and feel the most content I have in my entire life.

That's love. That's commitment. That's affection.
That's Frank and my relationship.

And now I had a new thing imprinted on my mind forever.
The words my mother had screamed at me through the phone, that rang out inside that booth. And unfortunately, Frank had to hear all of it.

But I had never heard my mother so disappointed in me. What had I done? What could I have possibly done to make her so upset? It couldn't be because of Frank, it couldn't be because of how John and I ended....

But deep inside I knew that it was. She was disappointed in me and she didn't even know how it went down. She didn't know how Frank made me feel, she didn't know the troubles John and I went through in our relationship, the stress of knowing your boyfriend is out risking his life everyday because he loves doing it.

Being with John was hard, but being with Frank was hard as well.
It did come with it's own problems and stress but at the end of the day, as long as I had Frank beside me, nothing else mattered. It was all worth it to look down at that ring and know "Yeah, I did all of that for him."
It was never like that with John. Him and I didn't have any promise rings, he was never there at night.

And I just wish my mother could understand that. But my mother will and would never be able to understand me. She never has and she never will.

"Alliyson?," a voice called quietly. My eyes sprang open as I continued to caress Frank's scalp softly, rubbing my fingertips along it. I brushed it off, thinking it was one of the guys playing a trick on me. I didn't know what time it was, after the whole ordeal with my mother, Frank and I decided a shower was what was best and then we went straight to bed.

"Alliyson!," the voice hissed again and I sighed.

"What?"

I heard a thump as someone jumped down from their bunk and stood before the curtain separating them from seeing Frank and myself. They shifted slightly.

"Can I talk to you?"

"About?," I inquired and they tsked loudly.

"Just come out so we can talk," they said quietly.

"Can't, sorry," I replied. "In a tight spot."

"Tight spot my ass," the person grumbled and suddenly, the curtain was being pulled back and my eyes snapped to Gerard's pale, ghostly face and his hazel eyes sparkled with mischief. "Do me a favor and push him off?"

"Or not," I muttered. "Kinda comfortable here."

"His fat ass is squishing you," Gerard chuckled softly. "Just come out."

I gave him the finger and he grabbed for it. I snatched it away from him before giving him a look and sighed once more, "This better be good."

I lifted Frank's shoulder with one hand and with the other, pushed it so he was on his side and off of me. Frank easily moved onto his side in his sleep but his arm came around my stomach and engulfed me, pulling me tight to its owner. He continued to snuggle into me, his face turning into a sinister, dream state smile. Gerard giggled loudly but I shushed him and sighed in a frustrated tone. I lifted Frank's arm off of me and crawled out of the bunk, putting it down in my previous spot.

Frank groaned in his sleep but snuggled into the pillow nonetheless, licking his lips in his sleep and he sighed contently. I 'awed' at him but Gerard grabbed my arm as I struggled to snap the curtain closed and he dragged me into the living room in the back of the bus.

"What is it Way!?," I exclaimed. "You know I hate leaving Frank when him and I are cuddling."

"Shut up," Gerard snapped and he closed the door. "This is kind of important."

"Uh-huh, get on with it."

"Sit down, impatient whore," he commanded and sat down on the couch. I groaned and plopped down on the chair beside him, folding my arms and pouting at him. "No, don't start with that face..."

"I was comfy!," I complained. "I love cuddling with my little Fwankie wankie panky-poo."

Gerard's face scrunched up into a look of disgust, "Ew. Anyway...."

"You gonna tell me now? It's kinda cold back here."

"Yeah...yes. Definitely, because that's what I had woken you up for and...," he rambled slightly and I smacked him on the arm.

"Out with it!"

"Allison, I...I think I may be in love again, and I'm absolutely terrified."

I stared at him as he continued to stare down at the dark carpet, twiddling his thumbs nervously. His lip started to tremble and I chuckled at him.

"Gerard," I said carefully. "Please elaborate."

Gerard giggled awkwardly and took a deep breath, "Well...her names Lindsey. And she's on the tour...and I really like her. Like, a lot. I haven't felt like this since....since..."

"I understand," I cut in. "Since whatsherface."

"Yes," he continued, shooting me a quick look of thanks. "She makes me feel different, like I'm some high schooler pursing a girl all over again. Like I'm not Gerard or anything, a completely different person. And I want to go forward with this, I want to like...be with her, you know? But I'm just...."

"Afraid," I concluded and he nodded.

"I don't want a repeat of what...happened last time. You know that sometimes I'm not all that great with relationships or I take them too seriously when they aren't there yet and..."

"I understand honey," I said quietly. "You just don't want to get hurt again."

"I hate emotional pain," I growled. "I hate it with a fiery passion and I don't want anymore of it. But I really want to be with Lindsey."

"Go for it," I said simply. "I can see you're really passionate about this girl and I think you should just go ahead and do it. What have you got to loose? You've been through enough already, but you have to try again. No matter how many relationships you have that don't work out, there's going to be one that eventually will."

"You think Lindsey will be that one?," he asked sadly and I shrugged.

"You never know. I don't know if Frank's that one for me, the one relationship that's going to work out forever but I took a chance with him and look where I am now?"

"Talking to me about my problems, that's where."

"Shut up, you know what I mean. You've got to go through stress and trouble, all that jazz - to get to the one thing that will make it all worth while. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Just let some of your guard down Gerardy-kins, show her that you're the awesome guy I know you are and she won't even think twice about hurting you. Maybe you'll get married this time..."

"I guess," Gerard shrugged, still looking down at the carpet. I grunted and tipped his face to look at me and his eyes had this glazed over, sad look. I tapped his cheek, still staring deep into his eyes.

"Take the chance, gorgeous. I know you can do it."

He continued to look at me before grabbing me and pulling me into a tight hug. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tight as he rubbed my back lovingly.

"God, I don't know what I'd do without you," he murmured quietly. "Thank you so much, you're like my support system..."

"No problem! Look at all the help you've given me about Frank, I owe you a lot Gerard," I replied, pulling away from him to tap his nose with my own. "Just think about it, k?"

He nodded and I hugged him again before hopping off the couch, pulling down my tank top a little bit before I walked towards the door.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to see a midget about some cuddling."

I heard Gerard laugh softly while I opened the door, the hinges making a slight creaking noise. I left it open as I walked towards the bunk, my socks scuffling along the cold floor with Gerard behind me. I pulled back the curtain as he climbed into his own bunk and I crawled inside mine, shutting the curtain behind me. As soon as I got the chance to really lay down, I felt Frank's strong grip around my stomach as he pulled me close and snuggled into me in his sleep.

I heard him moan softly as I chuckled, and turned around to hug him. Frank placed his head on top of my chest once again before shifting upwards, his breath gliding across my exposed chest when he breathed out and I felt him pull up the back of my tank top, his fingers gliding across my lower back, causing me to hiss out loud.

There he goes again with the touching of my back.

"I love you," Frank mumbled quietly in his sleep.

"I love you too dear," I said back and after a couple minutes, we both fell asleep.