Baby, You Are the Weapon I Choose

“What the hell is going on here?” I demanded. I was still so confused. I was sure I was going crazy. But I couldn’t be. Danielle was standing right there. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

“I know,” she smiled fondly at Kevin. “And I technically am.”

“What?” I asked.

“Joe meet Danielle Jonas,” Kevin said. “Danielle Deleasa is dead. Danielle Jonas is going to live a long, prosperous life if I have anything to do with it.” He put his arm around her waist.

I was still recovering. However, as comprehension flowed through me, anger started to replace the confusion. “But you were supposed to kill her,” I said slowly.

“I love her,” Kevin said quietly. “I couldn’t kill her.” His voice sounded aged and pained, as if even the possibility had taken a long toll on him. My brother, standing before me, was suddenly very old. Danielle reached up to touch his cheek comfortingly.

“But it was your assignment,” I said quietly, my voice angry now. “You disobeyed.”

“Yes,” Kevin said. “And I would do it again if it meant she could still be here in my arms.” As if to emphasize his point, he pulled her closer.

Danielle smiled at me. “Are you going to tell on us Joey?” she asked.

It was a trick question, I knew. I would never. After all, Danielle had been my friend too. When I found out she had died, I had been horror struck, though we had learned emotions were weak. I had pushed the thoughts from my mind. Seeing her here though, live and safe, it brought out my hidden emotions. “Of course I won’t,” I snapped. Why hadn’t they told me sooner? And what the hell was Kevin thinking? “Don’t get me wrong Danielle, it’s great to see you above the ground instead of 6 feet under but what the fuck Kevin?” I demanded. “What the hell did you do?”

“I hid her away,” Kevin sighed. “And then I pretended I killed her. I bought this apartment under a different name and we got married secretly. I moved out. Now we can be together without anyone knowing.” He kissed her gently, but I could see the love in it.

I still glared at him. “You think you guys will be so fucking happy now?” I asked. “You think you’ll have a fairytale ending? Having dollies and flowers and your fucking picture frames hanging everywhere? Maybe you’ll get to have Sunday lunch with mom after church? You think this is going to be a fucking breeze now Kevin?” I was shouting now. “What happens when they find out you tricked them? What happens to us when they think mom and dad were in on the whole charade? Did you think of any of us big brother? Did you think at all?”

Kevin’s eyes turned apologetic. “I did,” he said quietly. “I know this is not going to be easy. But I think that if we’re careful enough, no one will find out. And then we don’t have to worry about anyone else. No one has found out this long. Who would?”

“You’re Kevin Jonas!” I screamed. “You’re a celebrity. You have paparazzi following you all the time. What happens when they see you two together even if you’re so careful? You know it will happen eventually. With celebrities, everything always gets out Kevin. You fucking know that. What happens when she goes somewhere? Or even if she doesn’t go out what if she has your kids in a hospital full of people who could recognize her! Do you think they have no one else working for them? Are you honestly naïve enough to think no one will ever find out?”

“It’s a chance I’m willing to take,” he said.

I gapped at him. “And what of our family? Does it mean nothing to you?”

“Dad chose this,” he said simply. “He knew what he was getting himself into. He knew what the consequences would be if he screwed up.”

“He didn’t screw up,” I yelled. “You did. You have killed us all. What about mom huh? Even if they chose to live this life, you want to see her dead?”

Kevin sighed sadly. “Joe, I am truly sorry for what this could mean for everyone. But you must understand. I’m showing her to you know, trying to explain all this to you so you know.”

“Know what?” I demanded. I couldn’t even look at him, I was so angry. How could he do this? He was killing us all, condemning us all even further into the pits of hell.

“That there is another life out there Joe,” he exasperated. “That you can find love and leave too. You don’t have to finish this assignment Joe. You can walk away like I did. You can escape.”

This brought out a bitter laugh from deep in my chest. “You mean I could abandon the family like you did.”

“I didn’t abandon them,” he said quietly. “I didn’t abandon you.”

“No?” I asked. “You left it all on me. You left the whole fucking world resting on my shoulders. Tell me big brother, how can I do to Nick what you have done to me? How can I put him through what I now have to go through?”

“He can leave too,” Kevin said quietly. “We all can. We don’t have to do this anymore. We don’t have to be assassins. We don’t have to be pawns in this game.”

“Game?” I yelled, half laughing hysterically. I was beyond wit’s end right now. The walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of here soon. “Kevin, this is no game. This is our fucking life. But you want to call this a game? You walked away, that’s fine. But you’re still just as much a ‘pawn’ in this ‘game’. We can leave all we want. We’ll still be in it.”

Danielle put her hand on my arm. I hadn’t noticed how close she had gotten to me. I shivered under her touch. “Joe, you’re better than this,” she said quietly. “You’re not a murder.”

“No?” I laughed, moving from her grasp. “Do you know what I’ve done Danielle? Do you know how many people I’ve killed? And you say I’m not a murderer? Not only am I one, but also I’m the worst kind. I get paid to end people’s lives Danielle. I’m getting paid to destroy the love of my life, and you think by telling me I’m better than this, it’ll make up for it. Nothing will make up for it.”

I walked to the door. Neither of them stopped me. With my hand on the door, I stopped. “You may have been too weak to do what you must for your family Kevin, but I will not make that mistake.” With that, I opened the door and walked out.