Death Dies Harder in the Gutter

With Morbid and Alexx mysteriously gone, I was left with Ellie and Claire to amuse myself with. Along with the Swedish slags we were stuck with of course.

"He looks dodgy as fuck...I'm going to ask him if he has any drugs on him" I told Claire, gesturing towards a strange looking guy who was propped up against the bar, his slow gaze wheeling around the club.

"Why drugs? Arn't you fucked up enough?!" Claire asked, suprised. She could tell, I was blind drunk. Who couldn't tell was the actual question?

"No Claire, I am not fucked up enough. I haven't passed out, thrown up, or tried to kill myself yet" I grinned, grabbing the table infront of us for support as I stood up and made my way over to the guy.
I sauntered over there, swaying my hips as I went which probably looked ridiculous due to my stumbling. The man's eyes studied me as I stood infront of him, my head tilted curiously to the side.

"Do you sell drugs?" I asked, awaiting his answer.

"What gave me away?" He replied in a thick Swedish accent, his mouth twisting upwards in what appeared to be a smirk.

"Ah! I have an eye for these things you see...Shall we go outside?" I asked, gesturing for him to lead the way out. I followed him outside, the cold night hair hitting me suddenly and sending a shiver up my spine. He glanced around before he pulled a large bag of cocaine from his grubby looking pocket.

"Is this what you were after?" He asked, watching my expression as I studied it.

"Coke?" I asked, making sure it wasn't speed.

"Yes" He noddded quickly, his eyes darting around as he jammed it back into its place.

"I'll take it; the whole bag. Fuck it!" I grinned, reaching into my purse to extract whatever money I had in there. I counted out 150 Euro's, and pressed them into his eagerly outstretched hand. He withdrew the bag, and neatly dropped it into my open handbag, without a glimpse.

"Nice doing business with you. If you want anymore, I'm in there most nights. See you around" He told me before he strode off, leaving me in the street.
I walked a few paces down the street, to find a dark alleyway. I grinned into the dark as I stepped into it, withdrawing the cocaine from my bag. I sat down on the floor, not giving a fuck that I could be sitting in something really disgusting, and pulled a notepad out, along with one of my credit cards and some sort of Euro note. I carved myself a gorgeously long line, perfecting it with the credit card. I stared curiously at the powder, as it seemed to glow in the dark. Leaning my head over the notepad, the note in it's position, I snorted and felt a rush of excitement as I did so.
I repeated this process until half the bag was gone. It wasn't that i'd snorted half, it was the footsteps that stopped infront of me. I looked up, to see Andreas, a livid expression on his face.

"Hey Andy! Sup wit choo?" I grinned, placing my equipment back into my bag and standing up to get a better look at his face.

"What the FUCK Wrath? You just disappeared, and now I find you out here snorting that shit?" He near enough screeched.

"Woah, dude...Look, I can do what the FUCK I want, and if I want to fucking snort a fuck load of god damn fucking cocaine, then I fucking will!" I replied, my voice shrill and loud. I strongly fought the urge to laugh at my excessive use of 'fuck'.
My head whirled as intoxication took me in it's grip, as the alcohol and the drugs mixed in my system.

"You are unbelivable! Look, you've got blood pouring from your nose! There's no way I can let you go back like that. Come on, we're going to my apartment" He told me sternly, gripping my arm and dragging me away.

"Excuse me, ANDREAS, but why the fuck do you care, all of a sudden?" I shouted, allowing him to drag me.
As I said that, he whirled around to face me, and gripped my shoulders. His face went from livid, to soft, back to livid again.

"How can you even ask me that Wrath, after the tour? After what happened on the last night?! You know I have feelings for you, and I don't understand why you're hell bent on getting so fucked up and not letting anyone help! Especially me! Of course I fucking care" He sighed, looking at me almost sympathetically. I soon realised it was because he couldn't figure me out. Good, I thought to myself, I'm not a fucking jigsaw.

"Well, we've already fucked so why are you still bothered? You got what you wanted didn't you?" I accused wildly, not caring what came out of my mouth.
I watched his face contort which anger, then finally rest in a line of sadness. Wordlessly, we climbed into a taxi and made it to his apartment. As he sat me down on the sofa, he still hadn't said anything, his expression still the same. I heard him go into the kitchen, and when he returned he was dabbing something wet on my face, and holding my head back.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled, as he allowed me to look straight.

