Baby, You Are the Weapon I Choose

I felt sick even before we were done. How could I still do this? Christine was so close. How could I do this to her? It didn’t matter that Mandy and I did this after every assignment we had together, or that it just relieved so much of the tension from the kill, or for those 10 minutes, I didn’t have to think about how I had just taken a life. It didn’t matter that this was Mandy, just Mandy and that it didn’t mean anything. For any other girl but Christine I wouldn’t have cared. I hadn’t cared. Until now, until Christine. I pushed Mandy off of me. She looked at me questioningly. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her eyes scanning the premises like the true assassin she was.

I sighed, rummaging with my clothes and starting to put them on. I didn’t say anything.

“Joe,” she stood with me, her hands on my face. I couldn’t look at her. I kept my gaze down. “Joe, baby, what happened? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this,” I said finally. “I’m sorry.”

She sighed and stepped back. “It’s her isn’t it?”

I shrugged, and ran a hand through my hair. “I really like her Mandy. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Joe, it’s not real,” she said quietly. “Whatever you have with her, or think you have with her, it’s not real.”

I looked up at her. So badly I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but I couldn’t. Because I knew every word was true. What I had with Christine wasn’t real. I was going to kill her father. I was going to destroy her. This whole thing wasn’t real. But I refused to believe that. Somewhere underneath, it was. There was an ounce of truth in it. I knew it. I couldn’t feel like this and have it not be real. “Maybe it’s not,” I said, just as quietly. “But I still can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

Mandy sighed and put her own clothes on. “Don’t be,” she said. “Joe, maybe,” she sighed, rethinking her words. “Maybe this isn’t good. I mean you doing this. You’re going to end up hurt.”

“I know,” I said as we made our way out.

“Want to grab a bite to eat before we heard home?” she asked as we got into her car.

I grimaced. Christine was at the house.

She sighed. “Never mind,” she said, understanding. “I’ll just drop you off.”

I smiled gratefully before putting my head back and closing my eyes. I took a deep breath. Why was I doing this to myself?

“Bye,” I said as I got out.

“Thanks again Joe,” she said, smiling.

“No problem.” I made my way up to my room. Christine was sleeping in my parent’s room. I fell onto my bed and let out a big breath. What the hell was I going to do?

---

“This is so much fun,” Christine said as we sat down. I handed her her hotdog.

“Well I can’t believe you’ve never been to a baseball game,” I said, still shocked. The moment she told me that, I had to bring her here.

“Eh I was never a big sports person,” she laughed. “So who’s playing today?”

“The Phillies and the Rays,” I explained. “It’s like the biggest game of the season because it’s kind of a rematch.”

“Because the Phillies won the World Series last year,” Christine repeated what I had told her before. “Against the Rays, right?”

I laughed. “You’re catching on.”

“This is fun,” she grinned. She screamed as the Phillies hit a homerun.

I smiled at her as I watched her really get into it. She seemed like such a little kid, at her very first baseball game. It was really cute. I sighed, shaking my head. What was I doing? I shouldn’t be doing things like this. I shouldn’t be making this worse.

She grinned at me. “Thanks,” she said.

“Any time,” I said.

We sat there and sat watched the game. I couldn’t really concentrate. I was paying more attention to Christine next to me. My phone buzzed with a text. 1982 Ambassador St. Phoebe Walters.. I sighed. The reason I was truly here. My assignment.

I had realized something these last few days. I loved Christine. I loved her, and I was going to destroy her. I wondered how much it would destroy me in turn.