Symphony Of Sympathy

I got home late in the afternoon, only to find the apartment empty. It was lonely, and I wondered where my fiancé was.

I pulled out my cell phone, just to call and ask what her plans were, if I needed to make dinner for her, just simple things like that.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Shiloh. I loved her, I really did. But sometimes, she was reckless. I always tried to keep her under control, but I was worried she was slipping away, becoming even more unbalanced.

My call went to her voicemail, and I didn’t bother leaving a message. She tended to never hear her phone, or check it, so it wasn’t worth it. But I knew someone who always heard his phone.

"Hello?" Alex answered, dragging out the 'o'.

"Hey Al, what's up?"

"My dick," he said, his tone completely serious.

"Real classy, bro," I laughed. "Who are yeh wit?"

"Uh, Aya and I are chilling with Curtis and the two Matts," he explained, then his voice got louder. "I never knew what a damn flirt my sister is!"

In the background of the phone I can hear her start cursing at him.

"Is uh, Shi with yeh guys?" I felt guilty, being so nosy. But I had a right. The guy she cheated on me with for months was visiting- what else was I supposed to do? "Or is she wit Lee an' Tom? Because she said she was 'anging out wit yeh guys today..."

"N-no, Con... She's not with us, and she's not with Lee and Tom... She went out with Oli today..." Alex stuttered nervously as he told me the truth.

I could feel the anger building inside of me. She had lied, yet again. And was with Oliver! The little fucker he was. "Oh," I said, angrily. "Never mind then."

"Con, are you alright?"

I frowned. "Jus' bloody fantastic, mate," I growled, snapping my phone shut. I leaned back in my chair, staring up at the pipes in our ceiling. I was her goddamn fiancé, not some stupid backup! The pipes stared down at me, as if asking 'so you have a cheating whore for a girlfriend. What are you going to do about it?'

And I knew exactly what I was going to do about it. Shiloh just wasn’t worth this pain anymore.

**********************************************

When Oli and I arrived back at my apartment, it was late. We didn’t have sex in the back of my car.... Instead, we drove to a different ratty motel, and had sex there. I felt dirty. Not gross dirty. I felt disloyal and unfaithfully dirty.

"Yeh sure yeh don’t want meh to drop yeh off at yeh hotel? It's not a problem for meh," I said awkwardly, staring at the steering wheel. I couldn’t look at Oli- not without feeling even worse.

"No, it's 'lright, love. I need some fresh air," Oli smiled, placing his hand on mine. My reflexes yanked my hand away, and then I felt guilty for being mean. "I'm sorreh, love. I didn’t mean for this to 'appen."

I placed my hands in my lap, staring at them. "I... I know, Oli. I think it's time yeh head 'ome."

I opened my car door, climbing out quickly. I can't handle being alone in the car with him anymore. His door opens and slams shut as well, and suddenly Oli appears in front of me. I stare down at my feet, hoping he'll just leave. He puts his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up. "I'm sorreh! I really and truly am, Shi."

I pull away from him, adverting my eyes away. "Yeh really should jus' go," I whispered, walking away from him. He grabs onto my arm, trying to pull me back. "No."

"Shi," he whispered when I yank my arm away from his hand. I look back, seeing the hurt visible on his face.

"Goodbye, Oli," I say, turning away and running into my building and up to my apartment floor. Memories of last goodbye flood my mind, as our past practically repeated itself. I wipe at the tears forming in my eyes, before walking to my door and grabbing the key. When the lock clicks, I pull it out, putting it back on the doorframe.

Conner is lying on the couch, lazily flipping through all the television's pointless channels. "'ello love," he calls to me, not bother to look up.

"Hi, Con," I say quietly, a cry still trapped in the back of my throat. When he hears the strain in my voice, he looks up at me, confusion showing on his face. I can tell that he's going to ask about it, so I cut him off. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

And just like that, I walk away from the one person who should have been the most important.