"We'll talk in the morning" I heard him mumble, before I fell asleep as he dabbed at my face.

---------

I opened my eyes, allowing a small grumble to erupt from my mouth. Light flooded into the black themed room, creating a contrast of dark and light. I squinted around, trying my hardest to recognise where I was. I realised now, how fucked up I had really been. My head pounded hard, feeling as if it were to explode at any sudden movement. I noticed my outfit from last night neatly folded over the back of a chair infront of a computer desk. What the fuck?! Glancing down, I noticed I was only in my underwear.
The sound of footsteps from the hallway pulled me from my thoughts, and as I heard them draw closer, my heart raced. Where the fuck was I, and who the fuck was this? To my uttermost suprise, when the door opened, I was expecting a complete stranger like so many times before. But no, in walked Andreas, in a black shirt and black jeans that clung to his form.

"Finally awake then?" He asked, closing the door behind him and sitting on the end of what I presumed to be his bed.

"Yeah...What the fuck happened last night? I can't remember fuck all" I asked, rubbing a cold hand across my forhead.

"Where do I start? You decided to buy an ounce of cocaine, when you were already near enough paraletic. You had done half the bag by the time I had found you in an alley way with blood coming out of your nostrils. By the way, that's why I took your clothes off when you passed out...I didn't want my bed covered in shit" He explained, adding a small smile at the end.

"I'm sorry Andreas, I really am...You didn't have to look after me" I told him, suddenly feeling quite bad.

"I did...I told the others you were here, in case they started to freak out or something...It's already 2 in the afternoon"

"2? Fuck!" I groaned, feeling worse as Andreas had now wasted a perfectly good day on me.

"Wrath...Can I talk to you?" Andreas said after a few seconds silence.

"Of course" I replied quietly, suddenly curious. I watched him intently as he reached up to push a strand of hair behind his ear. It was a few more seconds until he actually spoke.

"Last night...You said something that upset me...I know you were out of it, but still...there may have been some truth in it" Andreas pretty much whispered. I had to strain my ears to hear him.

"Oh god, what did I say?" I replied, my tone laced with regret at whatever it was. It also raised the question of why the fuck am I such a dick when i'm drunk? God.

"You wanted to know why I was helping you, so of course, I told you how much I care about you and all of that. And you said, 'We fucked, you got what you wanted didn't you?' and I just need you to know that on that tour, I was never trying to sleep with you. I really did want to get to know you, and my feelings have developed for you. Your not just sex to me, Wrath. Please understand that" Andreas told me seriously, his eyes pleading for me to believe him.

I froze; I literally, could not believe I would say that to him. How dare cocaine tell him what I really thought? Naughty, naughty cocaine!

"Uh...Ok" I said lamely, at loss of what the fuck to say.
There was no way in hell, I was going to tell him anything. I mean for fuck sake, wasn't it obvious enough that I liked him? I instantly regretted it, as he left the room without another word. The words of that weird fortune teller swirled around my mind as I debated whether to go after him or not.
As I weighed the negatives and the positives against each other, I thought 'Fuck It' and jumped from the bed and out of the room. After poking my head in random doors, I found myself in the living room, Andreas watching me curiously from the sofa. I was, afterall, in my underwear.

"I'm sorry" I managed to say, breaking the silence.

"For?"

"For being so stupid. Look, Andreas, I really do care for you aswell, but i'm not good at handling my feelings well as you can probably tell...I don't know how to. But I do know that if I keep being like this to you, you're not going to bother" I told him awkwardly, struggling to find the right words.

"I'm not asking you to marry me Wrath" Andreas sighed with a slight smile. "I just want to get to know you better, and I want you to be comftable around me, so that you can tell me anything. Your so difficult to understand...but your worth it"

I smiled at this; I had probably really pissed him off last night, and upset him with my stupid 'Uh ok' and he was still being lovely.

"I know...and I think i'm going to try and let you understand me" I announced, ending my sentance by leaving the room.

I had my reasons for being so strange about relationships; I'd had my fair share of wankers afterall. It always seemed to fuck up if I fell in love with them, so I stopped it. I saw men as sexual objects, and forced myself to believe that's what I was to them. It's as simple as that.