Believing Lies From Broken Relationships

Of course, mom was pissed as shit, but since school was starting and we didn’t need the extra stresses of punishment, she decided it fit to say no going out until the weekend. Rather weak, especially considering how harsh she generally is, but neither of us were about to complain. Her lecture about responsibility was bad enough.

We had both ended our day with quick showers and sleeping until school began the next morning, though, admittedly, I don’t think either of us had had enough sleep yet, but then, when has any teenager? Mom drove us because Sofia ended up making us miss the bus when she was doing her makeup, which made us late our first day.

All our old grades, tests, and the like had been transferred here so we could start our classes without the extra hassle of testing for placement. Upon entering the building, Sofia immediately went the opposite way as me, which I guess made sense because of class location, but still, not even a goodbye. Feeling rejected, I wandered slowly down to my first class, who greeted my by starring. Great.

To be completely honest, I didn’t learn anything the whole day because, aside from it being my first day here, I was caught up in what Curtis had said the other day. I bit my thumb nervously all through first period, wondering what I had reveled to him in my drunken fear. He was fairly sensitive to other people’s emotions, so my nerves may well have him keeping a lot of it from me. In one sense, that was a good thing, because I wasn’t exactly ready to admit what happened to myself, but in another, if I were to think logically about it, someone really should know.

Second was spent focusing on why I had been so upset…enough to drink like that. Not that I didn’t like to take a sip here or there, but I hadn’t ever been drunk before, which was slightly embarrassing. Oli and my sister shouldn’t make a difference to me, even if he was just a little hot, I had just met him and there was no way I could feel anything strong enough to make me drink at that sight. In my normal world with my normal, logical thoughts, it made no sense. Okay, admittedly, he had caught my eye, but it went no further than that. We obviously wouldn’t make a good couple, so leaving him to my sister was the perfect solution. Why did it feel so wrong?

Third was not filled with daydreams.

During fourth, I thought about what else went on when I was drunk. Because it was my first time anywhere past tipsy, I had no clue what kind of a drunk I was, aside from lightweight. I could’ve been telling stupid jokes and laughing or all over some random stranger and I’ll probably never know, considering the boys weren’t likely to tell me. Though I had only known them for a little, I got the feeling they were going to spare me the embarrassment, regardless of whether I wanted them to or not.

Fifth was my lunch period and by far one of the worst. Maybe it’s just me, but being watched constantly with no escape made me feel like a subhuman creature in a zoo, picking through my lunch with no interest. During class, I suppose I had been getting a few odd looks, but because I had been so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn’t taken much notice of it. Now, alone with all the eyes burning a hole in my back, all I could do was nibble at the sandwich in front of me and wait for class to come and save me. Knowing everyone was watching, everyone was talking about me, already starting rumors; it ruined any chance of thoughts I had; I was sure to get distracted.

When sixth finally rolled around, I was forced to try and come up with something to do about my jealousy, if you can ever call it that. I didn’t want to go on a drinking binge every time I saw Oliver with another girl, for that matter, I didn’t want to go on any binges at all, non-alcoholic or not. I needed a quick distraction, but to do something like that with Curtis or Lee just…it wasn’t going to happen. If I went there, I would be no better than Sofia, using guys like Kleenex.

While seventh passed by, I considered the option of becoming my sister. Not in the flirty whore sense, but in the popular sense. I had a fresh start here and despite a rocky beginning, I’m sure I could quickly pick up my lack of social life and earn most of the schools respect…or at least have them fearing me. It must run in the family, at least a little bit.

The rest of school I spent observing the social hierarchy of the school; if I learned who was who today, I could start talking tomorrow. Knowing Oli’s gang had to count for something because, according to some bragging remark I had overheard in the car, the boys were in a band and besides that, they were older, which had been worth major points in America. However, I was also in a few of the advanced classes, earning me an unwanted nerdy rep, which, if you knew me, was ridiculous as I was almost getting a D in at least two of them.

Over the course of the day, I discovered three girls who seemed to be very close to the top of the pyramid; two blondes and a brunette. They were always together in the halls, meeting up after classes, they sat with a bunch of big burly guys at lunch, probably the football team, and no girl outside the three of them dared to talk unless spoken to.

As I climbed onto the school bus at the end of the day, the thought struck me I would have to do something completely unbearable and reckless; ask for help from Sofia. It would take the right approach, which would undoubtedly include bribery, laying pride out on the table, and some begging. Since we were grounded, covering for her when she snuck out would be a good offer and I was suddenly thankful for the punishment. It didn’t exactly hinder me as I had no plans anyway.

When they reached my stop, I smiled to myself. Sofia had already been saying bye to people and slipping her phone back into her pocket, no doubt she’d have something to do today. She walked a few paces behind me down the street until we reached our house, at which time she took off for her room, cell coming back out. Nonchalantly, I slipped off my sneakers and followed her, leaning against her doorway while she eyed me suspiciously, making quiet remarks to whoever was on the other end of the phone.

“What do you want?” She sneered after hanging up.

“You’re help.”

“With what?”

