I’ll Hide You Away From the World.
Does anyone notice? Does anyone care?
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
“Mikes, Mikey? I know you’re there. Please pick up- we’re all worried about you.” The angelic voice of Frank Iero filled the room direction of the answering machine place upon the kitchen bench.
“Please.” His concerned voice was cut out by a steady beep, indicating the phone had been replaced and the line disconnected. Taking the toll of unmissed calls to 34 as it flashed in illuminated numbers on the machine’s screen.
Mikey’s head was throbbing as he forced his eyes open, his gaze blurred and unfocused, bringing him back to his nightmare and out of a dream where he’d been with her, with Alicia. Out of his blissful fantasy and back to reality where he was sprawled out on the carpeted floor of his apartment, his clothes reeking of the foul smelling alcohol and his bones aching and sore.
The repetitive ringing of the phone began again, causing an annoyed moan to escape his lips as his head throbbed from the loud sound.
“Mikey…?” This time Gerard’s voice filled the room, sounding concerned- almost afraid. “Mikey. It’s been two days? I’m worried about you,” his voice faded out, letting silence fall through the room again as Gerard took the chance to reflect on his thoughts. “I’m coming ‘round.”
Two days? Had he really been passed out for two days? His brain over-dosed on the poison which fed his own heartache. This was not all just a bad dream like Mikey had hoped it was. Alicia was not coming back. Ever.
“Fuck…” He mumbled to himself as he pulled his body off of the carpet, his bones cracking in several places and his legs violently threatening to collapse under his exhausted body. The alcohol has numbed the pain of losing his beloved briefly.
His feet moved lazily across the carpet and over to the kitchen where he retrieved a clear glass and filled it with water. The water would relive some of the pain from the headache Mikey had self-inflicted up himself as he lifted the glass to his lips, drinking the pure liquid as his attention focused on the calendar pinned onto the grey walls.
28th of March
The last time he remembered, it was still the 26th of March. The day where he and Alicia had gone to visit his family for dinner, before returning home where she then woke him up in labour. She’d been dead for two days as he lay passed out like a homeless alcoholic on the lounge room floor.
The stench from his body crept its way up into his nostrils causing him to gag in disgust of his own smell. A mixture of stale alcohol and body odour, like the smell that use to follow him like a lost puppy in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance where Gerard had been an alcoholic. Finishing the water he placed the glass back down onto the counter and retreated to the bathroom to wash the smell of alcohol and death from his body, his heart still feeling the heavy weight of her missing presence.
~ ~ ~
Mikey returned from his shower. His body feeling refreshed but his chest feeling heavier than ever, it still carried the heavy burden of what life would be like without her, bringing tears to his hazel eyes as he stepped back out into the lounge. Everything reminded him of her, as he stared through the empty apartment.
There was a subtle knock against the wooden door, pulling Mikey from his subconscious thoughts and back into his nightmare as he answered the door. Hesitating as he reached out to take hold of the handle, not wanting to face another person for as long as he lived, but he knew it was Gerard on the other side.
“Hey Mikes,” Gerard’s sombre face gave off a week smile as he quickly took hold of his brother and wrapped him into a loving hug before Mikey even had time to react. “I thought you were de-” Gerard cut himself off, his face turning pink as he realised the cruelty of the word he was about to speak.
“I…I feel like I am.” Mikey whispered, staring straight past his brother and into the white hall of the apartment building. His mind not focusing on Gerard of anything else, as if his whole body was paralysed, and in some ways- it was. His heart was paralysed.
Gerard embraced his brother in another hug, as Mikey stood emotionless in his arms, with no will to wrap his own hands around his only brother.
“I saw her…” Mikey spoke as Gerard pulled away, staring at his brother with confusion, his eyes glazed over with sympathy.
“Saw who Mikes?” He asked, walking past Mikey and into the stale air of the apartment, which indicated that Mikey had not left over the past forty-eight hours.
“Alicia.” Mikey stated sadly, closing the door of the apartment and following his brother into the lounge where he threw his slinky body onto one of their couches.
“Mikes, she’s dead.” More sympathy filled Gerard’s eyes, as if Mikey was a child refusing to accept that his pet goldfish had died.
“I know, but-”
“-But what?”
“She told me to look after him.” Mikey hung his head, remembering the brief moment where he saw Alicia’s ghost and the baby in which he had abandoned in the hospital that night. The baby which had stolen her life.
“Well, then do that.” He looked up to see Gerard’s smile, as he looked straight into Mikey’s eyes, bringing a sense of hope.
“I- I don’t think I can.” He hung his head in shame, the hatred towards his only child still racked at his heart. Now it was clashing with his love for Alicia and her wishes.
“Mikes,” Gerard sat next to him on the couch, wrapping an arm over him and bringing him into yet another comforting hug. “You can Mikey. You’ll get use to this.”
“Thanks Gee…” Mikey looked back up into his brothers sparkling eyes. Gerard gave him hope, hope that everything will get better.
“There is something else.” Gerard turned his gaze away from Mikey and focused on the carpet below his feet, hesitating and trying to delay the next words he had to speak. “Alicia’s funeral is planned for tomorrow.”
His words felt like they tore Mikey’s heart out as hot tears filled his eyes once again and his chest felt as if it were caving in, destroying everything. He knew he would have to go to her funeral, but attending it is what would bring the reality back.
The tears burnt their path down his cheeks as his face collapsed into his sweaty palms, his body shaking from the loud sobs, which escaped his chest.
“I’ll stay with you tonight.” He felt Gerard’s hand gracefully grip his shoulder, bringing back that small false sense of security and hope.
As much as he wanted it, he knew the she is not going to walk through that door. As much as his aching heart begged for it, she was not coming back.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow would be a new beginning.
