Chasing The Night

(Nick’s POV)

The last two weeks of this tour have been complete hell for me. Sure, the concerts and meet and greets are all great, its after all that that’s bugging me. In every single interview it’s always the same. They don’t ask about the music or anything, no. It’s all about Kevin and Kourtney or Joe and his new girlfriend Amanda. I’m happy that my brothers both found great girls but seriously give it a rest, let them be happy and leave it alone.

The prank war is still going on in full effect and its making me nauseous. Josh and Aniza flirt with each non-stop but still haven’t given in to a kiss yet. Kevin asked Kourtney to be his girlfriend about a week ago on stage in front of the world. They haven’t kissed yet either afraid of ending the bet. I swear if the flirting doesn’t stop one day I may just bash their heads together until their lips hit.

Joe’s girlfriend Amanda Lynne recently joined us on tour as well. She used to be our best friend when we were younger. She and her mom lived next door to us in New Jersey and moved to California when we did and ending up next door to us there. Amanda’s mom is going to be on a business thing for the next year and Amanda is staying with us. Her and Joe got together three days after she got her. It was destiny I guess.

It may sound like I’m not happy for my brothers and my sister but I am. I guess I’m just jealous that they be out in the with their relationships. They don’t try to hide them anymore because being honest with the press is easier then lying to them. If only that was true for me. I wish I could tell the world and my family that I’m not single. I have been happily taken for the last eight months. I wish I had the courage to tell my family that I had a boyfriend name Luke, and I’m pretty sure he’s the one for me. I cant do that. Our family is so religious and being gay goes against all of our morals. There is no way they would accept me. I cant let anyone know that one of their favorite Disney stars is, gay.

Currently my brothers and sister are on a triple date, and I’m here in the bus watching Frankie. It’s about 9:00 and Frankie’s sleeping and everyone else wont be back until about 11. I’m just laying on the couch thinking about Luke and what would happen to our relationship if the press found out. Luke is an amazing guy for me. He’s sweet and caring, a true gentleman, fun to be with, charming and romantic. When I met him, it was about a year ago at Starbucks. I ran into and knocked his cookie on the floor, he was upset about it. Apparently he really wanted a cookie so I bought him a new one. After that day we were friends for about four months before he asked me out. I knew I was gay all along, but was afraid to admit it or start something with him when I knew we would have to hide being together. One day we were hanging out in his room just laying on his bed talking when all of a sudden he just reaches up and kisses me. I was shocked but kissed him back. I then told him my concerns and he said he was fine hiding as long as he could call me his boyfriend. I grinned and agreed. I guess the rest is history because we’ve been together now for eight months!
Every time our eyes meet.
This feeling inside me.
Is almost more than I can take.

I smiled reaching into my pocket for my phone knowing that ringer was set for one person and only one person.

“Hello Beautiful.” I answered the phone still smiling. Yeah, that was cheesy, sue me.

“Hey cutie.” My boyfriend answered me with a giggle. Happiness radiating in his voice. This was the first time we had talked in three days, and for us that’s a long time.

“How are you doing?” I asked him. I frowned once I heard him sigh.

“I’m fine, I just miss you a lot Nicky.” His pain evident. I wanted to fly home and wrap my arms around him and never let go.

“Baby, I miss you too. I wish I could take you on tour with me, but I cant. At least not right yet.” I told him, thinking that this would all be easier if everyone knew about us. I didn’t want him to hurt anymore and I was just as upset as he was, especially three hormone driven couples, official or not.

“I know that, it’s just hard. I miss my Nicky-bear when he’s not here in my arms. I’m trying to be strong like I promised, its just been harder than ever.” he explained.

“I miss my lovebug too. I was thinking though, maybe I should come out to my brothers and sister. Mom and Dad aren’t on tour with us so I wouldn’t have to tell them about you just yet, because I don’t think I can, not yet. But, if I told Aniza, Kev and Joe, who knows maybe then you could join us for tour. It’s killing me not having you here with me.” I told him.

“Nicky-bear that would be amazing. Of course I want to tour with you, but are you sure your ready? I don’t want you to come out before your ready and resent me for it later on.” He explained with concern in his voice.

“I’m sure Lovebug. I would do anything for you, and the first step is coming out to my siblings. They should be ok with it and I know they’ll keep the secret until I ask them not to.” I told him with a genuine smile.

“Okay as long as your sure.” He explained. “I have to go to bed now, I have to help mom teach the art class at 8. I love you.”

“ I love you too baby, goodnight.” I said into the phone as I hung up.

“Uh, Nick who was that on the phone?” I heard Aniza ask from behind me in the doorway.

“Shit, I didn’t know you all were back yet. I can uh, explain. First all how much did you hear?” I rambled off at her quickly jumping off the couch pulling her into the back lounge and shutting the door.

“I heard it’s killing me not having you here with me and I heard you say you loved them. Nick you’ve never been in love and I don’t know that you have a girlfriend so care to explain who that was on the phone.” Aniza told me with one eyebrow raised like she already figured it out.

“Um, well that was Luke.” I explained.

“Luke?” She asked.

“Uh huh.” I hesitated.

“And is Luke your best friend?” She questioned.

“ Well Nisi, you see.” I muttered rubbing my hands together, keeping my eyes fixed on the carpet. “Luke is my b-b-boyfriend.” I said.

“So I take it your gay then.” She said as if nothing was going to change between us.

“Yeah, I’m defiantly gay.” I told her feeling more confident.

“Oh, cool. So how long have you and Luke been together then?” She asked me. I just stared at her like she was crazy. How could she act like she didn’t just find out my biggest secret.

“Eight months.” I told her proudly.

“Wow, so how come we haven’t ever met this boyfriend of almost a year when clearly you are in love with?” She asked me.

“Wait, so you mean your okay with this? Your not disappointed that I’m gay even though it goes against what we believe in? Your not mad at all? I asked clearly confused for why she is so chill with this when I’m completely freaking out.

“Nicky, so you like boys and not girls. So what, your still my crazy music loving brother who I love to pick on. Nothing has changed, because you are no different than you were before I found out your secret then you are right now. Being in love with a guy isn’t wrong or immoral it’s just love. I don’t care who you are dating, as long as you are happy being you and not living in some lie. I wish you would have come to me sooner though and I would have liked to known that you have had a boyfriend for the last eight months but that’s ok. You weren’t ready for us to know then, but I’m glad your admitting it now. You’re my brother no matter what happens or who you love I will always love you.” She told me. I started crying, I was so happy she accepted me, I needed my big sister on my side. I jumped up from where I was and threw my arms around her in a bone crushing hug. She just laughed.

“Thank you for supporting me Nisi. It means the world to me that you aren’t mad or disappointed in me.” I told her through my tears.

“Do you want to tell our brothers now too?” She asked me. I gulped and nodded its now of never I guess. She led me out of the room to the front lounge where our whole band, EA, all three of my brothers, Kourtney and Amanda were playing UNO. “Uh, hey guys, can I talk to you for a second. It’s really important.” I asked. Everyone stopped what they were doing and fell silent, all eyes on me. “ Well.” I started.