“I want to be popular.”

She barked out a laugh, “No, really.”

“Really; I need your help. You have friends, boyfriends, everyone looks up to you, and everyone wants to be you. I can’t manage to get one friend and yet you already have a million. I want to know how you do it. I’ll cover for you when you sneak out to meet your friends and do your chores all this week if you teach me.” I laid it out on the table with an extra sprinkle of ass-kissing.
She gave me a weird look before nodding slowly. “Deal…I’ll email you a list of what you have to do.”

Without another word, I turned on my heel, heading towards my room to give Mandy a quick ring.

“I’m going out at seven,” I could hear Sofia call down the hall, a smile in her voice.

I bit back the regret that was threatening to overcome me, reminding myself it would be good for me in the long run.

I was slightly nervous about telling Mandy my plans because, though she was above me in social ranking, she was my friend because, quote, she admired my ability to be myself through thick and thin. I had never thought of it as anything more than natural because it was just extra effort, a lot more than I had originally thought, I realized as I pulled out my computer and read over Sofia’s list, to be something other than yourself.

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to think of a way to explain it to her because she never picked up her phone. It was good to know I had already been forgotten in my own home.

$*$*$

The next morning when I awoke, I saw Sofia had, as she promised, laid out some clothes for me that were acceptable. They were incredibly uncomfortable, as was the makeup she put on me after appearing in my room, blocking my path to breakfast. To her credit, she was completely true to her word, going as far as to wake up early so she could teach me how to do the right “hip” makeup in the morning.

Breakfast however, due to my inability to apply eyeliner, was only a piece of fruit as we ran towards our bus stop, no ride if we missed it because our mom had gone to work early. The cores were discarded in the street, and we reached the stop only the two of us took seconds before the bus pulled in.

I made a beeline for the seat in front of one of the three girls I had spotted yesterday, the brunette, who was seated near the back of the bus by herself. As I sat, I could feel her eyes wiping over me, inspecting every difference from yesterday, or maybe just the new girl, on the off chance she hadn’t noticed the schools biggest gossip topic yesterday. Being the new meat was hard.

Near the end of the bus route, right when I was beginning to doubt Sofia, she leaned forward and tapped my shoulder. “I’m Lizzie. The schools a pretty big place and you’re new here, so why don’t you let me show you around? It’ll give you a chance to get on you’re feet.”

Amazing. Apparently, it really was all about looks with these girls. Nodding as the bus came to a stop, I stood and followed her into the school, taking note of the way everyone moved to let her through. Inside, the blonds were waiting on a plush couch in the school’s lobby, chattering quietly about something to low for me to here, even as we approached them.

“Abby, Sam,” she gestured to the one who, upon closer inspection, had darker hair first, then the lighter haired one, “this is…oh, I never caught your name.”

“Mattie,” I spoke it as confidently as I could, making it sound more like Maddy.

“This is Maddy,” they bought it! “She’s new here, so I offered to show her around.”

Again, I could feel them judging me, their eyes sweeping over me a few times to catch every detail before nodding approvingly. The two stood, backpacks swung over one arm, and began off down the hall with us in tow.

“We all stay in the gym homeroom because the teachers really don’t notice if you move around after the first week and, duh, it’s the best.” Lizzie explained as we entered the gym.

Well dressed teenagers littered the bleachers set up on the left end of the gym, which I was seeing for the first time because I only had gym every other day. Abby, Sam, and Lizzie lead me to the top row where there was a giant gap I could only guess they always sat, everyone else leaving it open, to afraid to oppose them. They started up their light banter again, which I could now tell was about which gloss lasted longest and no, that was not a joke.

“See that one?” Lizzie pointed to a tall boy across the bleachers. “He’s captain of the football team, Abby’s boyfriend. Name’s Darren. And the one he’s talking to? Quarterback, his best friend, and Sam’s boyfriend, Adam. That one,” she pointed to a guy playing volley ball in the middle of the floor, only a few team mates. “He’s my boyfriend, Jack. Plays for the team to, but isn’t as important as the other Darren and Adam. Now that girl over there-” She was cut off by the bell, signaling our first class.

I didn’t end up with to many classes with Abby, Sam, or Lizzie, only about four, but I could feel the improvement from yesterday. People in my classes didn’t give me glares, they gave me admiring smile and hopeful glances, as if I could get them into this crowd. When I had first entered History, Sam had had an open seat beside her and smiled at me, her eyes beckoning me over as I entered the room.

At lunch, Lizzie ran over to me as soon as I came in. People watched with longing scowls as I was lead back over to their table where we were joined by the three boyfriends and their team. A few of the boys talked to me, flirting lightly and making jokes that I didn’t pay attention to, merely laughed and smiled because instead I was thinking about how insanely shallow they all were. The three tops were taken, the new one was in and they all pounced like lions at feeding time. Yesterday, when I had been unfitting, worse yet unpopular, nothing.

I thought popularity was going to be hard to achieve, that there was a complex science behind it, but no, all you had to do was forget the important things, go for the best looking ones in the room, and smile pretty for the wolves.