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
“Mikes, Mikey? I know you’re there. Please pick up- we’re all worried about you.” The angelic voice of Frank Iero filled the room direction of the answering machine place upon the kitchen bench.
“Please.” His concerned voice was cut out by a steady beep, indicating the phone had been replaced and the line disconnected. Taking the toll of unmissed calls to 34 as it flashed in illuminated numbers on the machine’s screen.
Mikey’s head was throbbing as he forced his eyes open, his gaze blurred and unfocused, bringing him back to his nightmare and out of a dream where he’d been with her, with Alicia. Out of his blissful fantasy and back to reality where he was sprawled out on the carpeted floor of his apartment, his clothes reeking of the foul smelling alcohol and his bones aching and sore.
The repetitive ringing of the phone began again, causing an annoyed moan to escape his lips as his head throbbed from the loud sound.
“Mikey…?” This time Gerard’s voice filled the room, sounding concerned- almost afraid. “Mikey. It’s been two days? I’m worried about you,” his voice faded out, letting silence fall through the room again as Gerard took the chance to reflect on his thoughts. “I’m coming ‘round.”
Two days? Had he really been passed out for two days? His brain over-dosed on the poison which fed his own heartache. This was not all just a bad dream like Mikey had hoped it was. Alicia was not coming back. Ever.
“Fuck…” He mumbled to himself as he pulled his body off of the carpet, his bones cracking in several places and his legs violently threatening to collapse under his exhausted body. The alcohol has numbed the pain of losing his beloved briefly.
His feet moved lazily across the carpet and over to the kitchen where he retrieved a clear glass and filled it with water. The water would relive some of the pain from the headache Mikey had self-inflicted up himself as he lifted the glass to his lips, drinking the pure liquid as his attention focused on the calendar pinned onto the grey walls.
28th of March
The last time he remembered, it was still the 26th of March. The day where he and Alicia had gone to visit his family for dinner, before returning home where she then woke him up in labour. She’d been dead for two days as he lay passed out like a homeless alcoholic on the lounge room floor.
The stench from his body crept its way up into his nostrils causing him to gag in disgust of his own smell. A mixture of stale alcohol and body odour, like the smell that use to follow him like a lost puppy in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance where Gerard had been an alcoholic. Finishing the water he placed the glass back down onto the counter and retreated to the bathroom to wash the smell of alcohol and death from his body, his heart still feeling the heavy weight of her missing presence.
~ ~ ~
Mikey returned from his shower. His body feeling refreshed but his chest feeling heavier than ever, it still carried the heavy burden of what life would be like without her, bringing tears to his hazel eyes as he stepped back out into the lounge. Everything reminded him of her, as he stared through the empty apartment.
There was a subtle knock against the wooden door, pulling Mikey from his subconscious thoughts and back into his nightmare as he answered the door. Hesitating as he reached out to take hold of the handle, not wanting to face another person for as long as he lived, but he knew it was Gerard on the other side.
“Hey Mikes,” Gerard’s sombre face gave off a week smile as he quickly took hold of his brother and wrapped him into a loving hug before Mikey even had time to react. “I thought you were de-” Gerard cut himself off, his face turning pink as he realised the cruelty of the word he was about to speak.
“I…I feel like I am.” Mikey whispered, staring straight past his brother and into the white hall of the apartment building. His mind not focusing on Gerard of anything else, as if his whole body was paralysed, and in some ways- it was. His heart was paralysed.
Gerard embraced his brother in another hug, as Mikey stood emotionless in his arms, with no will to wrap his own hands around his only brother.
“I saw her…” Mikey spoke as Gerard pulled away, staring at his brother with confusion, his eyes glazed over with sympathy.
“Saw who Mikes?” He asked, walking past Mikey and into the stale air of the apartment, which indicated that Mikey had not left over the past forty-eight hours.
“Alicia.” Mikey stated sadly, closing the door of the apartment and following his brother into the lounge where he threw his slinky body onto one of their couches.
“Mikes, she’s dead.” More sympathy filled Gerard’s eyes, as if Mikey was a child refusing to accept that his pet goldfish had died.
“I know, but-”
“-But what?”
“She told me to look after him.” Mikey hung his head, remembering the brief moment where he saw Alicia’s ghost and the baby in which he had abandoned in the hospital that night. The baby which had stolen her life.
“Well, then do that.” He looked up to see Gerard’s smile, as he looked straight into Mikey’s eyes, bringing a sense of hope.
“I- I don’t think I can.” He hung his head in shame, the hatred towards his only child still racked at his heart. Now it was clashing with his love for Alicia and her wishes.
“Mikes,” Gerard sat next to him on the couch, wrapping an arm over him and bringing him into yet another comforting hug. “You can Mikey. You’ll get use to this.”
“Thanks Gee…” Mikey looked back up into his brothers sparkling eyes. Gerard gave him hope, hope that everything will get better.
“There is something else.” Gerard turned his gaze away from Mikey and focused on the carpet below his feet, hesitating and trying to delay the next words he had to speak. “Alicia’s funeral is planned for tomorrow.”
His words felt like they tore Mikey’s heart out as hot tears filled his eyes once again and his chest felt as if it were caving in, destroying everything. He knew he would have to go to her funeral, but attending it is what would bring the reality back.
The tears burnt their path down his cheeks as his face collapsed into his sweaty palms, his body shaking from the loud sobs, which escaped his chest.
“I’ll stay with you tonight.” He felt Gerard’s hand gracefully grip his shoulder, bringing back that small false sense of security and hope.
As much as he wanted it, he knew the she is not going to walk through that door. As much as his aching heart begged for it, she was not coming back.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow would be a new beginning.