Misery

In mid-April it had been a month since Catherine had been in St. Louis. She and Cam had fallen into an easy routine. They woke up at the same time everyday, as Cam headed off to a practice or a morning skate, Catherine headed to work. Cam had gotten her a job working at the Scottrade Center, in the front office. Catherine loved working, interacting with people as a secretary. It was such a change from being in Chicago; she had never worked while she was there.

She was a ball of nerves as she closed up her office for the night and headed into the hockey arena, taking her seat six rows behind the player benches at center ice. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed after puttingher Cam’s sweatpants on and try to forget that Adam was in the same city as she was again. The last place she wanted to be was in the same building as him, wearing the tight pencil skirt, tight blouse, and five inch heels she had worn to work.

Catherine was sure she was moving throughout the entire game, even more so when it came down to late in the third period and the game was tied. Heading into sudden death overtime, the entire Scottrade Center was on their feet, including Catherine. Catherine didn’t even know what had happened when she heard the buzzer signifying a Blues’ win. With a big smile on her face, she waited for the arena to clear out before she headed down to the locker room.

Smiling and saying hello to all of her coworkers who had stuck around for the game, she was almost to the Blues’ locker room when she suddenly stopped in her tracks and went to turn around.

“Cat?”

Freezing, she slowly turned to face Adam. When he finally saw it was her, he dropped the towel he was holding and just stood, staring at her. Catherine let a light smile grace her lips, as she let her eyes take in his half naked figure, only wearing a pair of mesh shorts.

“Hi,” She said, lamely.

He scratched his head, as some of his teammates gathered to see who he was talking to. Catherine couldn’t help but roll her eyes as they stared at her just as Adam did. Luckily, she didn’t have to say anything as Cam came bounding around the corner already showered and dressed. He glanced at Adam and his teammates before wrapping his arms around Catherine and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Ready for dinner?”

Catherine nodded vigorously and laced her fingers with Cam’s, not giving Adam a second glance as they left the Scottrade Center.

- - - - -

The amount of pride Catherine felt come playoffs time was almost ridiculous to her. On one hand she was so proud of the Blues and Cam, even though she had only been part of their ‘family’ for such a short time, and on the other hand she was proud of Adam and the rest of the Blackhawks. Having watched the young Chicago team play all season, Catherine would be the first to admit they deserved it.

Cam was so excited so head into the playoffs; he trained harder, ate better, and stayed positive. He seemed confident that the Blues could beat the Canucks, even if Roberto Luongo was one of the toughest goalies to face. But after three straight losses, his hopes were dwindling, and that broke Catherine’s heart.

Nothing could prepare Catherine for having to take care of a dejected hockey player as the Blues were swept in the first round. Cam moped around their house for days, refusing to do anything. Catherine had had enough after five days, and she dragged him out of the house, and shoving him into her car.

She took him to Six Flags, St. Louis and as soon as they walked in, he got a big smile on his face and turned to Catherine, kissing her hard on the lips before dragging her off to ride all of the rides. Throughout the day, Cam never once mentioned the playoffs or anything hockey related. Sure, Catherine knew that there was a chance he would begin bumming around again as soon as they got home, but for just a few hours, Catherine was excited to be spending the day with the happy-go-lucky man she had grown to love.

- - - - - -

Around the same time the Blackhawks made it to the Western Conference finals, Aimee emailed an article to Catherine, telling her she was ‘sorry,’ but Catherine ‘needed to see it.’ Chicago, a magazine, did an annual list of the city’s most eligible bachelors and bachelor-ettes. Seeing Adam in the magazine and boasting of his availability did something to Catherine she didn’t think could still happen. Bursting into tears, she realized she wasn’t over Adam.

And suddenly the reason she refused to let Cam in completely, to let him love her, was because she still held those feelings for Adam. Cam, endlessly perfect, heard her crying from the living room and ran into the den, where she was.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her instantly, bringing her head to his chest.

Catherine lifted her shoulders up and jerked her head to the computer screen, letting another loud sob hiccup out of her. Cam looked at the screen and shook his head and didn’t hide his scoff. Catherine pulled away from Cam and realized how stupid she was being, but still, she couldn’t fight the bad feelings rising inside of her stomach.

“I feel worthless.”

“What?” Cam asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I wasn’t good enough for him… I just - ”

Cam stood, dragging Catherine up with him. Shaking his head furiously, he said, “Don’t you start believing that bullshit, Catherine. You are a beautiful and amazing woman and if you think otherwise, well, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”

His words seemed to echo in her head, making her body light up with warm, good feelings. Throwing caution to the wind, she literally threw herself at Cam and pressed her lips to his. He fell back against the computer chair and Catherine climbed into his lap, never letting her lips separate from his.

“Cat,” Cam interrupted. “Cat…”

“Cam, I need this. I need you.”

Cam stayed silent and looked into Catherine’s eyes for a long while. When he realized how serious she was being, he gave a curt nod of his head and grabbed her hand, pulling her upstairs to his bedroom. He tried to hide his small smile he was sure he had on his face; he was getting to spend the night with Catherine, even if it was just one. She felt used, she felt ugly, and she felt worthless; Cam was willing to do anything to make her feel beautiful again.

Standing in front of her, her back to the bed, he did not let himself touch her. Instead he looked her up and down and let a smirk fall onto his lips, telling Catherine he liked what he saw. He laughed at the light blush that came onto her cheeks. He brought his hands to the hem of her tee shirt, lifting it over her head.

He smiled at her before he pressed his lips to her neck, just below her ear. Catherine couldn’t stop the groan that emitted from deep in her throat as he kissed, sucked, and nipped his way to the crest of her breasts. He slipped a large hand under her bra as he brought his other around her back to unclasp it.

He scooped her up and sat her on the bed, bringing himself down on top of her, letting his hands fall to the waistline of her pants. Sliding the cotton material down her legs along with her underwear, he stood up to admire her body. He didn’t feel the need to hide the growing pain in his own pants as she looked up at him with wide, green eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” He told her, as he quickly pulled his own clothes off.

Catherine bit her lip and nodded her head, telling Cam to continue. He pressed his lips to hers and she gasped into his mouth when he entered her. Pulling away from her mouth, he again moved his lips to her neck as his hands rubbed over her chest.

“I love you,” He told her, not bothering to think about his words before they came out of his mouth.

Catherine froze in her actions, but after barely any thinking, she decided she had already known about his feelings. She also decided that she didn’t care about those words at the moment. All Catherine was concerned about was how Cam made her feel; and those feelings, she realized, had been absent for a long, long time.

And when Cam kissed her again, Catherine felt deep within her, that she could love him back in time.