Death Dies Harder in the Gutter

After our private viewing of grown men in womens' underwear [our underwear no less], the night is still young and the bottles await looking all shiny and nice.
The kids go get dressed and we make cocktails.

"When do you think we should go and visit them?" Claire asks excitedly, shaking up a cocktail mixer; always planning ahead.

"Not for a few months. Keep them waiting." Alexx replies.

"We do have to plan it around work remember?" Ellie says, a box of olives on her lap and disgust on her face.

"Best not throw them at me slag!" I mumble.
An evil grin takes over and she starts throwing them. So I grab the bag of ice and throw cubes at her head.

"Ow you fuckin' cunt" she giggles.

"You got me then bitch!" Wrath growls, throwing a packet of Rizzla at each of us.

"What did I miss?" Andreas asks, sauntering up the stairs followed by the rest of his band.

"Drugs," my entire band says at once, before bursting into fits of laughter.
Deathstars look between themselves, confused then shrug knowing nothing else can be expected from us.

We drink, we dance and after having a few dusty lines of MDMA we dance some more.

"You boys can have a show now" Wrath announces.

"I'm keeping my clothes on" I confirm loudly.
Ellie flicks along the CD tracks and out comes Strutter by Kiss, a well known favorite of Andreas's.

"This isn't very good stripper music!" Claire exclaims.

"You filthy whore!" Alexx cries, shoving her onto the table.

I jump around to the song like a total nutjob, clearly E'd off her face.
"Wrath, did you know I love you?" I squeal.

"Yeah now go tell Cat that you love him!" she commands, dropping from the table with my hand in hers as the song ends.

"You are something else," Andy tells her.

"Cat! We have work to do!" I take him by the wrist and drag him along the corridor to my bunk where for the rest of the buzz [a good three hours] I fuck him unbelievably well.

The sun hits my face with a warm pleasantness. I peel my eyes open the tiniest bit and find Cat staring at me, without words I put my leg over his and pull myself closer to his body, consuming his warmth and scent.
He winds his fingers into my hair, thus draping his arm across my top half.

"I'm gonna miss you," I breathe into his neck.

"I'll miss you too, Morbid."

"You know I can't see you again, don't you?"

"I know. I wish you'd change your mind though," he sighs.

"Cat! You know this isn't about me making my mind up. If I keep seeing you, it won't be often enough. It'd be like being shown chocolate and getting close enough to lick it before it gets taken away. That's torture and I'm sorry if you don't agree."

"I can see what you mean, but don't you think it would be worth it if we tried?" he asks, softly, still calm.

I pause, he's caught me in an impossible situation.
"It would be worth it but there's no guarantee in the end. And I'm all for physical strain, but it's emotional and that's something I can't do."

A few minutes pass until he lifts my chin up with his fingers and presses his lips to mine.
"Goodbye, Morbid," he says before climbing out of my bunk with his clothes gathered.

I turn back over to the wall and curl up next to it, a flood of tears escaping my ducts.

A hour later and my phone alarm goes off, roll call. I jump in the shower first for ten minutes, dress in the last set of clean clothes I own; a custom Orgy shirt, black leather pants and slip on knee high red stiletto boots. I fluff up my hair to its usual proud high, five minutes on usual makeup and tie a bandanna around my throat. That’s my look in half an hour.

"Alright you fuckin' hoozers," I scream, making my way past all the bunk to the kitchen, "get the fuck up now! Who needs a resolve?"
All four stick their arms out with loud groans and moans of pain.
I get the paracetamol out and prepare their coffees and glasses of water each, apart from Alexx who just takes a double shot of Jack Daniel and she's back to life.
She kinda reminds me of Bender from Futurama in the way that always works, and if she goes too long without alcohol, she gets cranky. I'm sure that means she's an alcoholic but it's not like she's constantly drunk, only when it's party time.

In an hour, they're all ready for the day and packing up their stuff from bus, clearing out. We're the last to leave so they didn't get to say their goodbyes to Marionette or Deathstars in person, and received text messages each.
The bus drops us off at the airport where we meet our tour manager and go through everything to board our two P.M. flight back to Cardiff.

"What are you gonna do about the boy?" Ellie asks from her seat beside me.

"What?" I gasp, confused as she pulled me from my thoughts.

"The boyfriend…now there's Cat?" she winks.

"Ellie!" Wrath hisses, "They broke up weeks ago you idiot!"

"Oh...hey why didn't I know?" Ellie glares at the two of us.

"Because I didn't see it as something everyone needed to know," I grumble almost under my breath.

"I'm not everybody, I'm meant to like this close with you. You should have told me, what happened?" Ellie twists her index and middle fingers together as a demo of our friendship.

"He broke up with me one night when we were in a club after a gig" I reply shortly.

"Why?"

"I don't know! And I didn't care I just wanted to be drunk and gone. Never found out since." I shrug.

"Tomorrow I'll go get shit you left at his place for you if you want, if you don't wanna see him again?" Wrath offers.

"Yeah please, love" I agree.
Without correcting any assumptions about Cat and I things carry on as normal, I don't want any more aggravation now, especially not about him.

About a week later we got news from our manager that we had some time off before any interviews or meetings or anything which required our presence.

"Hey you guys, I just got of the phone and we're all going to Stockholm on Sunday!" Ellie bursts into the flat which Wrath and I share.

"How does she do that?" I grunt, staring at the TV screen, viewing another episode of LA Ink that I don't want to watch.

"What's you're beef with the Ink?" Wrath does an awful impression of Tony Harrison from our all time Mighty Boosh.

"You know my 'beef' with the Ink." I roll my eyes, flicking it over to the news, less...Kat Von D related.

"I will look a mess! A Sunday! Or are you trying to stop a Saturday night out?" Wrath bellows.

"Love, we have like a three hour flight or something all you need to do is have a bath and put your shades on in the morning then wake up on the plane, do your makeup and hair and by the time we arrive we'll be sexy!" Ellie explains, winking.

Do I tell them I'm not going now or later?